Our 7 month old prefers me over his mother

[Nekoyoyo]

Dad here: So our 7 month old cries like mad and is unsettled with his mother, the only time he calms down with her is when she's feeding him or he's off to bed. She is absolutely miserable because of it and it breaks my heart whenever she calls me the favourite parent. What am I doing wrong? How can I help her?

Ha! I'd love my husband to be the favourite parent. That would take the pressure off me and my ears with all the "mummy mummy mummy!"

If he's happy when he's feeding I'm wondering if yhere is a problem feeling and he's hungry and frustrated. Is his weight OK? What does the health visitor say?

They can pick up on stress and it becomes a vicious circle.

• problem feeding

He's feeding fine and his weight is perfect. We waiting for the health visitor to get back to us as we had to self isolate due to possible contact with covid but she isn't responding to our texts and emails.

Aw, I feel for her! My daughter has always preferred my husband to me. It's just the way they are sometimes. She's 13 now, and still prefers him! To be fair, she didn't mind me if he wasn't around, but as soon as he walked in, she was reaching for him, then toddling to him, then running to him. Just reassure her that it's normal for children to gravitate to one parent and it may well change at some point. If baby is feeding okay with her then there's not a lot can be done really, just reassure her it's not personal and to persevere but to try (I know, easier said than done) to relax and not get upset or stressed, babies are like animals, they sense tension.

I should also mention, when he comes to me, he calms down entirely. Smiles at me, acts all happy and stuff. Gives me little cuddles resting his head on my shoulder. But doesn't for my partner

@PricklesAndSpikes

Aw, I feel for her! My daughter has always preferred my husband to me. It's just the way they are sometimes. She's 13 now, and still prefers him! To be fair, she didn't mind me if he wasn't around, but as soon as he walked in, she was reaching for him, then toddling to him, then running to him. Just reassure her that it's normal for children to gravitate to one parent and it may well change at some point. If baby is feeding okay with her then there's not a lot can be done really, just reassure her it's not personal and to persevere but to try (I know, easier said than done) to relax and not get upset or stressed, babies are like animals, they sense tension.

Thank you. I've tried doing my best for her and to help her calm down. But I don't seem to be enough. Or at least I don't feel like I'm helping

@Nekoyoyo

And bless you too, you are very sweet to be so concerned, but there is really nothing you can do. It's early days though at 7 months and I am sure it must make her sad, just keep being understanding. You can't influence who a baby prefers. It may be the way you hold him or the warmth of your body, the way you smell, the material of the clothes you wear or your voice. It's just one of those things. There is literally no point getting upset or trying to do anything. I actually found it quite funny, and it's a bit of a family joke now. The next one (if you have one, I only have the one child so wouldn't know), may be the total opposite and your partner may not be able to foist the baby off on you. She should make the most of you being "The Chosen One"!

[quote PricklesAndSpikes]@Nekoyoyo

And bless you too, you are very sweet to be so concerned, but there is really nothing you can do. It's early days though at 7 months and I am sure it must make her sad, just keep being understanding. You can't influence who a baby prefers. It may be the way you hold him or the warmth of your body, the way you smell, the material of the clothes you wear or your voice. It's just one of those things. There is literally no point getting upset or trying to do anything. I actually found it quite funny, and it's a bit of a family joke now. The next one (if you have one, I only have the one child so wouldn't know), may be the total opposite and your partner may not be able to foist the baby off on you. She should make the most of you being "The Chosen One"! [/quote]
Thank you again. I think we're sticking to the one so we'll see. Im hoping he'll kinda just bounce between us as favourites. I mean, I rarely can ever get him to sleep but his mother. Boom. Sleeps with her. Maybe it will shift in the future

It’s because he’s known her longer and trusts her more.

Do you work? Sometimes I think the parent who is home all day is the boring one while the one who is out all day working is the fun novelty.

Try not to feel bad, you aren’t doing anything wrong. You’ve recognised that this is upsetting for your partner, but it’s not anybody’s fault. Maybe you could make a thing of mentioning the things he prefers for her. Like ‘oh why does he never go to sleep for me and he goes off so nicely with you’ or something like that.

