Visitors having shouting match whilst holding newborn

[PurpleCurtain]

Baby is 3 weeks old and aunt and uncle came to visit yesterday. They offered to look after baby for 30 mins whilst myself and DH went for a quick walk.

We came back 20 mins later to find them arguing - both really shouting - whilst holding our baby.

We are both really upset about this but were too timid to bring it up at the time (they stopped before they knew we were home).

We're torn about whether we should have a conversation with them about it - not sure how much of this is us being overprotective and how much it's possible that incidents like this could cause hearing damage or e.g. emotional damage in a baby this young? We certainly won't be letting them look after DS when we aren't around again.

It wont have any effect on your DS. Please dont worry.Don't say anything about it, you will come across as very overprotective

Was the baby showing any signs of upset?

I doubt very much any harm was caused but I think you're right to not leave baby with aunt and uncle again for a while, just so you aren't worrying about it.

I'd personally read them the riot act for having a screaming match in my home , never mind while holding my new born. How rude of them.

Would a one off incident do any lasting damage? Probably not. But babies body probably would have been flooded with the stress hormone cortisol and they would have been frightened. What kind of arseholes have a row when holding a tiny newborn?! I'd have bollocked them personally (outside away from baby).

We are both really upset about this but were too timid to bring it up at the time (they stopped before they knew we were home).
Stop being so polite! They lost control of their tempers whilst holding your newborn? This is dangerous and irresponsible of them, it can be difficult as we are conditioned to respect older relatives, but you need stop being timid and learn to stand up for yourselves.

I wouldn't like this OP. Baby will be fine as a one off though.
I often wonder why parents allow their babies to be used in soaps where actors are shouting and screaming.

I would be really upset about this but hate shouting snd think it’s really damaging ( for everyone involved).

I'd personally read them the riot act for having a screaming match in my home , never mind while holding my new born. How rude of them.

Yes, totally our of order. I can't stand people who scream and shout like that. It's so uncivilised.

Won't hurt your baby but incredibly rude of them

I think you're overreacting, parents argue all the time. Especially with the stress of a newborn. Your guests won't have done damage.

I'm sure your baby will be fine, but I'd be furious that grown adults couldn't hold their temper until they'd either put the baby into a different room or you'd returned.

Baby will be fine as a one off but I would still be cross. This is your beautiful perfect little newborn. IMO you should be calm around babies.

I think you're overreacting, parents argue all the time

People who can't argue without screaming and shouting need behavioural therapy.

@gogohm

Won't hurt your baby but incredibly rude of them

This.

I’m sure this one occasion won’t have any lasting effects on your baby, but he would have been scared. They don’t ever get left with your child again. Think you need to find your anger on this one - it won’t be the last time people behave badly around your child and you need to be able to tell them so.

It's not ok for them to have got themselves that worked up in 20 minutes whilst caring for your lovely tiny baby. It will have been frightening for your baby, but won't cause any permanent damage. I wouldn't be leaving either of them with your baby in the future though.

You both need to not be timid, ffs. You’ll need to advocate for your child and will have many instances where you’ll have to say ‘no.’ ‘You will not be doing that.’ type of thing to people pushing you or your child’s boundaries. Never leave your child with these people again, and tell them why, with confidence and authority.

Thanks everyone. I spoke to them this morning and they apologised - and explained the initial cause of the argument (it had migrated to general bickering by the time we heard), which was my uncle deciding that he was going to be 'helpful' by spraying wood polish on the coffee table right next to baby's head!!! I now feel even worse about this and wish I hadn't asked as I'm minded to think I'd also have flipped at him if I'd seen this, I really really don't like the idea of using harsh chemicals in my house at all let alone a spray product so close to him. Feeling mad at myself for still owning the wood polish so that he could actually find it

OP you really need to get less timid if you’re going to be a parent! You need to be able to be assertive enough to prevent or stop behaviour you aren’t happy with around your child.

@MotionActivatedDog

OP you really need to get less timid if you’re going to be a parent! You need to be able to be assertive enough to prevent or stop behaviour you aren’t happy with around your child.

Well it looks like I just need to never accept help from anyone Not sure how I could predict that anyone would be so stupid as to use wood polish right next to his face

OP this is not your fault for owning wood polish fgs! (not having a go, I'm very like you myself so I understand!)

Think about it. Imagine it was a friend of yours in this exact situation and they said to you 'I'm Feeling mad at myself for still owning the wood polish so that he could actually find it'

What would you say to them? You'd tell them it's not their fault, that you couldn't forsee someone being so bloody stupid, or that any normal visitor would go rooting through cupboards when left alone for 20mins. (20mins! That's barely time to have a cup of tea, never mind deciding to fuck about cleaning things that probably didn't need cleaning!?)

You'd also tell them that baby is fine. It was one event in an entire lifetime. Your aunt and uncle know you're unhappy, well done, that was brave to stand up to someone you've probably deferred to your whole life! That's being a mum, and you're doing it and doing it well

Time to move forward now, but you can move forward knowing you've stood up and put your child first, and you'll do it again if you need to.

You've got this!

I wouldn't be inviting those too back for a long time. Who the fuck has a row around someone else's newborn, and not in their own home, and what kind of weirdo gets it in their head to polish a table in someone's home without permission? FGS.

@NowEvenBetter

You both need to not be timid, ffs. You’ll need to advocate for your child and will have many instances where you’ll have to say ‘no.’ ‘You will not be doing that.’ type of thing to people pushing you or your child’s boundaries. Never leave your child with these people again, and tell them why, with confidence and authority.

This. You need to find your backbone for your child’s sake.

Well it looks like I just need to never accept help from anyone sad Not sure how I could predict that anyone would be so stupid as to use wood polish right next to his face sad

Eh?? Who said you should have predicted it?

I think you need to chill out a bit op. Your baby is absolutely fine.
Now you know not to leave the baby with them again.