13 month old - shared interest/joint attention concerns?

[Summerseeker]

Hi all,

I would love to know what your baby was like at 13 months old. My son doesn’t seem to have much shared / joint attention? I know that the importance of this is really stressed and if it isn’t there can be a massive red flag…
Is that something that develops a little bit over the next year?

My main concern which sounds ridiculous but he can play independently for ages and ages. I can be sitting there and he will not engage me in his play at all, or seemingly check in either. Like, at all. He doesn’t bring me toys or books anymore either - really no shared interests in this sort of area at all. Is this normal at this age? Or should he be wanting to engage me more?

His eye contact hasn’t ever been amazing and he is the busiest boy ever. Exploring everywhere all the time. At playgroup the babies are happy to sit there and he’s the one that’s racing off to look at stuff. He’s always been advanced in his gross motor and has been on the move since 6 months old so I don’t know if it’s just his temperament to be busy? Which makes it seem like he isn’t that interested in other babies. Again, is this to early? He sleeps dreadfully and still wakes up every 1.5 - 3 hours too.

He has Atleast 5 words, he waves in response to others (sometimes) he claps and loves peek a boo, chasy, points at things he wants and other things like birds and pictures in books etc (although doesn’t look back at you when he does?) and mostly always answers to his name unless hes very engrossed in something. He shares his food / drink bottle and puts stuff in my mouth. In all other areas he seems to be developing typically I suppose?

I’ve always had a little worry that something is a little different and as he’s getting older it’s getting more pronounced.. it’s an awful feeling and I feel like a right twit because I’m just desperate to enjoy him but it’s hard because I feel quite disconnected because he doesn’t involve me in his play and seek me out.

If anyone could shed any light on what your little ones are like at this age, (it’s hard having been in and out of lockdowns and the pandemic as we don’t spend too much time with other children) or if I should be concerned that would be lovely.

THanks in advance x

What does he do if you sit by him and enthusiastically play with a toy? Is he interested in what you’re eating or drinking?

He’s definitely interested in what I’m eating and drinking. If I sit down and TRY and play with what he’s doing, he’ll continue on his merry way as he was. If I try and distract him enthusiastically with something to play with me, I guess he humours me for a few seconds but he still wouldn’t really include me so he might take what I’m trying to show him and then play with that?

My DD is 19 months but she has definitely come through a stage of wanting to play/explore by herself rather than wanting me to join in. And it is only in the last month or 2 she has started bringing me toys or books to play with or look at with her, again.
I think, at this age, it's very much a thing to play alongside others, independently. Rather than playing together.

Around 13 months, she also loved saying "bye" but it would be after the person left or we walked away, etc. Whereas now it's a big wave and enthusiastic "bye"

My DS is 13m right now- I would say that about 10% of his day is completely independent - not acknowledging me etc, and 90% is doing something and watching for my reaction, passing me toys and books, jabbering away, and if I take a min to look at my phone he is climbing up my back to make me laugh or coming in for a cuddle - he really doesn't like when I'm not giving him his full attention.

I am sure your LO is going through a phase and someone will shed some light - I hope my comment is helpful and not just adding to your worry.

Hi @Summerseeker just wondering how your little boy is doing now? My baby sounds very similar in that he is incredibly busy and advanced on the physical side but has never brought something over to show me and doesn't engage me in his games at all (although he can be very clingy and definitely cares about me being around) would be very interested to hear how your little one is getting on! 😊

@Summerseeker @Cazzyandthebabe do you have updates xxx

Hi @Alice4417 sorry for the delay in replying I have just seen this notification! My boy is 3.5 now and I don't have any concerns on this front anymore... in fact I wish he would need me less for his games and play more independently! He has always been quite a challenging and 'highly sensitive' kid and I think all my concerns when he was little actually came back to this rather than developmental delays or neurodivergence. But I was finding it so tough and looking for 'answers' anywhere I could. In the end, it just took a long time for us both to settle but he is a truly delightful, intelligent, quirky, sociable and fun 3.5 year old now... I still can't be sure if there is or is not some element of neurodiversity at play but if there is, it isn't something that gives me any cause for concern. Hope that helps a little... I know how stressful it can be when you have these worries! X

Sorry, I’ve just seen this too! My post was the original and goodness me @Cazzyandthebabe I could’ve written your comment word for word.
@Alice4417 My son is nearing four and a half and he’s truly delightful - (albeit busy and hard work) no concerns on this end either. He’s a bit slow to warm but is enjoying making friends, still very smart and just a busy boy. My early concerns were I think the same, simply just have turned out to be temperament, and to be honest, anxiety and PPD. I was looking for anything and everything to worry about or be wrong and I wish I could’ve enjoyed him more!! since having my second who is COMPLETELY different, a Velcro toddler who stares into my soul and would be happy if he could be next to me 24/7, I can really appreciate just how different they all are. If you’ve got any major concerns or seeing any big red flags definitely link in with a paed, but otherwise, try not to stress the small stuff, or incessantly google things that honestly might just be their personality. Xxx