Books to help me parent my toddler

[peaches35]

I found the baby stage easy in the sense that there wasn’t much parenting required - it was more just taking care of their needs, so naps, milk, cuddles, bathing.

Now DS is 15 months, has hit toddlerhood and is turning into a more complex, demanding person, I feel completely lost.

I don’t know how to bring him up to be a kind, confident boy, how or when to discipline him, how to deal with his tantrums in the most constructive way possible - anything!

Could anyone recommend a book or two that gives guidance and advice on how to raise a toddler successfully?

This is a series of books - the 1st is for younger children - I really recommend the teenage one but didn't hear of them until mine were older. They are all supposed to be brilliant.

Agree with how to talk so little kids will listen, is full of tips and ideas.
It doesn't sound like it, but if the behaviour is triggering you, "calm parents, happy kids" is a good one I'd recommend. Worth a read anyway if you have the time.
There's a Philippa Perry one i forget the name of that's good if you have some issues from your own childhood which you don't want to pass on inadvertently. But i did find it more like therapy rather than tips and tricks!

Thanks, will check those out!

Suddenly remembered the pp one is,"the book you wish your parents had read". Doesn't sound like it's for you, but for the right people it's excellent.

'The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read' isn't a parenting manual but it was honestly life changing for me. It's all about the parent/child relationship and the conditions for developing life-long good mental health in children. I keep coming back to it and it has really been influential on our approach to parenting.

Thanks @Ihaveoflate !

I can only tell you my experience. We have a lovely nearly 16 year old boy. We are gentle parents but no push overs by any means. Humour has been our best ally. Patience and lots of love and attention. Pick your battles. I always think does it matter? Is it important? We have spoiled him with attention and as time goes by he loves our company but he is very independent. We laugh a lot. So far has been great. We talk to him and he responds well to boundaries. He towers over us but he is a great kid.
So far he has never shouted at us. We've never had any cheek either.
Talking and love seems to be the key.
If he is doing something that we don't want him to do we redirect him. Always have.

Thanks @BlueJag, you sound like great parents!

My favourite book was Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen. It's about picking your battles and allowing toddlers choices that all work for you. It was like a magic wand in our house. I don't think either DC had a single tantrum after I'd read it, and they have been very calm teens too.

@BlueJag

I can only tell you my experience. We have a lovely nearly 16 year old boy. We are gentle parents but no push overs by any means. Humour has been our best ally. Patience and lots of love and attention. Pick your battles. I always think does it matter? Is it important? We have spoiled him with attention and as time goes by he loves our company but he is very independent. We laugh a lot. So far has been great. We talk to him and he responds well to boundaries. He towers over us but he is a great kid. So far he has never shouted at us. We've never had any cheek either. Talking and love seems to be the key. If he is doing something that we don't want him to do we redirect him. Always have.

That's pretty much what the book I just recommended suggests. I had to learn what @BlueJag did instinctively, and it definitely works.

Do you have Instagram? Biglittlefeelings and mrchazz are good accounts in communicating and understanding toddlers. I like the positive parenting approach :)

Janet Lansbury. Books if you prefer, but really great podcast for different toddler scenarios and useful Facebook page to follow

Second big little feelings. Their Instagram is full of tips. The course is really good but you get lots of the info via their insta.

I'm reading Hunt, Gather, Parent which I recommend you check out. It focuses on three cultures (Mayan, Inuit and Hadza) that instill particular attributes in their children and how they go about it.
Mayans raise very helpful children, Inuits raise emotionally intelligent children and Hadza raise confident children.

(Obviously the way I have described the above cultures contains all lot of generalisation for the benefit of brevity)

I second Janet Lansbury, I follow her on Instagram and just think what she says makes a lot of sense. I also follow ourmamavillage on Instagram and find her advice very helpful too. I appreciate these aren't book recommendations but hopefully still useful!

Oh yeah Janet Lansbury too!

There’s also Gentle Parenting and Gentle Discipline, which are a bit abbreviated but actually manage to convey a lot of info in v accessible format.

Another one that isn’t exactly about parenting style but I’ve found really useful in helping guide how to challenge my toddler is The Montessori Toddler, as it does go into some detail about development and is also big on encouraging age appropriate independence and positive reinforcement. We’ve found some bits have worked so well for our boy. Just don’t get too hung up on the perfect beautiful minimalist Montessori houses in the photos 😂

I follow OurMamaVillage on Instagram, she's wonderful. All about communication, respect, loving discipline (ie teaching/guiding rather than punishing) - it has really reframed the way I see and respond to my children's behaviour. All behaviour is communication.

@BeHereNowx32

Do you have Instagram? Biglittlefeelings and mrchazz are good accounts in communicating and understanding toddlers. I like the positive parenting approach :)

Second vote for biglittlefeelings.

Book wise I found The Emotional Life of the Toddler really helpful for actually understanding how their brains work and what’s going on in different situations. How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is also very good.

@louisvillelou I have been thinking about buying the Montessori Toddler book for ages. But worried it would make me put too much pressure on myself 🙈 might just get it

5 Minute Mum books

Some great resources here and replies!
I can second the Montessori toddler book, i bought it because i liked the design but actually the content is excellent and i felt like the book encourages me to work with my toddler for everyone's benefit rather than getting against each other.
I would say with the pressure thing @BeHereNowx32 the import thing to remember is you are a team working together and your needs are just as important as theirs, just your ability and expression are very different. Toddlers can really help you to see things in a new way if you pay attention, just as much as you can help them.
In terms of pressure though don't try to "do" too much, if you spend more time just"being" rather than doing, it can take the pressure off you a bit. Good luck!

@johnd2 that sounds really good. Thanks for that