Help please, I'm a terrible mother

[Alyssa80]

Hi,
I'm a single mother to a 5 yo and I work long hours so she has a nanny to take care of her after school. The thing is, on weekends or vacations I'm 100% in charge and I can't get myself or her to be on a schedule. She eats and goes to sleep at different times everyday. I've tried being organized and planning things but after a day or two, everything descends back into chaos.
Whenever I see mothers having perfect daily schedules for their kids I realize how bad my situation is.
The worst part of this being her exponential screen time. I've tried cutting back but when I need to cook or clean or just can't give her my full attention, the only way to stop her from throwing terrible tantrums is to put on the TV or the Ipad.
I'm really worried about raising her to be unorganized, unfocused and/or unruly.
Anyone with ideas on how to turn this around ?
Thanks

You’re not a shit mother, stop comparing yourself to what others appear to be achieving. It may not be their actual lives.

Are you an organised person or is it against your nature?

Are you able to include dc in cooking? Maybe make it fun and make pizzas or something?

You are not a shit mother.

Not everything has to be at the same time but if she having tantrums then keeping to schedule will avoid her being over tired or hungry with encourages tantrums. I’m struggling to see why you find it difficult to keep to a schedule. Perhaps you can explain why it’s difficult.

Trantrums aren’t unheard of at this age but don’t just give in and her devises.

Set clear expectations eg you can have 30 minutes of TV in the morning and some when I’m making dinner and then no more TV and stick to it. If she has a tantrum then say I’m sorry you’re feeling sad and do your chores.

I think some flexibility in routine can be helpful in maintaining routine and this more naturally in to life.
Could you write yourself a routine with built in flexibility or routine A or B depending on what you have to do in the day.
For example breakfast within 1h of getting up, lunch between 12.30 and 1.30 dinner between 4.30 and 5.30.

Would it be helpful to write what you do and when at the moment, build a routine around that and gradually move it towards what you would like your routine to look like