Single mum worried about D.S.

[Emmiess]

Hi Mums!
I had my beautiful baby almost 18 months ago. It’s been a difficult time. I’ve done it all on my own with no support network and still going into work two days a week throughout lockdown. His father has flat out rejected him and my parents have shown no interest. In fact they really wanted me to have an abortion.
So here I find myself, with no money (my family are wealthy but refuse to help) in a very low social economic area where teenage crime is very high. The primary school is Notoriously bad with a reputation throughout the city for high levels of bullying, racism and vandalism. This will be my DS’ primary school.
My D.S is a boisterous lad already. He never stops. He’s happy and adventurous and loves nursery.

But I worry about the effects of having no father or family around us will have on him. My reading/research tells me to find him male role models he can trust. That just sounds ambiguous to me.

The few times I have been home my family talk about how he will play cricket and rugby and travel the world. They literally haven’t a clue. Meanwhile, all I’m thinking is that living off £16k (my income and the only one) a year, in this area, means he’ll being doing just fine if he doesn’t have a criminal record by age 16.

What I’m asking is do any of you have experience with boys and no dads/family. Have they turned out ok?

I love my son so much, but I feel so limited in how I can provide for him. And it keeps me up at night.

It's not so much having no Dad around but being in a low socio economic area and from a family with little extra cash.

I'm not being harsh...I grew up in those circumstances myself.

What you should concentrate on is getting yourself into a position where you're earning enough to get out of that area and provide the things which will help DS in life.

He's young still...very young. Even if it takes you till he's 7, you can work towards getting qualifications that will get you into a position to earn well.

What do you do currently?

Hi,
Thanks for your answer.
I have a degree from a Russell Group uni, but it’s only a 2.2. I’m thinking of doing a masters online. I’m a teaching assistant at the moment. The goal is to get into teaching. I had tried, applied and interviewed several times before D.S was born. I was unsuccessful each time. They told me to get a masters as my 2.2 was holding me back.
However, I’m unsure if I can handle the work load whilst he is this small. It’s hard enough as it is. All the cooking, cleaning, working and spending quality time with him. Add to that the immense pressure of masters level studying.

Unless teaching is a real passion, I wouldn't advise it as a career. Is there any other area you're interested in? What are your passions?

Yes, it is a passion. However, I’m not sure it’s possible with a wee one on my own.
Other than that my real passion would be museums, art and culture. But that’s more studying to get into and very unpredictable.

Honestly. I would look at moving.

I raised my ds alone since he was a baby has adhd but is a good kid. Knows right from wrong.

We live in a decent area. Where he was born wasn't..

I think the area makes more difference tgan a dad been around.

Poverty is the biggest detriment to children rather than being from a single parent home in itself.

I think you need to focus on moving to a better area, how have you ended up in the location you're in?

Same reason most people end up in lower socio economic areas. Because I can’t afford elsewhere.

Well done OP for what you've done so far. 👏

Regarding jobs, have you looked into teaching English through TEFL or similar or being a tutor as that will.give you extra income on top. I have a relative with a 2.2 degree doing this. All you have to do is sign up to tutoring websites e.g. Tutorfull and set your price and write your profile. After a bit of time, he's now making lucrative extra money on top of his day job.

Also look at www.prospects.ac.uk to give you ideas of careers similar to teaching.

Do you have any other male relatives who could be a role model for your son ?

You're right to be worried about the things you mention. Nothing will obviously replicate a loving dad who's a good role model, however the fact you've started thinking about it gives him a good headstart. In my experience, making sure he's well disciplined (you need to start from a young age otherwise they often become nightmares as teens as they're used to undermining your authority) and you make him achieving educationally a priority, these a key mitigating factors. Be REALLY careful who he hangs out with and don't just let him roam about neighbourhood when he's old enough. This is how boys in these circumstances mix with the wrong crowd and get up to no good when they're given too much freedom.

Is moving to another location in the near future that doesn't have/has less issues an option?

*are key mitigating factors.

I would also suggest him joining sports clubs e.g. football as these normally have male coaches and they can be a good male to have in his life. Also a great way for him to have a support network/ friends and is a good use of time instead of being idle on the streets which leads to all kinds of trouble.

Would you consider moving to a different area? Somewhere cheaper in another part of the country but nicer?

I can’t afford to move.

I just wanted to see how people in a similar position manage with their D.S.