4 year old potty training

[Kaye03]

My daughter will be 4yrs old next month. She can use the toilet, but the issue we are having is that she doesn't tell us that she needs to go. She will only go if we take her. We keep asking her if she needs to go, she just keep on saying no. If we don't take her, she has an accident, it doesn't seem to bother her. Any advice on what I can do. We keep getting her to watch potty videos & read books to her about it aswell. Worried as she will go to reception in sep.

Is there a reason why you are doing it so late? If yes, it may impact on the advice people give. Does she know that she can just take herself? Can she manage to get on the toilet by herself and manage her clothes by herself? How long have you been potty/toilet training for?

If there are no other issues she should be old enough to bargain with/encourage. I toilet trained my son when he had just turned 3 and told him I would get him cool Spider-Man underwear if he used the potty himself for a while.

Perhaps over the summer holidays for a week or so take it a step back by wearing a long t-shirt no undies at home so she is more aware of the sensation and can actually see the ‘accidents’

I've been trying since shes 2yrs old

Consistently trying since 2, as in no nappies or pull ups and allowing her time in the house naked? Is she able to manage her own clothes? Does she get herself dressed normally in the mornings?

Does she know she needs to go?

Yes she can put clothes on herself now. Yes she does know she can take herself, but won't go

Uve tried no undies, when she see wee on the floor, she goes wee on floor. But doesn't seem bothered by it

Have you tried a rewards system, such as every time she does a wee on the potty/toilet by taking herself she gets a chocolate button?

We had this, DD would wriggle and squiggle and get angry if we asked if she needed the loo. She's just about grown out of it now at 4.5.

I would stop asking her, it's clearly not working. If she wets herself, be calm about it and get her to help clearing it up (using mop/toilet roll etc) so an accident is boring rather than dramatic.

Then I'd have an incentive for going on the loo - something interesting to look at that lives in the bathroom, a reward chart, lots of attention. I tell DD stories on the loo, she loves it.

Has she been in a childcare setting before now and how does she handle it there? Annoyingly, DD would happily take herself off to the loo at nursery while still resisting at home. You might be surprised! If you can, try getting a family member or friend to care for her and see if she behaves differently with them.

I would speak to the doctor so you can rule out any physical issues but aside from that I would go in heavy on the bribery personally. It needs to be pretty instantaneous bribery at that age, I used those egg things you get from machines because we had a fairly cheap one by us.

I agree with checking with the doctor and then talk about all the other children at school using the toilet.

We've tried rewards chart, but she gets angry when we tell her she needs to go. Will try the choc buttons idea.
She knows that she needs to go. She would put her hands around her area, like she's trying to hold it in. She's the same at nursery.

Bribery and loads and loads of praise when she does go!

Don't tell her she needs to go, even if it drives you nuts. Tell her you won't ask or tell any more, you're leaving it to her, she gets x reward when she does go. Then leave it to her. She needs to learn to take charge of it for herself. She might wet herself a few times along the way but nagging her about it isn't working so I'd try a different tack!

Try a toilet training watch. My 3 year old niece refuses, gets angry and cries if anyone tells her to go but if I set an alarm on my phone, or her toilet training watch beeps, she'll go quite happily 🤔
I think it is just an external all-knowing force telling her to go vs. a person she knows