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What do you do when your child's friends stop speaking to them?

13 replies

BorisTheBellendPM · 24/07/2021 13:12

We live in a large cul de sac where there's been a group of about 5 kids my daughters age (5-7 year olds) who all play together every day outside and sometimes in each others houses when the weather isn't great. Recently they've stopped calling for DD but she was happy enough to have a little break as they had been 'being mean' to her every time she went out, telling her to shut up/saying 'we don't care' when she said anything etc.

Yesterday she went to play with them as she could see them outside (3 of them) and as soon as she walked up to them they told her to go away that they weren't playing with her anymore. She's devastated, she's a very shy child who takes a while to make friends but as these kids were already in a group when we moved in (2 years ago) she was able to meet them all at the one time and made 5 new friends at the one time which made her so happy. Her confidence was through the roof after being out playing so much and having friends but now she's questioning what she has done to make them not want to play with her.

I don't think this is a one off and that they'll be fine in a few days, they've stopped calling for her but i see them every day together, they've frozen her out and I don't know how to help DD deal with this. There aren't any other kids here that she can play with, no relatives her age and she's too shy for clubs (I've tried, she cries when I even mention them). She has friends in school and she can't wait to go back but it's going to be a long summer here if she has nobody to play with.

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GiveMeStrength2day · 24/07/2021 14:36

I think in this instance, given their ages, I would be inclined to step in. I would diplomatically speak to the other kids' parents and ask them if they could find out what's going on

LivMumsnet · 24/07/2021 14:40

We now moved your thread to Parenting as requested, @BorisTheBellendPM Flowers

MeridasMum · 24/07/2021 14:40

Agree that you should speak to the parents, especially if there's a 'ringleader'. At that age, kids will follow the leader and either not think about how the excluded kids feels or they are just too worried it'll be them next.

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TheGallopingGourmet · 24/07/2021 14:42

It made me so sad to read this. I dont know what to suggest. Are there any libraries open during covid perhaps with a reading group?
What about pony riding lessons? Or anything similar juat to introduce her to a new group.
Your poor little girl. How can they be so cruel. I hope she makes some new litte friends soon

BorisTheBellendPM · 24/07/2021 19:49

I did want to msg one of the Mums last night but didn't want to be 'that parent' who moans about every fall out but I just thought it was so mean and she didn't deserve that. I know we can't force them to play with her but it's just so heartbreaking to see her sob because she now has no friends while she can see them from the window playing together.

I think I will msg the other Mum tomorrow and just explain what happened. Hopefully she can chat to her DD and explain why it's not nice to do what they did.

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MotherWol · 24/07/2021 19:51

That’s really tough, I’m sorry they’ve frozen her out. Can you arrange any play dates with classmates from school? If there’s a class WhatsApp group perhaps asking some of the more approachable parents if they’d like to meet up at the park might work?

Nohomemadecandles · 24/07/2021 19:53

At their little ages, I think I might speak to a parent too. See if they can get to the bottom of it. Like pp said, the ringleader effect might be in play.

Laaaaa · 24/07/2021 20:05

Ah I find this the hardest bit about parenting. I hate when they are left out! I'm a right softie!

Karwomannghia · 24/07/2021 20:08

Divide and conquer. Invite one round via message to her mum, set up some activities you can do with them so they have a nice time together.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 24/07/2021 20:12

They are very young to be doing this already...it needs nipping in the bud but l would word it in an unaccusatory manner rather than going in gung ho if that makes sense.

Donationwitheverypack · 24/07/2021 20:17

I honestly don't think anything you do will help. Keep DD busy for a while with other stuff. It will blow over. If you try to get involved, either DD will be seen to have got them into trouble, or the parents won't take kindly to their children being accused in being mean. Neither will help DD.

Donationwitheverypack · 24/07/2021 20:19

If you are going to do anything YOU MUST NOT DO IT VIA TEXT. No difficult situation has been resolved by text/message/email. Ever.

Whatflavourjellybabyisnice · 24/07/2021 20:47

I remember feeling like your DD as child and it's horrible. I hope she feels better soon. No advice, sorry x

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