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Original poster

Child terrified of autistic family member

9 replies

Shulipuli · 27/07/2021 03:16

3 year ago of girl will scream at the sight of her autistic cousin (7 years old).
When in the same house; she will not move (out of fear), scream and cry.
She screams and runs away at the sight of her autistic cousins mum. And won't go near their house.
This is a real problem, it's distressing to her cousin, and family and to her self.
In two weeks we are going on a family trip. How can I help the 3 year old from having a melt down!
I've tried researching this and can't find anything. Please give me your advice.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2021 03:23

Clearly, the family trip is a very bad idea at this point in time.

Lifeispassingby · 27/07/2021 03:32

Fear is something that needs to be tackled sensitively and with gradual exposure to the source of the fear. A holiday where the child is forced to spend time with their cousin who they are terrified of is going to be challenging to say the least. There needs to be calm and positivity and reassurance.

Megasausagehead · 27/07/2021 03:36

Is there any way to keep them apart as much as possible?

What may seem irrational to you, is very real to her. Is the mum shouting? Or are they loud? Something is freaking her out and I wouldn't be keen to force it.

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3 year olds Families General parenting
IHateCoronavirus · 27/07/2021 04:38

We have this issue at school frequently enough, often with the same age group. Sensitive nursery age child, becoming terrified of autistic reception child (share the same lunch/toilet/outdoor facilities.

I think the fear is to do with a mix of the child’s development at this stage (they become aware of boundaries and expectations), the unpredictability of the child with AS, and the size difference. At three the older child seems huge and powerful.

If three year old is very verbal a social story might help. Talk to them about their cousin, how they are different/similar, what they like, how they cope/stim etc.

Gentle exposure with calm support on both sides usually does the trick over time. Once the younger child knows they are safe and spends enough time near the other child to begin to predict their behaviour they generally calm down.

Original poster
Shulipuli · 28/07/2021 22:20

@Aquamarine1029

Clearly, the family trip is a very bad idea at this point in time.
Yes, we've cancelled the trip.
OP posts:
Original poster
Shulipuli · 28/07/2021 22:21

@Lifeispassingby

Fear is something that needs to be tackled sensitively and with gradual exposure to the source of the fear. A holiday where the child is forced to spend time with their cousin who they are terrified of is going to be challenging to say the least. There needs to be calm and positivity and reassurance.
We've cancelled the trip, our 3 year old has agreed to try and make friends with him. We're taking it slow thank you
OP posts:
Original poster
Shulipuli · 28/07/2021 22:22

@Megasausagehead

Is there any way to keep them apart as much as possible?

What may seem irrational to you, is very real to her. Is the mum shouting? Or are they loud? Something is freaking her out and I wouldn't be keen to force it.

We've cancelled the trip. Her cousin is also partially deaf and there fore can't talk clearly. After speaking to our 3 year old she made it clear she is scared of his voice. We're are working it through. Thank you
OP posts:
Original poster
Shulipuli · 28/07/2021 22:25

@IHateCoronavirus

We have this issue at school frequently enough, often with the same age group. Sensitive nursery age child, becoming terrified of autistic reception child (share the same lunch/toilet/outdoor facilities.

I think the fear is to do with a mix of the child’s development at this stage (they become aware of boundaries and expectations), the unpredictability of the child with AS, and the size difference. At three the older child seems huge and powerful.

If three year old is very verbal a social story might help. Talk to them about their cousin, how they are different/similar, what they like, how they cope/stim etc.

Gentle exposure with calm support on both sides usually does the trick over time. Once the younger child knows they are safe and spends enough time near the other child to begin to predict their behaviour they generally calm down.

This is extremely helpful. Thank you! We've cancelled the trip and are taking it slow. Her cousin is extremely tall for his age, has unpredictable behaviour and can't speak. These are a few things we've worked out what our 3 year old is afraid of.
OP posts:
HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 28/07/2021 22:28

What is it that she's scared of? Is her cousin loud, or does he make sudden movements, are there specific behaviours that she doesn't like?

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