Bigger child snatching toy from my baby

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I took my little boy (aged 16 months) to a free playgroup session yesterday for kids aged 0-5. He was playing happily with a toy when an older toddler - probably aged about 3? - came over and snatched the toy from him. DS looked a bit shocked and then tried to grab it back, but obviously didn’t stand a chance against the bigger child. He then started to get a bit upset as he wanted the toy back.

I didn’t know what to do - should I have asked the toddler to give it back as DS was playing with it, or tried to distract DS with another toy? In the event I went for the latter, as I didn’t want to get in a confrontation and potentially upset someone else’s child. But at the same time I felt so bad that I’d let another child upset my boy. Obviously there was no serious harm done, but I just felt so clueless how to act!

What would you have done?

I’d have distracted DS with another toy and not given it a second thought.

This is how toddlers behave unfortunately. A vigilant parent will step in to remind their child not to snatch but if they are dealing with another child or have looked down to tie their shoelaces for example, they will have missed this one-second interaction.

Just distract and move on. Unless the snatching child is persistent, then you can politely ask their parent if they would mind keeping them away from your baby.

Whatever you do, remember that you will almost definitely be the parent of the snatching child one day!

That’s toddlers. Your child will do it in due course. Distraction is the way forward

Thanks everyone. Good to know!

Brace yourself - this is going to happen a lot. You will learn to calibrate your response, according to how upset your DC is, the age of the other child, the reasonableness of the other's child's parent etc etc.

You're absolutely not letting your DS down, though. If he had older siblings, this would likely be happening several times an hour, and they (mostly) get used to it. It's the law of the jungle in toddler-land 😉

Yeah this happened to us a lot when DD was small. I never made a big deal, just gave her something else to play with. Now she's a toddler and is the one who has to be supervised so she doesn't go snatch toys from other children Just part of the fun of playgroups.

Toddlers just don’t give a fuck, I would just distract my kid with another toy and not worry about it.

Haha! We haven’t been to many play sessions yet due to COVID, so this is all new territory!

God I hated these groups for that reason- other parents never tell off their darlings but then you realise your child is getting the shit end of the stick always.
First baby I would have distracted dc with another toy, now I’d probably say very loudly “can my LO have that back pls; they’re still playing with it”

If the other kid was 3 I would ask for it back and tell them not to snatch.

A NT 3 year old should know that’s wrong

Sometimes toddlers will get on a ride on toy or inside a Little Tikes car almost on top of another child. They just don't understand that they are doing it.

A NT 3 year old should know that’s wrong

It’s possible the other child was younger than 3, I wasn’t entirely sure.

If they were definitely 3 I'd just smile and say kindly to the child that snatching is not allowed. Pretty much very likely they will hand it back. They could be just a big 2 year old though!

This happens a lot between my DD (18months) and my Niece (4yo) - when DD was a baby I would distract her with another toy, but now she’s older I try to let DN know that DD was playing with that toy and suggest they share.. if she continues to snatch it’s usually a quick “no, give that back please and find another toy until she’s finished with it”

However, with a child that isn’t mine or a close relation I’m not sure I’d have the balls to do more than a “aww, do you think you can share? She’s a bit upset because she was playing with that” then move on to distracting her with something else if child didn’t listen.

It's always a bit startling when something new happens but it's valuable for your child to mix with other kids, even if it's not all sweetness and light.
In that situation if the kid had already gone off with the toy, I'd say 'oh dear, let's play with something else, he wanted a turn' if I was there when the kid tried to snatch I might say 'this is nice isn't it, would you like to see when we've finished' etc.
It's not the toddler being a shit, it takes time to learn about sharing and play groups hype them up a bit and make it even harder.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/how-toddlers-learn-to-shareukk_57b5fc53e4b042aee74aceba/

I normally say something like 'No thank you, we're still playing with that' with a big smile and take it back.

It depends on the child tbh. 99% of the time it's not malicious. And like everyone else says, it'll be your child snatching soon enough.

Just wait until you encounter the PARENTS who will snatch a toy off your baby to give to their precious darling 🙄

In situations if there is no intervention from another parent I will just talk to my own one about the situation. “Oh dear, did that older boy take the toy you were playing with? That’s not very kind is it. Let’s see if we can find you something else to play with.” It works half the time and the other child will apologise or give back the toy depending on the situation.

Ideally the parent would have intervened but perhaps they were distracted.
I have a two year old and spend most of my time during play dates/play groups mediating over stolen toys. DD is having a hard time learning to share, but then she hasn’t really had to during covid so I think it’s to be expected.
Don’t take what toddlers do to heart, they’re just big babies themselves really.

I would have gently disciplined the child and asked for the toy back. Why people allow children to get away with anti-social behaviour is beyond me. Children need correcting and you can do so kindly and with a smile on your face.

Fuck me, antisocial behaviour 😂

Toddlers are mostly dickheads, it’s just a fact. My almost 3 year old doesn’t have the impulse control of an adult. He shouldn’t be expected to. Thankfully his baby sister learned very quickly not to take any crap.

It doesn't get better, DM was looking after my DNs a little while ago and took them to the park the youngest is two and ran up to a group of ten/eleven year old girls waved and said hello, they started calling her a weirdo and a stalker. DM told them they were being mean to a two year old and needed to take a long hard look at themselves and grow up! I guess it takes a village....

I think the idea that all three year olds ought to be good at sharing is pretty unrealistic, especially right now. Maybe if they go to nursery or have siblings they’ll be getting there. But for an only-child 3 yr old whose life since 18 months has been a series of lockdowns of varying severity there haven’t really been a lot of opportunities to be well socialised. Most toddler groups where I live have been completely shut down since March last year, and the one baby/toddler class I knew of that kept going asked parents to bring their own toys and required that parents enforced social distancing. Not much opportunity to learn about sharing!

No help but does remind me of the time I took my two DS to a soft play. I was horrified to see DS2 18m dragging two 3yr olds, one in each hand, both howling, because they pushed DS1 3yr old brother off a slide! Tbf DD2 was walking at 9m so was quite steady on his feet and very loyal to his older brother and hated seeing him cry.