Never a good time?

[Nina887]

I'm hoping to be able to discuss my concerns on this forum without any judgement, and I don't have many people around me to talk to about my concerns.

I'm turning 34 this September and have a history of medical problems in relation to pregnancy. I have mild endometriosis but had an ovary removed back in 2014 due to an endometriotic cyst. I had a miscarriage in 2016 (early miscarriage at a few weeks), and then I had an ectopic pregnancy in 2019. This was treated with methotrexate. I don't really suffer too much with my endometriosis, but I do get ovulation pain mid cycle.

My husband really wants a child and I know deep down I must want one as I would be really upset if I missed my opportunity. The problem is, life always seems to get in the way and I worry about my age. We started our own business last year which is doing really well and is chaotic. Plus I have a full time job alongside. But I also compete and I'm actually doing really well at the moment. I'm a show jumper and feel that I'm not in a position to give up my sport just yet with how well things are going. But I'm concerned that if I don't try for another baby soon, that my age is going to be a problem. I know people say there is never a good time, but I am very worried. I don't want to sound selfish, but I have my sport, my horses, the business and my job and I just feel now isn't the right time - but I'm also running out of time. That damn biological clock! I do wish I was still in my early twenties and time wasn't as much of an issue, but that's life!

I hope I wont be judged as being selfish for putting my sport and my job first, but at the same time I don't want to have missed out on the opportunity to have a child and regret it. I'm so torn up over this. Such an impossible decision.

Thank you for any advice, very much appreciated.

Nothing in your post suggests that you want to have a baby/child. Having a baby is life changing unless your happy to and either have a lot of money to pay for support or a huge amount of family support. I think you need to have a think about if you want children. It’s fine either way but your post to me sounds like you don’t want a baby.

It's one of those things that only you can decide. As the other poster mentioned, you mostly seem like you're feeling the pressure of the biological clock ticking, rather than wanting a child. Even if you're desperate for a baby, you cannot be prepared for the shock of how life altering it is. I'd be concerned that you'd resent becoming a mother and the loss of freedom, and possibly resenting your partner for having more freedom (not always the case these days but usually is, especially if breastfeeding). On the other hand, I appreciate that the biological clock if very loud and very real...

Thank you both, I appreciate you taking time to reply.

I think you are right, it is the pressure of the biological clock. I do want a family, just not yet. But I feel pressured into not having the choice because of my age :(

And I fully appreciate that the horses and competitive side of things would have to take a back seat if a baby did come along.