There you go see.... his mum gets him to sleep, and he feeds with her fine too, she's a great mum and you're a great dad other times. Tag teaming baby is a great idea and means you're working well as a team which is essential! Enjoy your little one, you're both doing just fine! Keep your sense of humour and get ready for all the other challenges he's going to throw at you over time...

Nobody's doing anything wrong. They go through these stages. Right now it's you. All of a sudden it'll be her. Grandparents get a turn at being favourite and a turn at being scary stranger who is terrifying. (Sometimes in the same week.) The dog, the cat, the hoover, they all get star of the week.

She absolutely cannot take it personally. It's not a rejection of her. She should make the most of it or she'll be kicking herself when she can't go for a pee alone!

@Kanaloa

Do you work? Sometimes I think the parent who is home all day is the boring one while the one who is out all day working is the fun novelty.

Try not to feel bad, you aren’t doing anything wrong. You’ve recognised that this is upsetting for your partner, but it’s not anybody’s fault. Maybe you could make a thing of mentioning the things he prefers for her. Like ‘oh why does he never go to sleep for me and he goes off so nicely with you’ or something like that.

I work but I've been on furlough since December when he was born. So we've both been around him the whole time.

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone replying. Literally made an account to ask this question. It's nice to feel like we're not alone

If it's helps, when my ds was a baby , anytime I couldn't settle him I'd give him straight to dh. Dh was very calm while I would start to panic.
Once passed the baby stage ds I was completely confident and became the 'favourite' parent:)

Is baby breast feeding? If so that would be it. He will be able to smell the milk on mum and some babies just like the be snacking/ suckling all the time when they are near mum. Nothing to do with hunger, if he was really hungry he wouldn’t settle when taken off mum. It’s hard but is completely normal, if not frustrating.

When my son was a baby he preferred my husband. As an older baby/toddler if he woke in the night I'd go into him and he would scream at me NOT YOU and occasionally throw things at me.

He is 16 now and he's absolutely fine, always happy to give me a hug, happy, well adjusted and loving.

It's just a stage, I think by about age three my boy was happy to go to either of us. (I know that seems a long way off now!)

I have a male friend who is an excellent baby calmer. He also gives very good hugs. He's always warm, and is broad across the chest (rugby player) so I think babies just like that he's big and warm and solid!

I don't think there's much you can do about it really, unfortunately. Babies are funny little things sometimes! I think you'll just have to say to your DW things like "look how nicely he goes to sleep for you", and hope he hits a new stage soon.

Ah DS preferred his father from day 1.

He still now prefers his father. I'm just boring mum you know the house maid, the cook the health and safety inspector and taxi service. I'm not "fun" I'm there to provide a wellbeing service in DS's eyes 😂

Sometimes babies just have a preference nobody is doing anything wrong. Trust me.

You're definitely not alone! I think that depending on the kind of general vibes that you put out, your baby prefers each of you for different things. My daughter wants me when she's tired, ill or hurt herself. She always wants my partner for playtime and evening cuddles! Babies can definitely pick up on stress too. I also find that if I have been with her all day, by late afternoon/evening she just wants her dad, and if she's been with him all day she wants me. I know that it must feel horrible for you DP, but try to encourage her to take advantage of the times that your baby wants you by going and relaxing, having a bath, reading a book, catching up on her shows etc 😊

Thank you everyone. It's so reassuring to know I'm not doing anything wrong. She's trying to take advantage of the time she gets but i can tell she's just yearning for that attention. I guess it's just gonna take some time to adjust. Perhaps I should just give them more, them time to bond? Like perhaps I should just go out and leave the house to them every now and then?

Hiya, our son was like this at five months and I was heartbroken. It's definitely a stage and will pass. He's two now and bounces happily between us. There are moments where he craves some time with one or the other of us and we just make an effort to give him that time and attention.

I'm sure you guys will be fine. Good luck!

Is your wife breastfeeding, OP?

Same with me - my son is 18 months old and has preferred me since around 9 months when I started my paternity leave, so that's slightly different to your situation. My wife gets upset too. What can help is if I go out for a few hours to give them some time together without the risk of the boy running over to me. But it's a phase and it'll pass