Toddler and newborn!!

[LLLTB]

Hi 🙋‍♀️ just in need of some reassurance as I'm struggling on my own. My dd1 is 2.9 years and can be a handful and I welcomed my 2nd daughter 5 weeks ago.
Last time was pretty traumatic bringing my dd1 home so I knew what to do different this time. My husband sorted out a month off work so we got into a perfect routine and be were all very happy. My husband went back to work a week ago and I'm really really struggling with being on my own and the loneliness of it. I spend the day crying and feeling rubbish. Don't have much other support either. Just so lonely and overwhelmed that I've got to do all the baby stage again after I've just got through it!!

Ah bless you, it is so challenging & so so hard...
There is 23 months difference between my 2, my baby has just turned 4 months & the last few weeks, things have suddenly felt a bit “easier”.
Just hang in there - people will tell you it will get easier & up until a few weeks ago I couldn’t see it, but it does :-)

Solidarity. DS is 2.5 and DD 8m. Going from 1-2 has been harder than I ever imagined and I didn’t have high hopes. I really have been struggling with the exhaustion and have been feeling ground down by the relentlessness of it all. I was reluctant but have started CBT as was feeling anxious and down. However, in the last month DD has started crawling, sleep has got better (by no means perfect but not waking every hour) and naps are much more consistent and I think I might be finding things slightly easier. I am looking forward to going back to work soon for a break! I’ve been feeling resentful of DH getting to leave the grinding monotony of it all.
Don’t get me wrong, I love them both with my heart and soul but Jesus Christ it’s exhausting. Hang in there. This too shall pass. You are SO not alone.

Can you talk to your HV/GP? My HV offered me a ‘listening’ appointment once a week where I could just sit and unload how I was feeling. It might help just to talk it out?

I only have x1 DD so completely different ball game but my DH took a month off work to help after my c-section. It was such a lovely time and the day he went back to work I cried more than the baby! It's so hard when you are in a lovely little routine and a lovely little newborn bubble and when it ends it's a shock. Every day things got a tiny bit easier and we soon found our own little routine (me and the baby). What helped is I would give myself little goals each day like go for a walk. Meeting people also helped - do you have family/friends near by you could call on to help a little- could they come round and make you a cup of tea and distract your toddler for a little and give you some chat to take your mind away? If you feel absolutely rubbish talk to your HV. The most important thing is not to go through it alone and to be kind to yourself. It's a mammoth task and I'm sure you are doing an excellent job!

I'm sorry it's hard and lonely for you at the moment.

Mine are close in age, too. I've been hugely helped by knowing some other mums at the same stage.

During the height of the pandemic someone started a FB then WhatsApp group for lockdown babies in our town, and then more recently baby and toddler groups have restarted.

It's hard work getting out of the house with a toddler and a newborn, but maybe it would help your wellbeing, like it did mine.

I had a toddler and a newborn, and my DH went away for a week at a time at that point.
I found that I was better if I went out somewhere every day. A walk to the shop/library/park or out to the supermarket/town. You need to get out of the house every day.
Is the oldest in nursery or play school ?

I have spoke to my health visitor and he is going to come and see me every week and has referred me to a few different things as I'm also struggling with anxiety. But just with my health visitor coming I feel a tiny bit better.
I just get so overwhelmed with the same thing everyday. Getting out is hard because my daughter with have a tantrum and I'll end up feeling worse or having a panic attack. I will get there and it will get easier just keep telling myself.