Stopping before you're done

[SleepingStandingUp]

How do you deal with the decision emotionally to stop having babies before you feel like you're done?

DH and i have been discussing vasectomies vs another decade on the pill but it makes me feel sad.

DS and 6, 2 and 2. I'd be 41 at the youngest before another was born and DH 48. We live in a 3 bed house. I haven't worked for 6 years, we rely on Tax Credit top ups and another one would delay going back even longer. I find 3 a handful and am on a low dose of Setraline.

So why do i feel sad?? And how do i put that saddness away to encourage DH to get snipped?

I'm not sure whether this will make you feel better or not, but I was DONE. I knew I was done, I never wanted to be pregnant again, breastfeed again, or have another child. EVER. I had my tubes tied with my second section, and that was absolutely my choice. I was still a bit sad about it--just transiently with the lasts. My youngest is 5 now, and my tubal was one of the best decisions I have ever made, but I still cherish those lasts.

As soon as I pushed mine out I wanted to try for another, and my pregnancies were awful, so I was obviously under the effect of strong hormones!

Dh was adamant about stopping, and very logical and clear headed, which actually made it worse for me because it felt like he had taken all the head arguments and left me with the heart arguments. I know that’s illogical, but that’s kinda the point too.

I’m not sure I’ve any sensible answer - I just grieved and tried my best to see the positives in our family. But it was hard. Mind you, at one point I thought I was pregnant, and that brought some crashingly rational thoughts. I honestly feel that most of my longing was an hormonal trick.

I understand what you mean about wanting that one perfect pregnancy and birth. I really wanted a do-over of my eldest, to right all the mistakes I made. Rationally I know another baby won’t fix that, but the instincts are deeper than the thinking brain.

I know that after 2 I’m done (finances, space, career) but I’m still not quite ready to do something permanent about it as it feels hard to completely close the door on that possibility