Doesn’t want to go on holiday with Dad

[maximus2018]

My 13 year old has just gone off on holiday for a week with her dad today but she really didn’t want to go to. She has anxiety problems and doesn’t like to be away from familiar things (like home), eating out etc. After many tears she has gone but I feel horrible that I’ve made her go when she didn’t want to. I know she’ll be physically ok but breaks my heart and wonder if i should have said she’s not going to her Dad. I left him so I always feel guilty about “taking her away” but I think this sometimes stops me doing what’s best for her instead of him? Anyone else going through the same guilt?

I can see my future in your post. Our 10 year old has anxiety and panic attacks. Doesn't like going new places and really isn't comfortable spending time alone with her Dad. We're currently living together, but we don't have a relationship any more. I can see her crying at every handover, and feeling guilty both ways, that I'm pushing her to see him and that he no longer gets to be around his DC everyday. Even though it's his actions that destroyed our relationship I feel guilty that I'm planning to break our family apart, that he won't get to see DC everyday, that they'll have to cope without me for part of every week, that they'll have to move out of the house they love. So yeah, lots of the same guilt just at the thought of doing it.

It is tough but the reasons I left are some of the reasons that she doesn’t want to spend lots of time with him or go away. He doesn’t understand her anxieties and expects her to just push through get on with it which, anyone who has anxiety knows, is not that simple. He has been and continues to be selfish and doesn’t like his time with her to be dictated by some of her routines, worries etc. If I didn’t have the guilt of him not having her in his life on a daily basis, I think I would be stronger to tell him exactly that! 😏

He sounds a lot like H, doesn't get anxiety, doesn't want to accept or accommodate it. Some of the reasons our marriage is over, are the same reasons she struggles to be around him without me, let alone being alone with him. She's 10, has 2 younger brothers, but even with them there she doesn't like doing much with him. Youngest is happy to go with their Dad, middle DS is mostly happy too go now. H can be really snappy, gets angry easily, triggers DDs anxiety. Does she see him much on a regular basis? Id be okish if DH would do EOW, but I can't see him settling for anything less than 2-3 nights every week.

She sees him twice every week, in the week for dinner and all day and one night every weekend. In the last year she has been more and more reluctant to stay over, she doesn’t sleep well which doesn’t help. I have encouraged her to stay over knowing that she had to go away for a week but it has been a battle. She’s old enough now really to decide what she wants to do and decided I’m not going to force it anymore. I wish you luck, whatever direction you choose x

Thanks maximus2018, sorry for the hijack. I hope someone can help you with your question. It has to be leave. Can't go on like this long term.