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Original poster

Traumatic nursery hand overs

10 replies

Cait73 · 26/07/2021 08:41

I need help with nursery - 2.5 year old been doing 3 afternoons a week for almost a year but the last 3 months it's been deeply traumatic

Doesn't matter what I do he cries inconsolably I've nearly taken him home several times it's breaking my heart

I always phone (or they phone me) and the second I'm out of sight he's fine but can I try anything to make the going in bit better for him?

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Floopyandtired · 26/07/2021 13:21

My DS1 used to be exactly like this. He had to attend nursery as I work but drop off was a nightmare. It’s probably not much comfort to you but nothing I did to try and help made a difference, he just grew out of it eventually. He’s 3.8 now and for the last 6 months or so he has bounded in without a second look at me. I’m not sure what changed but one day he hated it slightly less, the next day even less… etc. It does get easier but you have my full sympathy as it’s awful. Hang in there

Original poster

Cait73 · 26/07/2021 15:06

@Floopyandtired I'm glad it not just me, but sorry you had to go through it too - I'd feel worse if he actually hated nursery but he has a lovely time by all accounts it's literally just the handover

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blahblahblah321 · 26/07/2021 15:09

Ah a lot of children find handover upsetting, has he got a favourite member of staff? A teddy to take in?

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user1471523870 · 26/07/2021 15:30

I was hesitant to reply as mine (almost 3) has been going full time since he was very little, always very happily.
However, this I believe is also the reason why he walks in with a smile on. He doesn't know any different. He's clearly happy there, with the staff, the toys, his friends, the routine etc but that is his home from home, very familiar place that he finds secure and reliable.
Can you increase his days at the nursery perhaps?

Otherwise, other thing that come to my mind are:

can you try to take him there in the morning? Sometimes it's a little change that makes the difference. Perhaps he's already a bit tired and emotional in the afternoons?
have you tried having someone else taking him in? Maybe it's less traumatic for him to leave daddy/granny/friend than mummy?
does he have a key person or someone he's particularly attached to? Mine goes to a small setting and his key person has been knowing him almost all his life. When she's on holiday he's way less happy to walk in.

Good luck, I am sure it's just a phase, even if just so so hard :(.

YukoandHiro · 26/07/2021 15:32

As others have said, we found increasing hours (which we did due to new baby at home plus additional working hours) made a big difference. Easier to do once the 30 free hours kick in after 3, so maybe something to consider?

Original poster

Cait73 · 26/07/2021 15:56

I have increased hours AND switched to mornings (very slight improvement) I am Nanny he's lived with me 2 years, only other person who could take him is my Mum. We've tried this and his meltdown is on our doorstep not nursery's!!

I'm confident it's not separation anxiety we have a good bond, he doesn't have attachment issues and he'll happily leave me to go on a train or visit the park/shops with other family members

Could (just) be he's a sensitive little soul and for that split second doesn't want to leave me? He takes his security blanket and he knows I'm coming back

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bookgirl1982 · 26/07/2021 16:47

We had phases of this for a few years. It passed each time but feels awful I know. It was helped a little by developing a very quick handover routine with a couple of the nursery staff. Responding to the upset or playing for a bit made the separation worse. If the staff could distract long enough for me to get around the corner then it was better all round.

user16395699 · 26/07/2021 16:55

You know that he is always fine as soon as you leave, so when he cries you do a normal cheerful goodbye routine and leave surely? What is there for anybody to be traumatised about?

Or are you hanging around trying to pacify him for ages, talking about taking him home if he keeps crying and generally dragging it out and making it into a 'thing'? If he finds the moment of you leaving uncomfortable, the last thing he needs is for you to drag it out longer.

Because that is not helpful to anybody, and is pointless. It's not 'traumatic' for him to cry momentarily and then be absolutely fine afterwards. You might not like it, but he's not traumatised.

Blippibloppi · 26/07/2021 19:04

Ive got one like this. We try to keep drop off as quick as possible and someone from his room comes to get him. We talk really positively about nursery, his friends and his toys but drop offs vary between a bit of crying to full scale screaming. He's not very clingy at all usually. I can't tell you how many days I've walked round the corner and cried. I have no advice but wanted you to know you're not alone.

Amrythings · 27/07/2021 21:19

Do they have an alternative entrance at all? DS was having a phase of this over spring, and we discovered that leaving him in at the front door, rather than at his own room, transformed things from hysterics to "Bye!" and marching off under his own stream.

No idea why, but we're rolling with it. Keyworker suspects it's because the front door has
window into the kitchen and the cook is his favourite person on earth. Perfectly happy to come out their own door at pick up, weirdly.

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