I just really need to share how proud I am - sleep training.

[MyMabel]

DD slept through from weeks old, was in her own room at 3 months as we were disturbing her with creaky floorboards - roll on about 11 months old she became this complete nightmare, going through a really clingy phase. She got quite poorly and we decided to co-sleep for a few nights. My god it’s been never ending since.. she needs me to sit on her bed and give her a cuddle every 10 minutes to go to sleep. It’s been completely and utterly exhausting for months, we’ve not been eating until 9/10pm because she just won’t go to sleep.

Anyway, I found out I’m pregnant and knew that the routine we have right now will throw me into a probably post natal depression if it carried on until the new one arrived. I decided to get strict, do it properly, have consistency.

We’ve tried sleep training before but it would swap and change between me and dad putting her to bed, times would vary, she would watch telly up until it’s time to go up, lots of playing, chasing ect.

I didn’t realise just how big of an impact it has. She’s 18 months now and for the past 4 nights I’ve really cracked down on her and our leniency and heres how it went:

for context, she is out into bed with her milk, then it’s taken away once she finished, say goodnight and give her a kiss, I won’t allow her to leave her bed, her feet can’t touch the floor in my ‘rules’ then:

Night 1: Lots of sitting up, lots of me going in, lying her back down with no eye contact, no talking, straight back out. If she’s really upset I’ll rub her back until she’s calm, then leave. - lots of crying - 45 minutes from start to sleep.

Night 2: a few sit ups and walk ins to lie her back down as she scooted to the edge of the bed to get out - a fair bit of crying but less than the night before - 24 minutes from start to sleep.

Night 3: Two walks in to lie her back down, little crying - took 7 minutes from start to sleep.

Night four (tonight): she said ‘done’ when finished her milk, I went in and collected the cup, and left - she grizzled for a minute or two, then turned over and went to sleep - took 4 minutes from start to sleep.

I know it sounds a bit brag posty, but I’m so proud of her, and I’m so proud of me for being consistent as it break my heart to hear her calling ‘mummy’ while sad. But also because I just cannot believe it’s taken a grand total of 4 nights to go from sitting on her bed for hours waiting for her to sleep, to 4 minutes and me able to comfortably leave the room. It might be the hormones but I could honestly just sit and cry tonight. I feel so massively relieved.

Anyone with a toddler who is in a similar way; patience and stern; you’ll get there, faster thank you think.
I’m rooting for you parents! 💙

To mention - I stand on the landing out of sight and watch from the camera, if she sits U.K. and starts shuffling to the edge I go in and lie her down.

Well done.
Sleep training is very unpopular with some (including a lot of mumsnetters, I've noticed) but IMO it is an absolute game changer.
Sleep is so important for the whole family and if you decide you need to sleep train and can do it consistently, it's so worth it.

Yes sleep training is well worth it. I feel relieved my kids sleep through and I can confidently enjoy my evenings. When my baby was younger, the evening just gave me anxiety about how many times I’ll have to get up in the night

I did this with DS1 and it was a game changer. He was a champion sleeper from birth but got worse with teething from about 9-13 months.
Around a year I did controlled crying and it took 3 days from start to him lying down and going to sleep straight away.
It was a weight of anxiety that lifted on that 3rd day so I totally understand how you feel. That release when you know they’re not wailing or disturbed and can self-settle. I remember it well, so well done you!

Yes it is an amazing feeling isn’t it. Well done you

Similar experience here. I don’t know anyone where it’s taken more than a week.

@NameChange30

Well done. Sleep training is very unpopular with some (including a lot of mumsnetters, I've noticed) but IMO it is an absolute game changer. Sleep is so important for the whole family and if you decide you need to sleep train and can do it consistently, it's so worth it.

It's because people conflate sleep training with Cry It Out... which aren't the same thing at all!

If that makes you happy then great.
I’m perfectly happy as we are though thanks.

Well done OP. Sleep training is a contentious topic but the affect of continual sleep deprivation on mental health is detrimental.
On a total aside I hope she’s having her teeth brushed after her milk?

@Megan2018

If that makes you happy then great. I’m perfectly happy as we are though thanks.

Zero need for this kind of useless comment.

