Relentlessness of Parenting: help!

[Achurchi]

Hi all, I'm not really sure what the point of me writing this is. I posted on here a few weeks ago and only got one reply. I feel so lost at the moment. Every day is the same, relentless slog. I have a 5 year old and 1 year old and went back to work 7 weeks ago, albeit wfh and 3 days a week until September when it goes up to 4 days.

I just can't seem to bring myself out of this 'fug'. It's really affecting my relationship with my husband and my eldest definitely has picked up on my mood. Sometimes I can't hide it very well. I get really angry at the littlest things and always feel so so tired. I've currently been in bed since 5pm. I just left my husband to do all of dinner and bedtime. He does a lot already and has been doing even more since I've been feeling like this. We're meant to be camping next week but I've told my husband I'm not going if the weather continues as it is as it'll just be miserable (we're in the south where it's currently peeing down with rain!).
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I don't really expect to get any/many replies based on my last experience of posting on here but it's at least a tiny bit cathartic to get my thoughts out somewhere.

No advice really but I’m similar. I have a 7 year old and an 8 month old. I’ve been constantly ill since I had my last one. Minor stuff really but that + the lack of sleep from baby waking constantly + housework+ attention seeking 7 year old with a full social calendar + Del Boy husband who constantly seems to have some ‘big new idea’ is all just exhausting. I can barely be bothered holding a conversation with anyone these days.
We went camping two weeks ago and I came back even more exhausted than I was before and ended up with two cold sores and a sty. Don’t go if you don’t want to

You are not wrong. It is relentless. My dc are teenagers now and I honestly can’t imagine what it must have been like having small children during lockdown.

I don’t think anyone could blame you for not wanting to go camping when the weather is like this! It would be awful. I haven’t looked at the forecast but if it picks up it would be nice to get away for a short time.

Do you have to wfh? Who looks after the dc? It would be nice to get out if you can.

You need to build some things in to your calendar to look forward to. Some family things but importantly things for yourself too.

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it

Op, it might be worth running this by your GP, just in case there is a touch of postpartum depression. If that's the case, they can help!
Sending strength. It is relentless. And don't go camping if you are not up to it.

So sorry you’re feeling this way. It is relentless. You’re probably doing a much, much better job than you think you are.

Just a couple of things to try:

• drink plenty of water, eat as healthily as you can, try to get some fresh air every day
• visit GP to exclude physical or mental health reasons you feel this way
• only go camping if you all want to go camping!

Keep hanging in there.

Ah OP. It's tough. It is so exhausting with the constant demands, questions and noise. I think the advice to speak to the GP is good, the first year or so after having your second baby is notoriously difficult, trying to balance the needs of different children and therefore feeling nothing you could possibly do is good enough. Add in work and well, anybody would be shattered and too thinly stretched. I am a single parent to two pre-schoolers and work full time so I get it! I feel like a zombie most days. But I also know how fast this time has gone and that it will get easier. It's just super hard when you're stuck in the day to day drudgery.

I would dump the camping and tell your DH you would rather have 3 days in a hotel than a week at a campsite. You need to look after yourself or you will burn out.

Sorry to hear you are feeling run down. It is absolutely exhausting, more so than I ever thought it would be. I have an almost 4 year old and a 20 month old. I am completely worn out 95 per cent of the time. Both don't sleep through the night still, wake up early as in 5.30am to 6 every day. The boys don't get on a lot of the time at the moment so I feel like a referee plus children's entertainer rolled into one. We've all been ill with bugs for about 6 weeks and I still have shudders thinking about how we got through the lockdowns.

Can you try to make a tiny bit of time for yourself? Take some vitamins.
Eat healthy when you can.
Focus on the positives.
Get as much support as you can.

Hope you feel better soon.

There’s a thread at least every week on here about how shit being a parent is, hopefully you can find solidarity in one of them. I don’t think you’re depressed, necessarily, parenthood genuinely sounds awful. Good luck.

Thanks for everyone's kind words. Sometimes just helps to know I'm not alone!

OP - I have a 3 year old and 5 year old. Work part time and I'm shattered! Did wonder if I was depressed but I think I'm just tired of parenting and working.

No advice but I get it. Feel like I'm constantly shouting at them

Hi OP... we are in a similar situation with work and kids ages and it is totally relentless right now!! Glad you posted this 😀 .. I agree with all the other posters about how tough it is.. MRSEKO has a good point about putting things into the calendar to look forward to and get a break for yourself .. it’s my way of getting through all this at the moment .. I’ve managed to get a friends (adult) daughter to babysit for a few hours during the day at a weekend from time to time and honestly it makes such a difference just having some freedom from feeling constantly needed ! And the kids get a much more engaged mum out of it too .. the routine of looking after kids every single day is just exhausting and mundane and WFH add to that now , I used to love WFH but now I’m going to really appreciate the social interaction I get from being in an office. I’m all for making life easy with small kids now - I think staycations with good trips out every day are far less stressful than going away, kids adjusting to everything and the hassle that goes with this .. I think your husband should enjoy some camping in your garden for a few nights -kids will love it just as much as their age 😀

You need to allocate yourself some alone time - have a 3 hour bath, go get a massage, have grandparents/relatives take the kids for a night so you can just relax.

Sometimes posts get lost on MN because of the sheer volume of them (and the Jeremy Kyle type ones always get the most traffic!) but have a scroll down the parenting chats and you’ll find plenty of others in your boat. Sending hugs.

It's hard when they're so young OP. I definitely found it hard until my youngest was about 4. FWIW, I had a two year age gap and I must admit I'm glad we didn't have a larger age gap. It was a hard slog when they were younger, but I'm glad the baby and toddler days are well and truly behind us.

@NowEvenBetter

There’s a thread at least every week on here about how shit being a parent is, hopefully you can find solidarity in one of them. I don’t think you’re depressed, necessarily, parenthood genuinely sounds awful. Good luck.

It's not. It's wonderful. But it's also very difficult, especially when children are young and very demanding.

@Hissysnake

It's hard when they're so young OP. I definitely found it hard until my youngest was about 4. FWIW, I had a two year age gap and I must admit I'm glad we didn't have a larger age gap. It was a hard slog when they were younger, but I'm glad the baby and toddler days are well and truly behind us.

I totally agree with this. Mine were close together and are still in the relentless stage - although not quite as relentless - but it was the best way. Get all of the sleepless nights etc out of the way in one go, and being close in age they are growing up very close and love to play together. People often ask if they are twins. It will get better, OP. The days are long but the years are short.

It can be REALLY tough. I’m currently in the struggling to cope camp. My children have been ill solidly for the last 5 weeks. One thing after another. We all got norovirus. Then both DD’s have need hospital for separate things the last 5 days. DD2 was admitted for two nights.

I broke down to my manager at work this morning as I’m on the floor physically & emotionally. They were brilliant, told me to take a week off, rest, take some time for just me while the kids are at nursery/grandparents. I’m so grateful. I literally laid on the sofa, watched the Olympics all morning & then went for a long walk with an audiobook this afternoon along the river.. I already feel lifted. I had no idea how much I needed to just stop. Have silence. Have no responsibility for a few hours. To have space to think for a while.

Do not underestimate how much you need some time off being a parent. Even just a few hours. It’s perfectly ok! Maybe book a days annual leave when your kids are in nursery or whoever looks after them & just do nothing or whatever makes you feel happy. Not jobs or chores but a walk, a run, a swim, a nap, shopping.. whatever you need!