10 week old now won't go to or settle on anyone but me

[KateColx]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone has had any similar experiences at all.

My little girl is just 10 weeks old, and for the past couple of weeks she cries whenever anyone but me holds her, including my husband.

It is just me and her w a lot of the time, my husband works long days and my family aren't close by so she isn't used to seeing other people regularly, so I understand why she's attached to me.

I guess my question / worry is whether it's just something that will pass or if it's something we need to work on? Should we keep trying to get her to settle with my husband or just wait a while.

If anyone has any similar experiences or tips that would be great x

I would keep trying to settle with husband.
Or put in baby bouncer and leave for abit to cry it honestly wont di any harm and you are making a rod for your own back .
I always left mine to cry a bit it doesnt do any damage they need to be put down sometimes

Ahhh I loved those days. Cherish it as it goes quick and before you know it they're moody teenagers. I know it seems relentless but at 10 weeks I wouldn't be too concerned x x

I think your DH should keep trying… you don’t want to be in a situation where it always has to be you settling her. Hope it improves, I’m sure it will, babies change so quickly at this age.

My answer is a bit different to the others...your baby is still in the 4th trimester so I personally wouldn't worry about her being more attached to you. It's very baby led at this stage. My baby was the same but now at 11 months she's fine with her dad. If she's more attached to you now it doesn't mean she won't have a relationship with others. Obviously you'll need to leave her with your husband when you need a break or want a shower etc and that's fine.

Babies naturally have a prime attachment and this allows them to make further attachments. I think this stage is just about responding to baby and following their lead. It sounds like you've done a good job and it's normal for your baby to want closeness to you. Xx

Keep trying her with DH at least. You need someone else to be able to co parent!!

And you can never 'make a rod for your own back'... Sorry but this is very old fashioned advice. You can never love or hold your baby too much. This doesn't mean you have to martyr yourself but please don't feel guilty for responding to your baby. Xx

I don’t think anyone is trying to make the poster feel guilty. She’s asked for advice as she’s unhappy with the situation. Sometimes you just need a break, whether it’s letting them cry a bit (much better than getting frustrated with them), or having someone else hold them. Please don’t feel guilty for doing either of those. My husband has really put in the hours and we are equally bonded with our child and it’s such a lovely feeling knowing our child is happy with both of us. Not to mention easing the pressure, meaning we have more patience and are more relaxed - a much happier family unit!

I also wouldn't worry too much about it just now.

I didn't really know about the fourth trimester until my last child however I do tend to think that is why my baby sounds the same as your little one. I was one of those who used to think automatically noo definitely no such thing but I've really changed thoughts on that subject.

I'm sure she will eventually settle down with her father. Mine was the same and he also worked incredibly long hours so it's completely natural for her to view you as Her Person. You're the one who meets all her needs and she recognises you etc so you're the familiar caregiver by voice etc.

I know that it can feel very hard for the dad when this happens but they do come round. I wouldn't try to force anything as it just causes a lot of upset and then baby will be even more attached to you. It will definitely happen in own time.

I didn't think mine would ever be okay and/or settle with her dad but she does at times now that she's that bit older. She even goes to sleep on him which is a massive thing for her.

She will settle for her Dad but you probably rescue her after hearing her cry for a bit. Maybe leave the house when you hand her over then you are physically not even in the house to hear it. I am saying this for a couple of reasons, one, no one rescued you, you had to hold her whilst she cried when your Dh was at work and two, to help build a bond with her Dad he needs to learn to settle her. Otherwise it could be that you can never leave her with anyone.

All this don't feel bad for responding etc is true, but it doesn't have to be you. Her Dad can learn too. I am saying this as a mother who had a year maternity leave with Ds1 and then I became a SAHM when Ds1 was not quite 2 years old.

Because Dh sat there in the dark with a crying baby and learned to settle him and built on that parenting he has an amazing relationship with his sons who are now 18 and 15.

Also there are other threads with parents who have to hold their child's hand to sleep or lie down with them, these children are 2 or 5 years old now. I also don't believe in the rod for your own back bit, but, you have to have a will of iron to break some habits that are set up. Right now you are teaching her how to settle, that is a job for both parents. I am sure you would find it hard and maybe a bit sad if only your Dh could settle her.

Ds2 was severely ill and slept on me during the day for over a year. However, I have a will of iron and so could break that habit later on when he was well enough to sleep alone, I didn't work so wasn't over tired and I had an amazing, supportive husband who could be there for Ds1 whilst I did it.

You're not doing anything that you should be feeling guilty about, though I know hearing that doesn't make it all any less stressful on a daily basis 😂

I had the same worry when my first DD was the same age, and now she's an absolute daddy's girl! DS is still in the fourth trimester and we've had to persevere to get him to settle with his dad (though we're both on leave so we've had time). Do whatever you need to do to get through the day, basically.