5 months PP, no sex drive.

[Kiyentai]

Hey all,

So I am currently 5 months PP. My husband and I have always had a good intimate relationship and we have been together for 6 years. Since having my son in February my sex drive is gone.. we've maybe had sex 10 times in the last 5 months. I personally feel like my priorities have shifted and all of my time and effort go to our baby as I am a stay at home mom while my husband goes to work. Then when he comes home, I cook dinner, we eat and I bounce out to go work my horse for a couple hours.. come home, and take the baby again until he is ready to go to bed. Then we have a deal where If our son wakes up before 2 am, I take him and if he wakes up 2 am or after, my husband takes him.

Well my son is currently working on rolling and he has been waking up at night to eat and also to practice this skill. Starting today I will be giving him more time to practice during the day as multiple books I have read say this.. we have been through this one before when he was learning a new skill. So remind to last night.. our son was not sleeping well. I laid him down in his crib he went to sleep, but other the next 30 or so minutes he woke up 2x's and then soothed himself back to sleep, and I was laying in bed and my husband wanted to have sex. I kept telling him I don't want to wake the baby, he isn't sleeping well, he keeps waking up, and it seemed to fall on deaf ears because he wasn't listening to me. So what happens? The baby wakes up and I had to take him out of the room. I was pretty irritated at this time.

So fast forward to this morning, my husband thinks our son is going through his "4 month sleep regression" which he isn't, we went through that about a month and a half ago. And I told him, you weren't listening to me and you woke up the baby. Maybe I was still a bit upset but he got mad because he thought it was now his fault and he left for work. I am still a bit upset about it because my priority right now is SLEEP. I know my husband is sleep deprived..and I don't like missing out on sleep when I can get it.

I also am feeling a bit self conscious about well.. me. My body is different and my 6 pack abs that I have had since I was 13..(I'm 36) is GONE. I am working on losing the baby weight but it is a slow process and he doesn't seem to understand that I am not feeling like me right now. He just tells me "I'll get it back" and that is it. I give all my time and effort to our son. And being a mental health therapist myself, I have thought about getting a couples counselor for us to work through this but multiple counselors I have reached out to are booked out by a few months due to the demands of COVID.

So my question is.. is the no sex drive normal? Is me wanting to choose sleep over sex normal? Is me being self conscious normal? I do tell my husband these things.. and he doesn't seem to get it.

I think 10 times at 5 months pp is actually quite good... But to answer your question yes completely normal!! I find at about 2 years pp I'm fully back to normal with it

Are you breastfeeding? That knocked mine right on the head. It's even worse if your DH is a boob man so you have baby on boobs all day and then DH thinks it's 'sexy' to go near them too and all you can think is 'back the fuck off, this is gross'.

Spidergran, no I'm not but omg I do feel like that sometimes! lol I don't quite understand why I think its gross but I do. I spend most of the day in my PJ's and I do not feel sexy at all. I still wear my maternity leggings because of my little pooch belly I got going on. we are going to a wedding next month and it took me 4 hours to find a dress because I didn't like the way they looked on me. He just doesn't get it!

Of course all of this is normal! My dd is 11 months and I still have a very diminished sex drive. I think 10 times in 5 months is really good actually. You're absolutely right to prioritise sleep right now. Try and talk honestly to your husband about how you're feeling, including your current self esteem about your body. And think of ways you can be close with your parter that don't involve sex.

I'm 8 months PP and this is me too. I prioritise sleep first! I love my DH but currently my DS is going through some awful sleep regression and I don't have the head space for it all! It also doesn't feel the same for me anymore so not sure if that is part of it too. I'm glad you wrote this post OP because I thought I should be back to normal by now. We tried for a baby for 3 years so we are used to having lots of sex each month (had to have fertility treatment in the end) but since my DS was born it is low down on my list of priorities. I'd rather read a book.

Thank you ladies!! At least I am not alone!! I did sit my husband down and talk to him, and he felt really bad and said he will wait until I'm ready. :)