What can i do to help my 6 year old?

[cookielove]

My 6 year old son recently went to a birthday party, my husband went and he said it was awful. Our 6 year old was continuously ignored by his peers, he repeatedly asked them if he could play and he was either ignored or told to go away! It hurts my heart to hear this.

In the playground on pick up and drop offs he plays well with his peers, not seen any issues maybe a little ignoring but he kinda does it too.

He did have a close friend but they don't really play together anymore. Due to a new friend joining the friendship and the dynamic changing.

He is a such a sweet lovely boy, a typical 6 year old!

What can we do?

I’d get him socialising with children you know who will be kind to build confidence. Also go to the park and try and objectively observe how he plays with unfamiliar children. Once back at school ask for their honest opinions about him and friendships.

Build his confidence. And tell him not to ask to play. Just join in. If he doesn't know how to blend in, you can teach this. I love your picture, model, hair etc. You could do this or have you tried doing that.

If anybody asks to play, it's an invitation to say no. Lots will take up that feeling of power to say no. Also, it's easier if you know someone there. You can't really judge how he functions in a group of strangers. Most of us would struggle to blend in with no close friends there.

Martial arts are really good to build confidence at this age. It transformed my shy introvert into a confident teen.

But he sounds fine in all honesty. The quieter ones are a bit ignored at primary. They come into their own later on.

Is your DH maybe just a bit sensitive?

Has DS ever expressed any upset/problems with his friends? Have school ever commented on it?

@1AngelicFruitCake thank you, that's a really good idea!

Funnily he has just started swimming lessons and there is a kid around his age in the class too. He seems to chat to him and play with him no issues (well maybe they should focus on the teacher more 😉) and the other day playing in the river he played with some stranger kids. He doesn't seem to alienate others then.

I definitely think we need to build his confidence. Just not sure how!

@NuffSaidSam no DH isn't sensitive but he is hurt for him.

Ds has mentioned a few times his friends won't play with him or they won't let him be in charge with the boss game they play. I definitely think the dynamics in his closest friendship group have changed and he is struggling to find his place now.

Dh said at the party there was pool table and he was sharing the cues, but the kids wouldn't share back. We have taught him to share and be kind. I feel this has bitten him in the arse.

@Mum6457 love that advice about not asking just joining. Will definitely start encouraging that!! Thanks

I'm having a similar issue with my daughter who's 5.5 she seems to think everyone is her best friend and then can't understand why no one wants to play with her.

He sounds lovely! Keep encouraging him playing with others but instill in him that he’s great as he is, if they don’t want to play that’s their problem!

I agree with not asking to play- just joining in. Im sure he'll work things out for himself. Try not to make an issue of "having friends " to him. I know my mum always asked me about my friendships and it became a source of anxiety to me as I thought I "needed" to make friends rather than it happening organically. People then sense this neediness from you and it puts them off. Im not saying this will happen to your son but I'd just be low key about things. This was only one party where he felt left out- it doesnt mean hes always left out. Also with ds1 he used to come home saying no one would play with me- we actually found out what was happening was that no one was playing the game HE wanted to play and it was more that he wasnt "in charge " than people werent playing with him!

I agree with PP with finding a few friends he can socialise regularly with. It doesnt matter if they are school friends/outside of school- it'll build his confidence and social skills which he can transfer wherever he goes. Good luck and remember not to stress as he'll pick up on it.

Hi OP, this is an old post but I wondered how your DS is doing now, nearly a year later?

Sorry, just seen your message @springhassprung22

Well tbh not much changed at school. In other social situations such as parks, swimming and soft play he interacted well always found someone to play with. The problems at school persisted however he did find a new friend and was happy to play with others in his class.

In the end though we decided to move him and us, we moved out of the area (because we couldn't afford a house in the area we were living in) and he started a new school a month or so ago. And it has been a dream. Its a much smaller school and he has settled amazingly. He tells me everyone is lovely and the teachers all say he is doing great. I was super worried about the move but he took it in his stride and has been totally awesome 👌 😍