Does a third child bring chaos?

[gemloving]

I've always wanted three. I now have two.

One is 3 months, the other is 2 1/2. I said to DH that I would like the gap between 2&3 to be small, so the first is not yet in school when our 3rd would be born (start trying when DS2 turns 1) & it'll be nice for them to close in age. Don't get me wrong, I know it's hard. It's already not always easy. I found the first few weeks really tough but everything seems to be falling into place now.

I've spoken to my friend who has been a nanny for a long time and she said, think about it carefully as a 3rd often brings chaos, you only have two hands.

If you are a family of 3, how did you feel? Did it get a lot more chaotic? Am I being naive about it?

What do you mean by chaos? I have 3 and I don't identify with what your friend is saying.

I'm also a single parent and have been since my youngest was about 2, and even before that I did most of it by myself anyway. And my eldest is asd and has adhd.

Hard work? Yes. Chaos? Depends what you mean by that?

Never did for us, loved having 3 under 5 (before school for the eldest) I guess I'm just not a very chaotic person

I totally agree that 3 is the point it can switch into chaos! It probably depends on your children’s personalities to an extent though - mine (particularly my second and third) are very lively children

It also seems to double your laundry.

In my experience a third child did bring chaos which didn't relent for 15 years... but I am very glad I had him now that he's turned into a grown up delightful man.

Depends on the child, really! In an ideal world I would have had three, but I wanted childbearing and nursery fees over, plus I had got very lucky with two kids that were 'easy' babies and toddlers and it would have seemed like tempting fate to have had a third! But my mum said she didn't feel it was that different having 2 compared to 3, and we were all only 2 years apart.

For me, yes. Absolute unending chaos. Youngest is 7 now and if anything it's getting more chaotic!

3 is brilliant, although mine are 9,7 and 1 so the elder ones help out and aren't as needy. When it was just me as a single parents to the eldest two, who were 1 and 3 at the time, that was harder!

And he's a fairly easy child to be fair! It's just the added noise, work, driving, washing, parties and playdates, money, arguments etc. Its very full on! When I'm without one of the DC, two (in any combination) is a piece of piss by comparison.

It does generally mean a much bigger car; so many family outings are geared to family of four in terms of tickets; you can get two against one dynamic. I’m the middle of three girls and we definitely had the latter.
It also means those sports/weekend activities get tricky. My friend who has three said she often had to rope in her nanny to ferry one of the kids to football/dance/mates party at the weekend while dad did one kid and she did the second. I certainly remember having to dash between sports at sports day and I have two so both felt I was watching them! I had to chose which kid got to do what when things clashed, which is normal even in a two parent/2 kid family as both parents aren’t always available, and that may always be the case with three. One of your children may have SEN and require more attention and that can be hard on the other ones (this happened to a family of four kids, eldest had dyspraxia, second quite high anxiety, third just a bit boisterous, but last one had severe allergies that required lots of vigilance. The third started acting up - bit his teacher on first day for example - partly to get some attention)!
But are any of these reasons not to have a third child? Depends what kind of person you are. I found two enough (also had teen step kids who lived with us). I was also in my 40s.
If you want another, have the energy and financial wherewithal, then go for it.

Yes absolute chaos but int he best way. Although my oldest is in reception and my middle does a few days in nursery. I wouldn't fancy it if I never got any time.off at all from all 3!

Friends of mine with 3 openly say they regret it and it is so much harder than just 2. But ultimately it depends on the individual children doesn't it. If you want another then have one but don't be one of those parents that moans about how hard it is forever more. I find it very grating as someone who is struggling to have second child, when parents of 2 or more complain how hard it is and that no one could understand what it's like. Nobody forced you into it so if you're already worried about coping, maybe hold off.

