Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Mum is obsessed with money

9 replies

helen915 · 31/07/2021 08:05

My mum is very generous to my family, but she loves to bring it up and it’s really toxic to me.

My husband and I are not struggling for money, but we have a lot of house costs at the moment, a new baby and I’m on maternity leave. So she has helped buy things for the house and baby. The problem is she likes to make it known she is paying our way. She often tells people that she bought something or she will be sorting this or that. Also say we have something for the baby, she will ask constantly, ‘is that the one I bought’ or ‘ I know it was expensive but I don’t mind’

It’s made my husband turn a bit sour to it as he doesn’t like to feel like a charity and it is embarrassing when she goes in about it all the time.

Also we are renovating our house and she dictates to me what to do, I tell her it's not worth spending money on and she will say, well it doesn't matter I'll pay for it. But there's no consideration to what we actually want. I feel like we are just a project to her.

Basically, my mum is obsessed with money and it’s making me feel shit about myself. I need the help and I’m grateful but how do I tell her that her attitude is toxic.

OP posts:
DameCelia · 31/07/2021 08:11

Sorry @helen915 , you don't tell her that her attitude is toxic. You stop accepting help or you accept it and the comments that go with it.
If you want to try tackling it non confrontationally you could wait until next time she says something, then ask nicely whether everything is alright financially because you've noticed that she's constantly mentioning the cost of things she's bought and you're worried she can't really afford it.
She may be completely unaware she's doing it, she may just be enjoying feeling involved in your lives, she may be spending money she can't afford.

Pissinthepottyplease · 31/07/2021 08:14

You don’t. You stop accepting the money.

longwayoff · 31/07/2021 08:27

You and husband don't have to take her money. If you do, you're paying the price for doing so. Choose which you prefer.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

helen915 · 31/07/2021 08:37

A lot of the time we haven’t asked for the money, it will be gifts or something she has randomly bought for us. I have in the past asked her to return things to save her money but she gets offended by it.

She sees it as gifts for the baby or the house.

OP posts:
longwayoff · 31/07/2021 08:57

Right. Just say no OP. You're grown up now and can do as you like.

helen915 · 31/07/2021 09:29

@longwayoff how would you advise saying no to gifts without sounding rude or ungrateful?

OP posts:
longwayoff · 31/07/2021 10:56

Gifts, birthdays and Christmas only, costing no more than £x. It's your family, you make the rules. Be ruthless. She is and has taught you to be a grateful recipient whether you want it or not.

Chelyanne · 31/07/2021 11:00

I'd refuse gifts from someone who behaved like that. A gift is something you thank someone for then move on not have them bring it up over and over like they saved you from destitution.

Don't keep her up to date on what you are doing or need financially.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 31/07/2021 11:29

Why is she so involved in your life and therefore in your husband's life? I wouldn't want that level of scrutiny and interference from my mother in law or my mum and it will get worse when the baby arrives

New posts on this thread. Refresh page