Overwhelmed by my life

[Overwhelmedmum21]

Hi, I'm hoping for some kind of support i guess as i have no real support network that I can be honest with.

I have an almost 4 year old and a 14 month old. I'm a stay at home mum with 2 businesses that I want to grow and need the income from. But I can't cope with it all. these are all by my choosing but the last year has changed me. I am struggling with my very firey 1 year old. It's like there's no time or opportunity to bond with her. Both children want more than i want to give anymore and they fight most of the time. I am depressed. I know I've created this mess. My only option i think is to get a job, give up on my dreams and have both girls in childcare. But i just have nothing in me to get through an interview and am scared that even if I give all of this up and take a job that I'll still be depressed and won't be able to cope.

I have no time for myself and every day feels like a battle. I just need things to get easier

Oh OP that sounds so hard and relentless.

Is there no way you could have them in childcare while you work on your businesses?

You absolutely won’t be able to run a business without childcare. Is the oldest starting school in sept? That might help but you’ll still need care for the youngest!

Can’t you put them in childcare now?

Thank you so much for responding! I can't afford childcare yet. My eldest will be at school in sept yes but my income still isn't reliable enough to pay for the youngest. I've just completely lost the love for parenting and am struggling to give them a happy home, i never knew how hard it was going to be. I feel awful for just wanting my work

Have you checked to see if you are entitled to any help with childcare costs from universal credit at all?

Do you have a partner?

What about nursery 2 days a week for the 1 year old, the 4 y/o will be starting school soon surely.

I feel your pain, I'm wfh at the moment with a 1 year old and it's a nightmare!

Yes op, I get totally what you mean. I am probably older than you and I have had my children later and spread out so it feels like I've gone back and forth between parenting little ones (eldest is now a teen). I also have no family support.

I love my dc and I am grateful to have them but throw in the peri-menopause and I feel overwhelmed by it all especially when my peers have older children and are claiming a bit more life back.

I am working on a small business idea plus hobbies that I have finally discovered and I feel guilty because all I want to do is spend time on my own (probably not helped by the peri-menopause) indulging in my interests (after previously doing very little outside of the home since dc) and getting a bit of mental stimulation. My small business idea has been put on the back burner though there is much I can do to work toward it and so this is what I am currently tinkering with to keep my brain active until my youngest starts school because this is realistically (without those sorts of hours in childcare) what needs to happen for me not to become stressed with juggling work commitments with childcare (I am prone to suffering stress).

Do you need the income? Can you put things on hold for a year - at least then your eldest will have started school and childcare for your youngest might be more doable? I understand your frustration I really do but it will change given a bit more time - it is so hard having pre-school aged children but it usually gets easier (cold comfort I know for right now).

Is Thierry dad around?

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Something that could be cheaper than childcare would be to employ a local teenager to visit 2 or 3 hours a day a few times a week and you either focus on your business or have a nap or do something for yourself. Since they don't have full responsibility (as you're in the house) you can get away with paying them less / use someone with little to no experience babysitting but who loves playing with little kids. Could be an after-school job for the teenager or you just do it in school holidays.

Thank you so much for the support 💛 I do have my husband who is home evenings and weekends but we do need the income. I am making a small income but it's a struggle with the lack of time and getting to a place where I can afford childcare. I feel like an idiot really for perusing these businesses but I am so nearly there and just need some help and to somehow find some time for myself.

I hadn't realised that universal credit could be an option to help with childcare but I looked briefly and it actually could potentially cover 3 days a week!! This would make such a huge difference so I have everything crossed!! Xxx

That’s brilliant OP! Great news

Hi I'm back I'm afraid. Just desperately looking for anonymous support.

I feel like i can't cope with my children. My 4 year old is rude and screams and laughs when i tell her off and my 1 year old fights me every time i need to get her in the car or into the house and climbs everything potentially dangerous, is everywhere and causing havoc. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted at least once a week feeling very sick, headaches and dizzy. I just don't have the passion to offer my second daughter the 'at home pre school' activities that i did for my first. I feel like the daily battles are too much and my mental health is struggling, i don't want to face anyone or anything. I am trying to get help with childcare so that I can grow my business and work more but nothing yet.

I spoke to my family in tears and felt ashamed of myself. They have never wanted the commitment of helping. I just feel at a complete loss and am anxious about having to do another day of this

Hi OP, I have just come across your thread and wanted too see how you are getting on?

I know it’s been a while since you posted this… xx

I know this is an old thread but two things jump out for me that might help, 1. Get your iron levels checked! I was very down, irritable and exhausted when I was anaemic.

1. Maybe try anti depressants? I know things are overwhelming but it might help.

Its a hard stage op, it will get better.