Feeling really down

[ohsotiredzzz]

The last couple of days I’m feeling really down. My baby will not sleep unless held and he’s now six months, and I’m talking he needs to be held when sleeping day and night. He wakes and screams within 5 minutes of being put down. I have tried since birth to get him to sleep in his cot which is next to my bed and he just cries. I can’t let him cry it out so I pick him up. And he stops straight away. Six months in and I’m exhausted, sleep deprivation has hit hard this week as I can’t cosleep easily as it’s not something I’m comfortable doing and it's harder now he's bigger. Plus he still needs to be held, he won’t even sleep next to me. We have a routine for bedtime and I’ve tried all the ways people have suggested to get him to sleep not being held but nothing has worked. I don’t know how much longer I can carry on like this. I feel so upset and unwell now due to lack of sleep. I feel he’s missing out as I do play with him during the daytime but I’m just so tired so not as much as I would like to. I don’t have anyone who can help and my husband works so says he can’t help during the night. As many times as I've said to him I'm struggling. Even gentler sleep training doesn't seem to work as he just doesn't stop crying and gets into a right state, you can't calm him by talking , rubbing, patting etc. Has anyone else been through this or got any advice?

Your husband absolutely has to step up. It doesn’t matter that he’s working. That excuse only flies if you have the opportunity to sleep during the day, and you don’t.

He has to splitting the night with you. You go to bed at, say, 8 and has the baby til midnight. Then you take over til 6. He then takes over again until 8 (or whenever he has to leave for work).

In the long term, keep working towards sleeping without being held. There are techniques to help with settling a sleeping baby in the cot without waking them - search YouTube for videos. You could also reconsider co-sleeping. There are ways to do it safely (search the lullaby trust). I know you said it doesn’t work anyway, but it might be a good intermediary phase if you could get your baby to sleep in your arms and then lie down still holding him and gradually settle him beside you.

In terms of sleep training, I found Lucy Wolfe’s book really helpful. My son used to have to be fed to sleep and would often wake when transferred into the cot, but he now falls asleep in the cot on his own after about a month. It doesn’t involve any leaving them to cry, it’s really gentle and I found it effective.

I really hope things improve for you soon - sleep deprivation is so awful

The above advise sounds really useful. I have nothing to add but just wanted to let you know that this was me until my baby hit 8 months. I thought I'd never be out of the depths of constant walking to get dd to nap or contact naps. I had absolutely no free time... Now she's 11 months and sleeps really well in her cot. You will get there, even if it seems impossible xx