My toddlers out of control day in day out

[MadeinSW3]

I have three toddlers who wind each other up all day long.

Everything is a screaming meltdown, no, running away, demanding this and that. “NOW” is the new thing.

The youngest copy the oldest. I’ve been harsh with them before but thinking about changing approach as it’s not working!!!
I can’t cope with the SCREAMING.

What works????

Also have started to demand certain foods like snack foods including ice lollies. Their dad gives in but I’ve put my foot down and reduced frequency because they just want to snack all day long on uhealthy things every hour and I’m against it.

3 toddlers sounds hard. How old are they?

What ages are they ? All under 4 I guess.

Triplets or all close together and different ages?

I have only 1 toddler and I'm finding it tough at times with just him! Offering a hand hold with 3 of of them!!
My little monster is 3.5yrs old and wanting to be very independent to the point of ocd/controlling behaviour, meltdowns and tantrums for not getting his own way, which has got worse since the birth of his baby brother 5weeks ago. My husband has a very different parenting technique to me, and I won't beat around the bush, but he panders to him....my toddler has him wrapped around his little finger. For instance, hubby will spend 1.5 - 2 hours a night getting him sorted for bed as he constantly allows the monster to get away with everything, allowing him to change is mind on everything and basically allowing the monster be in complete control (I refuse to do bedtime now as it causes unnecessary stress and I have better things to do with my precious evening!). We even have him sleeping in our bed again (when I sleep trained him to stay in is own bed) because hubby let him in 1 night (It only takes once!). So hubby is now having to retrain him as I've refused to do it again ~because it's his bloody fault~.
I have 2 older children (17 + 13) who I raised on my own and i didn't have these issues as I didn't let them get away with it from the get go.
Monster is also starting to play up at nursery, so we've all agreed on a simple plan...
2 choices, no negotiation, remove and walk away.
Basically he has 2 choices, whatever he choices is what he has (regardless of the meltdown because he's decided he actually wanted the other), there is no negotiation (that's what you've chosen, that's what you have) and if there's a tantrum, remove said choice and walk away, only returning once calm has resumed BUT still not changing choices or negotiating.
If you have to walk away several times, them that's what you do.
This weekend hubby has been at work....I have got the monster dressed, teeth brushed, toileted, fed, watered and visited family, all without turning into an octopus in the carseat or throwing food/drink across the floor because it's not in the cup/bowl he telepathically told me he wanted or that i flushed the toilet before he did or whatever 'stupid' obsession he has (I appreciate I feel they are stupid but acknowledge he doesn't and do not belittle how important these things are to him, just am not giving him the options to obsess over it or giving him that 'out of control' control).
Because that's what it is ultimately.... control. At this age they are finding their way, they have worked out how to get what they want (shout louder/tantrum/hit/glue themselves to the floor/turn into escape artists) because it worked once and then over and over again because we as parents want a quiet life and don't realise we at giving in (and toddlers are manipulative, conniving little whatsits!).
But as my hubby is finding out, give an inch and they take a mile, and if they can control one aspect, they'll control it all!!
Xx

Oldest is 4 so maybe not technically a toddler but not starting school yet. All different ages.

It’s been a bit better today staying at home and then park only so limited things to have a meltdown about however the oldest needs thing to do and others need to come along as I don’t have a nanny!

I have a 4 year old and 2 year old. I feel your pain on the screaming front. My 4 year old is actually worse. Today we had multiple screaming (blood curdling screams) for 45mins over every tiny thing that was unrelated to how it started. I tried to make her have 5mins chill out time to calm down, which resulted in more screaming. Which then made ds (2) start. I had to just walk in the other room for a breather. At which point everyone calmed down. It seems to be if shes not had much 1 on 1 attention it makes it worse. However that's not always possible when your trying to do house work, errands, and have another child. So I do understand how you must be feeling with 3!

I hope someone can offer advice as I'm interested to x

Separate them and find different activities for them where possible. Try to organise the day into set things eg morning walk and afternoon playground trip. Go outside no matter the weather and stay on top of snacks/meals and naps.

I have four years between my four and DC1 was the worst for winding up DC4 but the older two could often play quite nicely together for reasonable periods of time.

Yes they all wind each other up when mine scream they just take it in turns it drives me mad and NOTHING WORKS!