Last minute wobble over nursery

[Nurseryworries]

My plan was originally to not send dc to nursery to keep going to groups and doing activities at home then go straight to reception at school starting age.
Was all going well till covid and then no groups or activities.

So then I thought nursery would in fact be a good idea. But now I’m having a wobble and need some reassurance

Groups etc are now running again or reopening so the option is there and we could be more flexible ( ds has adhd and asd)

On the other hand nursery would offer structure and routine but do I really want to start this a year earlier than I have to ? I’m a sahm as well if that’s relevant

I feel nursery would offer more activities than I can but then I’m worried it may be stressful for him due to asd etc

I’m general I’m just fretting about what’s best and I know nobody here can really truly tel me as everyone is different but if anyone has any wise words or has been through similar I’d really appreciate it as I suddenly feel like I’m doing the wrong thing and should stick to the original plan

It is personal opinion, but my feeling is that Nursery would probably be a halfway house between home and school, and get him used to the concept of being one of a group, needing to wait his turn or wait for attention, and existing in an environment that has to meet other dcs' needs as well as his own.
I obviously don't know how significant his needs are (although if already has a diagnosis, I have to assume they are quite considerable?) so have you considered how he will get support when at school ? Nursery might well be able to put things in place that can get that support set up before he starts rather than waiting until he is there for school to understand how significant his needs are ?

I do think there’s a benefit to some time at nursery. My dd went in two days a week because I had to work and I used to get quite upset about it but she absolutely loved it. She’s incredibly confident, outgoing and has lots of friends now at school. I’m a sahm now with my second but I think I will send them to nursery at some point before school

Thankyou I feel better now I was just worrying as I do over every decision as I am so anxious to do the right thing for him and it’s hard but reading the replies makes me feel better

Can you not do both? Nursery doesn’t need to be full time. I’m sending my little one part time then enjoying spending the rest of the time with him doing some groups etc as on maternity leave. Feels like a nice balance.

When things shut down for covid, nursery was the only socialising DS got and I was glad for it. He likes the routine which would benefit your DS massively by the sound of it. Have you looked around nurseries and asked them what their SEN provision is like?

I mean this in the nicest possible way as it is incredibly obvious that you want to do the absolute best by your DS but dropping him straight into school without any build up to spending time away from you would be incredibly tough for him.

You can book him in for a sessions and pick him up after increased amounts of time (30 minutes up to an hour up to 1.5 hours etc) and see how he does if you feel like it would benefit both of you.

Also if he doesn't already have an EHCP, getting him into nursery sooner rather than later can give them more time to collate evidence to get you one which will help him no end when it comes to school

Nursery has been amazing for my DTs. They get to do what activities they want individually rather than as a pair with me, and DS who has a speech delay has come on leaps and bounds with his speech. They love it. Admittedly they’re both NT, but I’d say try it and if it’s not for you both you can just pull him out.

How old is your dc?

I have a very similar dc. On advice from slt I kept at home until 3 but went to as many groups as poss, then 3 days nursery (morning plus lunch only) from age 3.5, gradually increasing days from 2-3, then 3-4 after 6 months. Adding one or two afternoons in the run up to the summer before school started. Worked well.

I found my dc (likely both asd and adhd traits) was pretty exhausted by nursery morning plus lunch and not ready for full days at 3.

What we did balanced learning rules of school like environment and language rich and calmer activity at home.

I agree that if you want to get an EHCP in place for him before he starts school, nursery could be helpful with this. Have you contacted your local Early Years SENCo? They might be able to advise which nursery could support your DS well.

Sorry I should have said it’s the 15 hours a week not full time but is every day (attached to the school he will go to) and he’s never been away from me as there’s been no need/ no opportunity till now but they have a few settling in sessions

Yes good point re ECHPs. The charity Contact a Family have an amazing helpline op. You can book a one to one call with an adviser to discuss an issue via their “listening ear” service as well.

@Foxhasbigsocks

How old is your dc?

3yr 9 m

I think at that age I absolutely would and especially if at school he would go to. Is it every morning op? Have you spoken to senco yet?

@Foxhasbigsocks

I think at that age I absolutely would and especially if at school he would go to. Is it every morning op? Have you spoken to senco yet?

Yes every morning, we have a meeting coming up before starting I know it’ll be good for him I just suddenly doubt myself and worry !!

My DS has ASD and is about to start reception, having spent the last year at the school nursery, so pretty much the same situation but one year ahead. It was definitely a mixed bag, but overall positive.

The main benefit was that they spent lots of the nursery year doing observation and collecting evidence for his EHCP assessment, which means he will be starting reception with a strong EHCP, and hopefully hit the floor running. He has also go to know his 1:1 who will move with him into reception, so hopefully her presence will make the step up from 3 hours to full day easier.

