I want!

[clareykb]

So DTS are almost 7 for context, and not as an excuse they were prem and have had a tricky start which has led to mild developmental delay meaning they are young for their age. We have had no real behaviour issues with them at home or school and they are generally polite and well mannered...until now! Since we have been out to places this summer they have had so many melt downs in shops/attractions because I won't buy them hugely expensive toys/ let them go on things that cost extra and are a rip off. So much so that I'm starting to dread taking them to places which is daft as they are mostly fine until we leave or they see something they want. They aren't spoiled kids really, but one has pandered to this in the past so other than the fact that they have been unable to do things like this in lock down and don't really know why it's happening..any advice would be welcome before my gin expenditure goes through the roof..

'I want, never gets'. 1970's revisited, but works.

'I want a helicopter/giraffe/talking dog' tends to make them laugh & distracts.

But honestly, setting out what will/won't be happening BEFORE you go somewhere helps.

DT's we can go to the 'zoo' today, we can get an ice cream, but we won't be buying anything from the gift shop is that understood? (Eyeball each of them)

If they still kick off, next time ask them if they want to go to the 'zoo' or stay home? Then remind them that there will not be anything from the gift shop and if the same thing happens as last time you won't be taking them again.

Talk to them, they're 7 (young 7 as may be, but still plenty old/mature enough to understand).

Birthdays/Christmas -they can save money for days out etc

Thanks we do the saving up birthday money and I don't give in to them when they go on but I'll try talking to them before we go. See if that makes a difference.

No advice I'm afraid, but we went to London Zoo a few weeks ago and I was not happy having to walk through the gift shop to exit the zoo

Thankfully my children were too tired to think about buying anything and just wanted to get back to the car. I dodged a bullet on that occasion, but if they hadn't been so tired it could have been a completely different story.

Can you give them pocket money? They can learn about saving for things they want,and they can be in charge of whether they get some small toy or sweet when you go out.

I do what @AlmostSummer21 posted, with my DS 4.5 almost everywhere we go and it really works. Of course he will ask when in the gift shops but I stick to what I’ve said and no breakdowns or tantrums

I say no to most things. Ours do not throw fits about it or they get the death stare and the low tone mum voice. It's a case of do not show me up or you will lose the things you love at home, like their tablets.

Offer to write it on a list for them or suggest they write their own list/take a photo of it.

This sounds mad but really does work
"We aren't buying things today but if you'd like I can put it on a list for another time /so you can remember"

Give them some pocket money. Tell them they can save it to buy things when they go out, but you won’t be buying them things in the shop. My dd enjoys working out what seems like best value for the money she’s got. Don’t feel embarrassed about the tantrums, loads of kids have them and it’s just a way of pushing boundaries.

Also generally start talking to them about what things cost. Get them to guess - how much does a house cost? How much does an adult earn? How much is a ticket to the Zoo? How much is a school dinner? How much is a pint of milk and how much is an ice cream? It takes a few years to get an idea of the relative price of things.

And talk to them about the environment a bit, do we really need all these plastic souvenirs and cuddly toys etc? Steer them towards a useful gift like a reusable water bottle.

I’ve also been encouraging my DD to sell her old toys online with me, giving her the money to spend. She doesn’t earn much, and it makes her realise that buying brand new toys and books is really expensive.

@toolazytothinkofausername

No advice I'm afraid, but we went to London Zoo a few weeks ago and I was not happy having to walk through the gift shop to exit the zoo

Thankfully my children were too tired to think about buying anything and just wanted to get back to the car. I dodged a bullet on that occasion, but if they hadn't been so tired it could have been a completely different story.

There's a side exit right next to the shop which you could've used at London Zoo. You don't have to go through the gift shop to get out.

Seconding
"I want never gets"
And
"If you really love this one, let's put it on your birthday list"

Thanks everyone there have sold some old toys and are saving the money for a game the want so we have done bits about learning about money and saving. I think, having read everything we may but just need to be more consistent about it. I like the environment idea too.. they are quite in ton hat at the moment. We have a new refills place which they love going to and the were very interested about plastic polution so that might be a good angle. Birthday is fairly soon too so that might work too.

Definitely agree with the list suggestion! I do this with mine, if she starts asking/whining for something I just say "let's write it on your list & see if you get it for your birthday or off Santa" & she's happy then!

We use the exact same approach as @Guineapigbridge on DD4.5.

I used to say to DS at that age. "Yep, sure you can buy it with your own money"

Most of the time, he suddenly wouldn't want said item. Or he'd says things like"I haven't got any/enough", to which I would say, 'oh well, nevermind, you can save up for it and we can get it another day".

Once he asked if I could but it and he'd "pay me back"...I said no. #MeanMother

So were were at a National Trust type place today and I told them before we went that there would be ice cream but no shop and if they complained about it no ice cream. It did work yey! So thanks for all the ideas... going to have to have a word with the grandparents now!