I feel like I'm losing the will

[Mumto1yearold]

I'm a first time mum to an amazing 1 year old. Hes so well behaved and a dream to care for. I'm still feeling so overwhelmed. My partner works and finishes at 2 every day. He does nothing round the house and I have to ask him to watch baby so I can cook ect. I wouldn't change my little one for anything but I'm miserable most days and constantly having a go at partner daily ( I must seem like the moodest person ever) I just see other mums doing it all and having a life where as all I do is look after my baby. And clean the house. I don't have friends with babys so no longer get invited anywhere. I don't know if I'm lonely and taking it out on partner but I feel incredibly guilty for feeling this down

Doesn’t sound like you’re happy with your current situation.

Why does he not do anything round the house . What does he do from 2pm onwards. Nope doesn’t sound fair at all . He will no doubt assume because he works you must do 100% parent and housewife role.. wrong! Parenting is a round the clock job day and night .. that share needs to be split and you must be more assertive to get this !!!

Join some local Facebook mum groups . Meet up to do literally anything . Walk in the park , coffee , tea in your garden .. literally anything to get meeting people and get out the house . The more you stay in the house the more there is to clean up!

I’d also suggest doing minimal cleaning throughout the day and then do a 40 min blitz when baby goes to bed. I hate doing the same thing over and over.

If you trust him with the baby , when he gets home at 2 pass him over and walk out the door and say you need an hour .... give him some responsibility to increase his confidence without you there as default parent.

Thank you. My partner really struggled when our little one was born. It was a shock to me as he really wanted him as much as I did. He just didn't instinctively click. That has got a lot better however I think from me doing everything from birth it's kind of the role that has stuck.

He does work really hard I do understand that he just doesn't understand I do too.

We go to family occasions he drinks and socialise I do everything for little one. So I have little time to relax.

I think if i had friends or knew other parents so got a life outside the house even with lo with me I wouldn't feel as trapped

Maybe he lacked confidence at the beginning and because you seemed so capable it’s been easier for him to step aside. Can you speak to him about it and say how you feel .

Honestly my advice having also a similar aged baby is ‘just do’ . So when you are at a bbq just tell him he is in charge of baby for the next hour whilst you speak to your friend and relax .

Everyone works hard. You don’t need to make excuses for him at all . Or say .. glad you’ve had a good day . Take an hour for yourself to relax then You need to watch baby whilst I get some me time I’ve also have a busy day . I’ll take him back at 6 for bedtime ....

OP, in the kindest of ways, where are all these mums ‘doing it all and having a life’? Social media? Myself and my NCT group have babies in the range of 12-14 months and all of us are just about getting back on our feet now. Just about juggling work and childcare and home life and the tinniest bit of socialising. My life is certainly not what I would have described as ‘having it all’ pre baby. I think you’d be surprised what average people consider to be normal with a one year old.

Having said that, your partner needs to buck up his ideas massively. When he’s not at work, childcare and household chores should be a 50:50 split. I’d be miserable if I didn’t even get a second to breathe whilst my DH had every day off from 2pm! What is his excuse? Have you spoken to him about this?

Agree with PP as well. I found getting out of the house as often as possible, preferably with one or two mum friends, absolutely vital to my mental well-being. Toddler groups, swimming, buggy fit…I’ve even started having a really good chat with a woman I see on my days off at the swings with her LO. Have you seen what is local to you?

Please let us know how you get on. All the best to you

My DH was very good with DS1 but I still did most things with him ... until I went back to work and DH went part-time. He says he found that period hard, being the main carer, but in some ways easier as he worked out his routines and way of doing things rather than needing to stick to mine. Being fully in charged helped him bond. DC now both at senior school and we are both still very actively parenting :)