My toddler really doesn't like me

[Cakeandslippers]

For as long as she could express it, my 2.5 year old has told me she doesn't like me and only likes daddy. Her sibling was born over a year ago and I've tried extra hard to make sure she's not left out.

We had a phase recently for a couple of months where she was fine with me and it was amazing, I was so happy. But it didn't last, she has reverted back and I feel so sad about it. Everyone says it's a phase but when I ask how long it lasted they say a few weeks/ months , for me it's coming up 2 years, almost all her life.

She cries for daddy when he's not here, she screams in the night if I go into her because she only wants daddy (still wakes quite a bit) and often in the day won't let me touch her or come too near her. I try really hard not to show how upsetting it is and to carry on like normal, give her tons of praise etc. We try and find at least one thing a week to do together without her sibling and dad - sometimes she's ok, other times she sulks because she just wants daddy.

Is this how it's going to be for the rest of her childhood? It's so exhausting and I often question whether I am just not worthy of being a mother. Has anyone else been through this for such a long period?

My 3.8 year old is such a daddy’s boy, so I really sympathise with you. Most days I manage not to take it personally but if I’m feeling down it can be hard to take. Or when he’s said he doesn’t like me for no reason for the 100th time that hour, I tell him he needs to stop now. It can be relentless and upsetting. But it’s really nothing personal about you. After my name being mud in our house for over a year now by DS1 has just started asking for me to put him to bed again and yesterday said I was his best friend. So hang in there, they’re so fickle at this age!

Urgh sympathy I had this same age my sister did too at this exact age and only with our eldests. In both cases the other people you mention were right - it was a phase that passed on though lasted a while for both of us. It is upsetting. Both kids in our cases very loving and normal to us now.

You have my sympathy. My DD was a bit like this with her Dad but was fine with him if I wasn't there.
She did grow out of it but it lasted for about 2 years, so not a short phase at all.

Hopefully it's a phase some kids are just like that though unfortunately for the parent who is less favored but always remember it's not your fault it's just the way they are. They are young and still developing a sense of themselves.
My 2.5yr old twin neices have always been like this one clings to mommy and won't let the dad near her to help with anything like feeding, nappies, getting dressed or other things and shys away from the extended family even me despite the fact I see her at least once a week for a few hrs she crys if I try and pick her up. The other twin is just as happy with one parents as the other and will run up. To me for hugs and want to sit on my lap playing for hours.

I also used to mind a 3.5yr old and his not quite 2yr old brother and their parents worked from home because of covid. The 3.5yr old wanted his mom all day every day. He would cry when his dad took him to school or picked him up and not his mom. She had to sneak out of the house to get coffee down the road or pop to the shop or the older boy would have a melt down until she returned. If she came down to the kitchen to have lunch and had to go back to her office upstairs to work she would start crying for her. If he wasn't allowed to do something he would run up stairs screaming, not crying, screaming, and burst into her office. But he couldn't care less for the dad... And the 20month old was the same only with the dad. Wanted to be with the dad all the time, only wanted the dad when he fell over or bumped himself etc. He was no where as extreme as his brother in salutations like the dad didn't have to sneak away but he would still want to join him and jot the mom. And 9 out of 10 mornings when I'd arrive at breakfast time and ask how the night went the mom would have ehad to bring the 3yr old to the spare room and dad the 20month old to their bed at 2am because the boys shared a room and would wake eachother up.