10 month old

[Treaclepie19]

Please be kind.
So my now 6 year old was stuck to me for sleep for all his naps and most of the night up until a couple of years ago but my 10 month old is even harder.
She's really hard to get to sleep and then when she does sleep it has to be in our bed. She will sleep good chunks of the night but only if I'm right next to her so we don't get an evening.
She's now taken a dislike to her cot at all (I used to put her in just to play now and then if I needed to know she was 100% safe.

Is there no way out from here? Is it sleep train or wait until she grows out of it?
The holidays are making it even worse because my 5yo is just getting pushed aside often.

I should add she doesn't often fall asleep in the pram. Just gets overtired and cries.

Oh and dh is doing way more than his share. He's brilliant with them.

Basically, yes. Sleep Train or wait. Those are the options.

Sleep training covers a whole selection of different methods though. I would look into it and find one that suits your family. The idea that sleep training means 'leaving a baby to cry endlessly' is totally false.

I know there are other methods but im just thinking that since she cries anytime she goes in her cot at all, even when I'm there, it will just be crying?

OP, no advice but solidarity. My 9 month old will only sleep in our bed when fed to sleep, naps and all, and I have to be next to him. He still plays in the cot, and sometimes will fall asleep in a pram/carseat, but wouldn't stay asleep long enough.
You are not alone.

@Mc3209

OP, no advice but solidarity. My 9 month old will only sleep in our bed when fed to sleep, naps and all, and I have to be next to him. He still plays in the cot, and sometimes will fall asleep in a pram/carseat, but wouldn't stay asleep long enough. You are not alone.

Thank you So sorry you're going through the same thing! I hope your little one doesn't decide they hate the cot even for playing too. It's awful.

I really hope things change soon 😩

Exact same with my 10 month old 😂. I laugh but it’s not funny

Yes, for the love of god, sleep train. You did well not to lose you mind from the 4 years of your first ds being like that. From what you say it almost certainly will involve crying, but how much depends on what method you use.

@Latinorapida I'm so sorry, not you too! If we don't laugh, we cry 😂

ManicPixie my first was a much more settled sleeper. So though he was in bed with us, he would sleep through most things and nap well on us, cot or pram.
This little one is just a different kettle of fish 😬

I've no clue where to start with her now tbh.

Please do consider sleep training. I did it at 14mo with DD and it worked so brilliantly that I wish I'd done it sooner...

And so when we had DS and he would only sleep on me in the day (for 30mins after a LOT of jiggling), and was awake for hours at night, disturbing his sister (who was 5 and needed sleep for school), we did it. At 8mo. Worked in three nights and we had happier children almost immediately.

They're now 7 and 3, love their beds, stay in them all night unless poorly, no problems getting to sleep... It's fantastic. If they wake up and call for us then we know there's a real, genuine problem.

When we did it with DS, I explained to DD what we were doing and asked if she remembered us doing it with her. She looked at me like I was crazy!

Give it a try, OP.

@CoodleMoodle that's really good. Can I ask what method you went for?
I feel a bit lost.

[quote Treaclepie19]@CoodleMoodle that's really good. Can I ask what method you went for?
I feel a bit lost.[/quote]
We did controlled crying. I figured they were going to cry anyway because they always did when we put them down in the cot.

So it was bedtime routine, into the cot, goodnight, leave the room. They'd start whinging and we would time 1min. Then go back in and shush/reassure without picking up. Once they calmed a bit we went back out, timed 2mins, then 3, and so on. We agreed that if we got to 10mins we'd just do that over and over, but we never did. Longest was probably about 7 or 8. We did the same in the night if they woke, after checking nothing was wrong, but that was extremely rare.

We also took turns every night so they'd go to bed for both of us. We still do now, so one of us takes DS up and the other reads to DD downstairs, then sends her up a bit later for teeth etc, before coming up to say goodnight. I think it's important that they'll go to bed for both you and DH, because prior to CC it always, ALWAYS had to be me and that was soul destroying!

CC isn't nice at the time, but if it works (which is usually does!), then it's absolutely life changing. The first two or three nights were awful but after that they just whinged for a minute or two and then settled. Within a week, DD was singing to herself for a few mins and then going to sleep. By herself. All night! DS was a bit younger but he actually got it quicker and would coo himself to sleep happily.

Sorry for the long post, but I know how you're feeling right now and it CAN be better.

Another message of solidarity here.

CoodleMoodle that's amazing. Thank you for sharing.
I always think she'll just stand there screaming until she's sick.
When she's been in there having to wait while I go to the toilet or whatever she can scream for ages.

@Zorya so sorry you're going through it too!
It feels like I'm the only one sometimes 😬

CoodleMoodle that sounds like a dream. At the moment it's what my fantasies are made of - putting baby in the cot, kiss goodnight, and THEY GO TO SLEEP.
When I put my DS into his cot, he just stands up and plays (even if he is in a sleeping bag). Not sure how that's going to work, but I'm going to look into CC.

That's what mine used to do @Mc3209. Now she just cries as soon as she goes in. Even if I'm there.

@Treaclepie19

CoodleMoodle that's amazing. Thank you for sharing. I always think she'll just stand there screaming until she's sick. When she's been in there having to wait while I go to the toilet or whatever she can scream for ages.

@Zorya so sorry you're going through it too!
It feels like I'm the only one sometimes 😬

It's a possibility that she might, and in that case you may have to try a different method. Mine both screamed the first night, cried the second, whinged the third, and then for a few nights after that it was a couple of minutes of moaning and then onto the singing/cooing. Then just sleep!

It doesn't work for everyone, as we know they're all different! But when you're desperate (I was almost hallucinating and really starting to resent them and being a Mum) it's worth a try. If it doesn't work then there'll be another technique you can try.

Best of luck to you

@Mc3209

CoodleMoodle that sounds like a dream. At the moment it's what my fantasies are made of - putting baby in the cot, kiss goodnight, and THEY GO TO SLEEP. When I put my DS into his cot, he just stands up and plays (even if he is in a sleeping bag). Not sure how that's going to work, but I'm going to look into CC.

It really is bliss. The only time we ever have an issue is if we go away somewhere, or if they're unwell. The former we just have to muddle through with bed sharing (nobody here likes it!), and the latter we have to muddle through with bed sharing but at home! Other than that we have very few sleep issues, now. Before CC it was utter hell, with both kids.

If he's not crying when you put him in the cot, then maybe just leave him to it for a bit? Then if he starts crying you could try CC. Or there might be another method that would suit you all better, but sleep training on the whole is not some terrible evil thing. It's teaching your baby how to sleep, and we already have to teach them everything!

Best of luck to you as well