The downside is that he did massively struggle to begin with, and didn't really start enjoying nursery until the last few months (they were closed between Christmas and Easter, which didn't help). He started having a lot more toilet accident, his sleep went completely to pot, and we had a lot more meltdowns at home as he was putting all his efforts into coping at nursery so had no tolerance left if the slightest thing didn't go his way at home.

After the first couple of months I was pretty close to throwing in the towel and withdrawing him for the rest of the year, but looking back I'm so glad I didn't. Things eventually calmed down and he started enjoying nursery, part of that was him adapting and part was them learning what works for him, but either way I feel we've got the hardest bit behind us. I've still got some worries for next year like the longer days, higher expectations and weather he will be to distracted to eat lunch but feel he's in a much better place then if he gone from nothing to full time school all at once.

I was going to ask if it was a school nursery or private 9-5 jobbie as there is a massive difference.

School nursery for 15 hours a week sounds like a good plan to me OP. He will start to be able to gently acclimatise to the school environment and expectations, and they will be able to get to know him and his needs.

Saying that, you know your child best and will know what he can cope with, and your instincts are there for a reason so do listen to them. However it is very normal to feel torn about putting them into any childcare/education setting - it is really hard letting go of them!

It sounds more like a preschool setting and that's what I was going to suggest. A 9-5 nursery at this age probably isn't going to be beneficial (especially if the nursery doesn't have many children their age), but a preschool, where DC could just go mornings to start and work up, is really valuable and they'll meet friends to go up to reception with. Honestly I'd go for it

I would definitely give the Nursery a go - especially as it's attached to the school. Great opportunity to make the friends he'll get starting school with, relationships with staff, routines etc

@Sprogonthetyne

My DS has ASD and is about to start reception, having spent the last year at the school nursery, so pretty much the same situation but one year ahead. It was definitely a mixed bag, but overall positive.

The main benefit was that they spent lots of the nursery year doing observation and collecting evidence for his EHCP assessment, which means he will be starting reception with a strong EHCP, and hopefully hit the floor running. He has also go to know his 1:1 who will move with him into reception, so hopefully her presence will make the step up from 3 hours to full day easier.

The downside is that he did massively struggle to begin with, and didn't really start enjoying nursery until the last few months (they were closed between Christmas and Easter, which didn't help). He started having a lot more toilet accident, his sleep went completely to pot, and we had a lot more meltdowns at home as he was putting all his efforts into coping at nursery so had no tolerance left if the slightest thing didn't go his way at home.

After the first couple of months I was pretty close to throwing in the towel and withdrawing him for the rest of the year, but looking back I'm so glad I didn't. Things eventually calmed down and he started enjoying nursery, part of that was him adapting and part was them learning what works for him, but either way I feel we've got the hardest bit behind us. I've still got some worries for next year like the longer days, higher expectations and weather he will be to distracted to eat lunch but feel he's in a much better place then if he gone from nothing to full time school all at once.

Thanks so much this is so helpful to read just to hear from someone in a similar situation but a year ahead

Oh 100% at that age. I think kids need to be around children their own age and get used to routine, a busy environment, new rules etc before going to school!

My DD’s been in 9-5 nursery since she was 1 but it wasn’t until she turned 3 that I noticed she really needed nursery. Her friends are a massive part of her life & she’s learning to navigate group dynamics, how to make friends, fall out with them, make back up, share & negotiate.. important life skills 😄

I do both with DD. She does nursery 3 full days a week & on Thursday/Friday we are out & about at classes with friends.. I’ll miss it when she starts school in September ..

My 2yo DD does two days, going up to three when she turns 3, and she absolutely loves it. She is so excited on nursery days, wakes her dad up with 'DADDY IT'S NURSERY TODAY, HURRY UP' so he will get dressed and take her, and comes home filthy and exhausted and happy. We do a lot of stuff together, but with the best will in the world I can't offer the breadth of activities nursery does, and particularly the social aspect. I also noticed her speech came on very rapidly when she started going and her confidence has sky-rocketed.

I had the usual guilt for the first while, and we had a couple of weeks of tears at drop-off (this was after the first lockdown so we hadn't been apart that much for a few months) that I did find a bit upsetting, but then one day it was like a switch had flipped and she ran in that door and didn't look back!

Most 3yr olds benefit from some hours at nursery to prepare them for the transition to school. It’s gets them used to following structure and rules within a class, interacting with other adults and children without their usual parent/carer etc. Not to mention it’s fun and they learn stuff. I’d definitely think a bit of nursery during the week could be positive for your child, especially after all the kids have missed out so much on social interaction over the last year. Also would help you with the transition to school, as it’ll probably feel a big jump for you to suddenly go from having your child with you full time to full time school. You deserve a bit of “you” time too.