Two under two tips

[painauchocanot]

I've got a 22 month old and a 4 month old and I feel like I'm drowning. We can't afford childcare for the older at all so I have them all day every day. Toddler is a demon and throws things and hits her little brother all day, baby won't sleep in a safe place like a travel cot so is in a swing or bouncer which are easily accessible to the toddler. I'm so tired by the evenings that we're eating crap and I have no energy to do any housework. Just feel so done, please tell me how to survive!

(And DH already does a lot and works long hours with his job so is just as overworked as me!)

I have a 6 week old and 19 month old. I'm lucky that the oldest still naps at lunch, but if he gives it up anytime soon I will baby gate his bedroom and just let him have some quiet playtime in there for 90 mins at lunchtime to give everyone a breather.

He watches far too much telly but when I have them both myself I have an activity planned for the morning and then the afternoon at home. Morning is a group for toddler normally or going to see family etc. I've learnt very quickly not to get ideas in my head about the morning activity. For example, went to a lovely play cafe last week and in my head it was a brilliant idea. In reality, toddler had meltdown for over an hour while there and I felt like a failure as I'd built it up in my head. Next time, I'll just go to the park or a walk where we can count cars.

At the moment everything feels difficult yet every day is a tiny bit easier so I have hope that one day the decision to have two close together pays off.

Oh and afternoons at home - toy rotation! Switch the toys around, hide some etc. Feels more exciting to bring out a toy they haven't seen in a while.

I have a 9 month old and 25 month old so I feel your pain. My toddler is also a whirlwind and not particularly great with the baby. You've had some good advice, so I'll just add a couple of things. I know you said you can't afford childcare for your eldest, but could you afford a cleaner for a couple of hours a week? That has really helped me. When my youngest got to about 4/5 months things got easier as they had the same afternoon/bedtime routine. Can you get a stairgate or close the door with a monitor when little one naps? Also, my eldest won't watch TV but if she did I'd definitely use that for half hour a day if they'd dropped their nap so they and you have some chilled time.

It does get easier I promise, hang in there xx

These are great tips.

Mine are now 15 and 14, before school age it was hell. I coped by taking them out everyday, rain or shine. Paper plates and sleep training. I'm glad I had them close together in lots of ways and the benefits have really paid off through primary and secondary age.

I had 2 under 2 and you've reminded me how it was! Oh its awful you are right the mess is everywhere! Mine are now 6 and 7 and best of friends so its worth it in the end and you forget all the awfulness and the mess of that age.
Defo to -
have a routine and stick to it generally (dont hit the panic button at the last minute nappy change or the days you just cant find everything you needs etc)
include in routine a morning trip, park is ideal where you can burn off their energy.
After bed time before you collapse pack the bag for the next day with all you will need.
Always have full changes of clothes in the bag,
And lots of snacks. And wetwipes.
Enjoy and embrace cebebbies, its all such good educational stuff.
Add the night garden to your bedtime routine as it gives you a chance for a mini break when you are at your most tired.
Get a mini trampoline if you can, anything to burn off toddler energy.
Read a lot of stories together snuggled up on the sofa.
Get sticker books for the toddler to do with them while sitting on the sofa.
Put in musical bumps as part of your daily routine. This is great for ultimate toddler fun and maximum rest for you. Also music is uplifting.
Defo have a sling if you dont have one so you can use your arms while still holding the baby.
Rotate your toys and every day put out a different type, say the bricks, the cars, or whatever you have.
Get chalks and embrace outdoor art if you have any patio type space at all.
While its sunny let them do water play as much as you can, even just a tiny bit with a paintbrush so they can 'paint' the wall is great entertainment.
Get waterproof trousers if you can (mountain warehouse etc) as well as a coat so you dont stay in when it rains.
Lower your expectations completely and dont feel guilty about it.
Take photos as youl forget all this!
Remember to enjoy the bedtime cuddles as they dont last forever.
I think thats all.

Thanks all, nice to see comments from people who have come out the other side! On the good days it's amazing and I adore watching them together. On the bad days I just want to run away!