my hv advised my to leave my 4 week old baby girl to cry for upto 2 and a half hours

[kittenbaby]

just in a reflective mood and didnt want to gate crash someone elses thread
dd is now 5 months and doing great

but ive just been thinking about when she was a newborn when she was v small she was a v frequent feeder
the hv advised me just to leave her to cry at 4 weeks
she said just put her upstairs in the mb and come downstairs and put your earplugs in and go back 2 - 2 and a half hours later
am i wrong to think she is totally out of order for saying this
i know she has given me terrible advice about bf but that is another super long story about what seems to be the hv from hell
oh yeah and now shes spouting crap about weaning too

dd weighed 8 4 and a half at birth and at day 23 she weighed 7 11
so at just 4 weeks old she was gaining weight terribly well
am i think she was cry as she just wanted feeding and cuddling
do you think she was out of line saying this as i seem to have seen on mumsnet leaving them to cry can actually be harmful to them

luckily i ignored her advice and carried on bf on demand much to her annoyance but it seems so harsh to say this about a 4 week old newborn

ive only just begun to venture out onto other boards as ive spent most or really all of my time reading the feeding boards so far

Youre HV needs serious retraining. Or putting out to pasture, KB.

Honestly, please, please complain about her. She is damaging women's early parenting experiences with her bilious spoutings.

God help all the mothers who took her advice.

god help the babies as well NAB3.

leaving a 4 week old baby to cry for more then two hours while the parents have ear plugs in?!

Of course.

newborns need to feed often.. and they need the closeness of being with their mum or dad.. not being left to cry for hours.... also, not feeding frequently enough will cause problems with breastfeeding... what was her reasoning for leaving baby for this long?

i think you need to make a complain

re the crying

bad breastfeeding advice

bad weaning advice

you didn;t take her advice, but i bet other mums did, thinking she is a HV,she must know what she is talking about.

WWWWWHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

2.5 hours a day!!!!!

blardy ell!! Stupid Healthvisitor!!! or get any HV

When my DD was 5/6 months old....same age as your Ds now, i used to leave my dd crying for no more than 10 mins as by then she is flat out!

but at 4 weeks..i would never dream of leaving my DD to cry more than a minute or 2

she is absolutely wrong. I'm pretty sure, if you were on SS radar and they found you were leaving a 4 week old baby alone to cry for hours they would consider you neglectful and intervene.

If you don't feel up to complaining about her, just write to whoever is in charge of her and explain you are concerned that some of the advice she gave you was outdated and potentially harmful and you thought you had a duty to inform them of this. And ask for another HV.

Can we have a prize for most out-of-date HV?

And well done you for ignoring her nonsense and following your instincts.

ive spoken to gp about her but it hasnt made any difference to the ways she is

i was thinking about doing an actual written letter but just worried as i had to make written complaint about what happened at the birth which is still being investigated do you think they'll think im just a trouble maker

[kb smiles at hunker ]

No, I think they'll see you've had a run of bad luck.

You can put great detail into your letter about this woman - it's all on your threads.

She is giving out of date harmful "advice".

back at KB - I'm so pleased you overcame the crap she spat at you though!

The GP is unlikely to do anything - he's not her boss.

right hunker im writing the letter

i heard a mw (at a private clinic, but she also works for nhs) telling new mums the same thing

i interjected to say something along the lines of "i must be a softie, couldn't leave ds2 to cry, i alwasy think it means he needs something"

Fan of Claire Verity, maybe?

Are you sure you heard her right?

Maybe she said babies cry up to two and half hours a day?

But I've re-read your op - again stunned.

well done on writing the letter kittenbaby. It's never easy to confront authority however in the wrong you know it is.

Right now lets grab this HV, poke her until she cries and leave her on her own sobbing in a dark room for 2 and a half hours .

I complained about my midwife at the surgery and the gp said (not directly) that agreed but unfortunately he doesn't get to assign the person to the job, probably the same about the HV. Glad you have made a complaint.

Is your HV Claire verity !!

HV is probably employed by a different organisation from the hospital you gave birth at - very likely to be your local primary care trust (PCT). If so you need to complain to them, address it to the Chief Executive - try to find out the name if you can, most of them have websites you can look it up on.

Well done, KB. If you need help with it, post and I'm sure you'll get lots from us all!

yep she def said to leave her upstairs in her mb come down stairs and put my ear plugs in

and to only fed her every 2 hours -2 and a half hours max

the chief ex is the one thats dealing with my other complaint !
i think ill send it to the complaints manager at the pct 1st

if people did this to old people they would be outrage but it seems ok to do it to newborn babies!!why is this ?

so far ive got
1.about hv telling to leave her alone for 2 and a half hours
2.constanly telling me to top up with formula and making me feel as if im harming her by instsiting on bf her and not giving any other advice to help with bf other than top up with formula, not once did she say why not try this or that to make the bf easier, no her only suggestion was formula everytime
3.telling me i must rethink bf if dd doesnt gain x amount of weight
4.telling im only allowed one more week of low weight gain, scuse me allowed?
5.telling me ALL babies must be weaned by 20 weeks 22 at the latest otherwise ill miss the window and create loads of problems for me and dd,even though dd is gaining really well now andf sleeping great and developing well and there is no need to wean her at all
6.not encouraging me in anyway whatsoever just trying to get dd on formula

have i missed anything out?

oh yeah refering to bf as the looney left wing bf brigade, yes she said this at least 3-4 times

off top read im threads to see if ive left anything out

off to read threads i mean lol

I would make reference to Government advice in the letter - to make it very clear you know the HV is incorrect and potentially dangerous advice.

You need to be very "this is what she's saying, this is why it's wrong, I expect you to do something about it, please can you let me know what you intend to do, thank you very much" - polite, but "I won't be fobbed off"

Sorry, meant to say as well - what you have is good!

at weaning window. Ask her to point it out to you then shove her through it.

you may want to quote this re the weaning window www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_4096999.pdf