Diva Baby

[COL1N]

Hey, my 18 month old DD is an absolute nightmare- she is so strong willed. If I say no to anything, she looks me in the eye and does it again & again. If she doesn't get exactly what she wants then she throws a tantrum that basically involves crying & throwing anything she can get hold of. Does this sound normal or like I need to do better parenting? & if so, how?

Sounds like she is leaping and maybe also starting the terrible twos early! Mine is exactly the same it's bloody exhausting but it does subside. When the tantrum is starting try to distract but not give her something as it could be confused with rewarding the bad behavoir maybe changed the subject for example if it starts to escape I carry mine in to the living room plonk her in front of the tv and it breaks the tantrum, I do that when it's building to try and break it (I don't think too much in to other than I need to survive this noise and stop it) if she just goes straight in to tantrum meltdown then Ii walk away and leave her to it, if she comes running after you, tell her no And then ensure to ignore; I don't look at her or say anything else as any communication is attention which is what she wants so she has to learn this behavoir gets nothing, I had to put my ear plugs in until she stopped usually 10-15 mins, then I speak to her and say that's better big smile and hug and she learns that behavoir gets the good stuff. She's learning now that she has rights and is exercising them 😳 mine is very persistent but I found distractions also work but not giving them things as that's rewarding the bad behavoir, I might say ooo what is the dog doing or shall we go watch peppa pig, or read a book or I wonder what grandad is doing today or shall we walk around the garden. Ours was bad but she soon stopped most of it, it's worse when they're leaping you need the leap chart it helps to know when it's coming so you know x x

Also when she looks you in the eye and does it again and again they honestly have no idea what they're doing like they aren't doing it to piss you off although it totally looks like Chucky took over them abs that's what's happening they are looking for a reaction because they've learned oh if I do this do I get a reaction?? They need to learn that if it's not acceptable they get unfavourable response not smacking or shouting but maybe they don't get eye contact or get a limited response or mum walks away until they learn what is acceptable or not. New Toddler taming book is very helpful!

I have a video on my phone of DS at the same age and I'm telling him not to do something and he just looks at me and laughs and does it anyway. Repeatedly. Toddlers are mini-dictators.

I've done a lot of walking away hoping it gives the impression to them I'm not bothered and for me to go and compose myself elsewhere and grit teeth

She knows want she wants but can't explain herself properly and can't understand why she can't do what she wants, so has a tantrum. It must be really frustrating for them. No advice really though, it is a tricky stage.

Thankyou so much for practical advice, I will follow what youve said. She is definitely a total dictator, mine & DH whole life revolves around her & what she will be happiest doing. Its an absolute slog!

My 18 month old DD has recently started showing her diva side too, and over such small things as well. I'll say "come here" and the next thing I know she's practically thrown herself on the ground and lays there having a little sniffle. I ignore the behaviour and she eventually gets bored and ends up coming to me anyway . It makes me feel a bit better knowing it's not completely out of the norm, although I do sympathise, it can get exhausting having everything turn into meltdown.

She’s only 18 months old. Don’t let her be a dictator but don’t assign intentions to her she doesn’t have. She isn’t deliberately being a dictator, she’s exploring her feelings.

When she screams for her way, just ignore. If you want her to stop doing something move her away and say no, don’t do that. It will pass eventually.

Yes, if I say come here, she runs in the opposite direction whilst looking over her shoulder & laughing. I have chased her close to many cars, roads, swimming pools- it's absolutely exhausting

DD Is 20m and has a WICKED temper. We had the screaming, throwing stuff and herself on the floor for 20mins because i said no to blueberries as she wouldn't eat her dinner. I let her carry on but told her not to throw stuff until i could see her trying to calm herself down and sat her up with me to help. I wont let her rule the roost but i have let her get away with a bit more than her brother if im honest with myself.

There’s a book called “How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen” that has massively helped me as I navigate the toddler years. It has very helpful tips on avoiding and diffusing tantrums, how to set good boundaries, and how to pick your battles. I cannot recommend it enough!

My dd is 2.5 and a total diva.

So is the consensus just to ignore as much as possible?
@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers Ive ordered the book- thankyou!

I think the key thing here is to remember that they just don't have the capacity to manipulate at this age. They don't want to tantrum and don't choose to do it. Be her safe space where she can express herself. The idea that you will let her dictate and control and you have to ignore to show her who's boss is such outdated advice. It's worth properly reading up on development and neuroscience at this age. And I second the book above. I think it has some great strategies to diffuse and prempt.

It's normal I'm afraid, but passes. If they are getting to the point of dangerous out and about, reins are your friend, lifesaver mentally and potentially physically! Getting close to roads isn't a joking matter

Yeah basically ignoring and being sort of boringly persistent. So instead of shouting/timeout/big fuss every time she touches something she isn’t supposed to just constant moving away with no fuss or attention. Eventually it becomes boring and loses its appeal. It’s mind numbing but the only thing to be done when they’re too young to really understand.

The running off I would get a hold of before it starts. So rather than waiting for her to run off before you chase her into the road/park etc get a little backpack with the leash on it, then she doesn’t have the opportunity. Just takes the stress right out of it.

If it helps my daughter who is 2 started the TTS about 3 months early the persistence has abs paid off within a month it's all stoped and she's become so well mannered. She now knows we do not give in to the bad tantrums and hardly heard a peep, we have also discovered something she hates which is being asked if she'd like to go to bed when she's naughty! She stops whatever it is she shouldn't be doing instantly it's unbelievable, hang in there it will improve. The toddler taming book was a huge help his advice to some may seem outdated but personally I think it was abs spot on, he was right I stuck to his advice abs it was nipped in the bud so quickly! And trust me we have one of the worst for bad temper and mood so it probes it does work x x

She’s being 18 months old, not a diva.
It’s normal for some to behave like this others 2/3/4 I’ve got 4 kids so experienced this at different stages.

Don’t give her opportunity to re offend say no and move her away, be firm,
Consistent and keep her safe. So if she’s a runner - one of mine could really run he was in the buggy so I could get ok with shopping etc knowing he was strapped in. Not always happy about it. also had reigns/wrist strap but held hands out of pushchair. No way would I take a toddler near roads if I knew they’d be running off. Once they behave nicely in buggy then could walk holding my hand. You’re the parent, you rule the roost not her. Being consistent and firm is good for them, they need to know their boundaries.