Well done OP. A child not going down to sleep on a evening can be so draining and stressful. Bet you feel life you’ve got your evenings back.
We’ve had the same with our 2 1/2 year old the last 2 weeks. He’s suddenly gone from an easy child to trying to settle him for 2 hours. We’ve not been able to spend time with our older child or sit down and eat together. He’s also been super cranky during the day as he’s not getting enough sleep.
We’ve ‘sleep trained’ this last week and tonight he’s gone to sleep without getting out of bed or even whinging. I feel like cracking open the champagne!
Hope it continues for you 😀

@Megan2018

If that makes you happy then great. I’m perfectly happy as we are though thanks.

I don't recall the OP offering you personally any advice?

It worked for her, she's not posted to say everyone should do it, has she?!

I remember doing this with DD. She didn't cry but just kept getting out of bed. Like you I had a plan and would just pick her up and put her back with no fuss or eye contact. I knew I had to count how many times it happened, so that I could see if there was any improvement.
1st night: 94 times
2nd night: 7 times
3rd night: 0 times

It feels great doesn't it - well done OP. 😊

Well done OP sounds like you and DS are much happier and well rested now! I was really pleased with myself as well when I went through sleep training with my DS. It took a grand total of one day, I couldn’t believe it!

Well done and contain your pregnancy

Any tips for night wakings? We find bedtime fine, I have to stay until he's asleep but I don't mind that. Bit he wakes at 11 and if I try to get him to stay in his own bed then he'll wake every 20 mins until I give up and haul him into ours in a bleary state, where he then sleeps soundly. I don't mind co sleeping, anything to sleep, but my back aches and he grabs at me in the night.

@Megan2018

that’s the sort of comment I’d make when I was tired too. But I’m perfectly happy now thanks.

Thank you everyone for the nicer comments! I’m not suggesting everyone, or anyone needs to take this approach. I just needed somewhere to put my excitement at how it’s worked for us.

Not many tips on night waking @Dollpiglet unfortunately. DD will wake and come into our bed around 2-4am about 60% of the time. I have since sleep training started to walk her back to bed though, trying to minimise contact so that sleepy/clingy feeling doesn’t set her off. She’s quite good at toddling back and jumping into bed. - I usually let her into our bed but with the weather as it has been I just can’t sleep with her up against me, I’ll be peeling her off in the morning!

You have given me hope 😬

Brilliant isn’t it.

The combined amount of crying is significantly less than letting your child wake up every hour for the first few years of their life.

And yes, I’ve tried cosleeping and yes, it was hideous for all involved. Unless you think that sleeping with a wriggly baby walrus is relaxing.

Ah Megan, I remember you from the thread where you’d never been so exhausted that you would leave your DC to cry, ever. I would urge you to write a book on how you do that.

@MyMabel congratulations on the new pregnancy and well done, I think there is definitely a ‘right time’ to do that type of this and you’ve found it. Our DC used to get so incredibly worked up each time we tried (not every night but once or twice every few weeks) and then one night we tried again and he cried for a few minutes and then just slept… no fussing, it was like witchcraft 😂. He’s 13m now and thank god he can sleep alone because I’m due in 7 weeks

@WildBluebell poor baby how?

Because before this, I would sit in her bed; and she would be so paranoid that I would leave that if I so much as breathed towards the door she would be in hysterics screaming and crying.
We’ve tried ‘crying it out’ which ended up with a hyperventilating toddler who could then sleep because she was hyperventilating and paranoid I would leave again.
She would try desperately to keep herself awake to make sure I didn’t leave, making her overtired and grumpy, taking hours to go to sleep, needing to be woken up for nursery exhausted with maybe 6 hours sleep at 12ish months old. It was incredibly unhealthy for us and her.

Now, yes, she grizzled and cried a little bit.. but there way no red face sweating buckets screaming, no hyperventilating, no paranoid behaviour of me leaving. Yes a few times she would sit up in bed and try to get out - what toddler wouldn’t in that situation? But because I was right outside of the door before she could get out- she learnt that even though she cannot see me.. I am close by and I am there.

She’s not a ‘poor baby’ at all.

@WildBluebell 🙈 I am so embarrassed for you making a comment like that.

So pleased for you @MyMabel, you now have a calm, happy, rested baby (nothing better).

Apparently we missed the parenting class where hyperventilating, crying and screaming were the preferred methods of sleep 🤔🙄

@MyMabel no need to explain yourself to anyone, you’ve done the right thing if you and DD are happy :)