It can very quickly descend into chaos yes. You have to be pretty firm with them or it becomes Lord of the flies is a very short amount of time. They outnumber you (I'm a single parent as well) and they are well aware of it. Dont show fear

My DS summed up the situation as 2 isn’t enough and 3 is too many. Ie you don’t have enough hands when you are crossing the road.
As the middle of three, married to the middle of three, I can only say that I don’t think anyone should have three children. We stopped at two.

@mdh2020

My DS summed up the situation as 2 isn’t enough and 3 is too many. Ie you don’t have enough hands when you are crossing the road. As the middle of three, married to the middle of three, I can only say that I don’t think anyone should have three children. We stopped at two.

Well, surprisingly, people manage to cross the road with 3 children without any issues. I've no idea what your dh went through but dictating how other people choose to reproduce is pretty extreme!

I've got 3, all grown up now, and I'd say logistics were sometimes challenging, but the elder 2 were quite hands-on with the baby, and were not the sort of children to run into the road anyway. DS2 had started at school nursery by the time DS3 was born which meant I had some time just with the baby, and that the older 2 had some degree of independence, eg could take themselves to the toilet alone!
Having them closer together would be harder, and help might be useful for a while!

I have 3, admittedly the youngest is not yet 1, but I haven’t found it chaotic at all. My others were 4&5 when the baby was born and I think the bigger gap was my saviour.

I have to say though, I am (and always have been) strict. I expect to be listened to the first time I say something, and I have zero tolerance for messing around. I’ve explained to the children that there’s only 1 of me, 3 of them, and my job is to keep them safe, it mightn’t seem fair, but it’s the way it is.

As a result though, I know I can easily take them anywhere and do anything with them (for eg. I can easily take all 3 swimming on my own whereas I have friends who seem to struggle taking 1 child alone).

That being said, I don’t think I could’ve survived with a much smaller age gap!

For us the chaos is outweighed by the joy.

I am middle of 3 and we definitely didn't grow up in chaos! My dad worked away a lot too so it was my mum on her own with us most of the time. 4 years between first and last.

I have 2 and am pregnant with 3rd. Will be 4 years between 1st and last.will let you know how it goes 😅

@LemonWeb

For us the chaos is outweighed by the joy.

This ^.

I always describe it as “happy chaos”.
We’re always busy, but the house is full of laughter.

I knew I wasn’t done when I had DS2 so we had another when he was 2.5. It’s definitely busier than I thought it would be but chaotic? No. I am very organised though - not in a micro managing kind of way, just I always know what’s happening and I plan for it. I’m also luck in that I only work very part time (but in a demanding job). DH is also as much of a hands on parent / housework person as me.

I LOVE having my pack of boys and often wish I’d had one more. I rarely sit down though!

I’m a third child and have never been chaotic or caused chaos. My oldest sibling is chaos personified!

When I had three (I now have five) a third child brought peace it evened the family out when they get fed up of each other they play with the other sibling instead.I have fond memories of those times.It would also depend on the child some children take up much of the parents time and some just get on with it and are more relaxed.

I used to think I might have a 3rd when DD2 was a baby. My eldest is a very sensible, not wild child. And DD2 was a chill, very happy, good sleeping baby. Then she started walking at 10 months & turned into a toddler terror! 😅 and DD1 found age 3.5-4 extremely emotional. It’s been a realllly hard 8-9 months! I mean, not all bad but god do I find two hard work 🙈 I’m hoping it gets easier once DD1 starts school in September!

3 was easy and I do it alone most of the time as dh is military so away a lot (sahm though). 1 & 2 have 5yr gap, 2 & 3 have 16.5mth gap.
We had twins when 3rd was nearing 3yr and number 6 is due soon, twins are 6yr now. The noise level is crazy and I need to be very organised but I love it. The older they get the easier things become too.

I found 1 to 2 much harder than 2 to 3. I had 3 under 5 when my youngest was born, 2 years between the smallest 2. I wouldn't be without any of them. I was one of two and find that a third has taken away that pressure that can be on two siblings to have to play together etc. Its not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it is fun!