Need help with my 4 month old baby

[Cupcakejamlover]

Hi, i have a 4 month old baby (first baby) and am really frustrated when it comes to napping/sleeping/feeding..

Whenever its time for a nap (usually around 1h30min after waking up) he would have his tored cues, rub his eyes and start being fussy so i know he is tired and its time for a nap, so i swaddle him and start rocking him (i know bad habit but thats a whole other story) and he would cry and scream and i have to literally rock him quite fast for around 5 minutes until he falls asleep. By the end of it my arms are exhausted and my mouth is super dry from all the “shhhhing”. I know this is not normal but it happens every single time. I wonder what i’m doing wrong. I usually offer the boob but he refuses it, sometimes he refuses it and screams at it but then few minutes later wants it.. i’m just so confused and i dont know what to do anymore..

Same goes for night time sleep, i do his whole bath routine and massage and everything hoping for it to relax him but as soon as he is dressed and knows he is going to sleep he will scream until i rock him like crazy… what am i doing wrong and what should i do moving forward?
His schedule is usually nap for 50 minutes- 1 hour, awake for 1.5 hour. At night he sleeps for longer stretches and is fine as i think he sleep feeds, so he doesnt really wake up.

Thank you for any help

He is turning 4 months in few days so technically he is still 3 months, not sure if it makes a big difference

Also what i forgot to say is he would scream whilst i am rocking him, the entire time, until he is finally asleep…

I am a bit confused- so he screams whether he’s rocked or not?
Anyway, don’t rock him ‘like crazy’ but otherwise, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. There’s nothing at all wrong with rocking him. It reassures babies that they are not forgotten.
As for the shushing, just stop if it’s hard going. He might like white noise, pink noise, rain…there are loads of free ones to choose from on YouTube. Or just sing to him, babies all like that.
As for the screaming, maybe he’s a little tense? If you are feeling tense, he will pick up on it. Perhaps switch the routine around.
Try massaging him when he’s more wakeful, or leave it out for a while. Or just stroke his hand and sing to him.

It is normal and you're not doing anything wrong.

Rocking and shushing your baby to sleep is totally normal! Only 5 minutes is really good going.
Tired baby screaming is totally normal too.

My suggestions:
Get white noise on LOUD to save you from shushing.
Rock in a pram or bouncer to save your arms
Give him to dummy to stop the screaming (some babies won’t take them but if they do it’s a godsend)

You’re doing a great job though and your baby is totally normal.

Have you tried pushing him out on the pram or putting him in the sling when he’s tired for naps? They like the movement of the pram and the closeness of the sling and it might stop the screaming, rocking, shushing. Mix it up so he will sleep in different situations and you can go out and about easily.

You’re not doing anything wrong, and you’re not creating a bad habit - please don’t worry.

Babies need a lot of help to fall asleep. Whether it’s feeding, rocking, shushing, patting etc - it’s absolutely normal. It can be very tiring, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

My baby sometimes cries at the point of sleeping, because he is quite sleep resistant and doesn’t like to be put down. I rock him to the point of him being nearly asleep then place him in the cot and shush him til he sleeps. But it has taken weeks of gentle work, gradually reducing our input, to get him to this point. Before, he needed fed or rocked all the way to a deep sleep.

Your baby is still so young, and learning sleep as a skill. Don’t worry about doing what you need to to get him sleeping at the moment. He will eventually learn to sleep independently, but that isn’t a realistic expectation of a 4 month old.

Sounds normal.

The one thing that jumps out is the boob refusal. How is his feeding otherwise? Tongue tie?

Sounds normal. I had to bounce my baby for the entirety of her naps until she reached 8 months and started going down for naps...and for night time, I had to bounce for at least 10 mins before putting down... Don't worry about bad habits. I did worry but in the end, it was far less stressful than just going with what she needed. She's 11 months and I'm no longer bouncing-wahey! You'll get there too. Xx