Leaving toddler with grandparents 2.5 hours away?

[WhatsTheTimeMrCat]

Namechanged for this as I don’t want it linked to other posts.

We have a childcare gap over the summer and my DGPs have offered to help out with childcare. They live about 2.5 hours away. The original plan was that they would stay local to us and come round each day to look after the kids for three days while we work.

In view of rising Covid rates and DGPs being vulnerable, although fully vaccinated, I’m a bit concerned about this. I will be commuting into central London and am worried about their level of exposure through me in particular.

DGPs have suggested that I bring the DCs to them instead and they care for them at their house. I’m unexpectedly twitchy about this but not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

DC1 is 6 and had a very close relationship with DGPs pre-Covid and has stayed without me before, but Covid has had a huge impact and she is adamant she isn’t staying there without me, even with DC2. DC2 is 1.5, getting to know them well, but has never spent a night away from me and has only had a few visits to the DGPs before. So he knows them but not well.

I have no concerns about DGPs’ ability to care for them. It’s more about how both DCs will be at such a distance and if there is a problem. My DM is adamant that they will bring them back straight away/the next morning if they are upset and won’t settle - but it feels like a bit too far for me.

I need to woman up on this as DC2 is going to be left with the DGPs for a couple of nights in the autumn for a planned break - but it feels different leaving him at home in familiar surroundings, and by which time he’ll know them much better, when we’re not so far away, to leaving him at their house 2.5 hours away.

Am I having a knee jerk reaction here? Would you leave a 1.5 year old for the first time under these circumstances? I left DC1 for the first time around this age for two nights but she knew her DGPs much better and was also cared for at home.

TL:DR: would you leave your 1.5 year old with DGPs who live at a distance from you for 3 nights?

No I wouldn’t. I don’t think it’s really fair on the GP either as it sounds like it could be really hard work & quite a long way to bring them back.

I wouldn’t. The little one is too young to understand what’s going on.

No. I wouldn’t (emergency aside), it feels like too much upheaval and could damage the relationship building.

So they’re your grandparents? Ie, the children’s great grandparents?

No, I wouldn’t, because having no concerns about them looking after them coming to your house and having tiny children 24/7 for 3 days are 2 very different things and great grandparents are just too old for that schizzle.

Could they stay at your house and you stop over in a local hotel? Then your not too far from them if they are distressed?

I would book a day's leave and stay with them the first night, day and possibly night, getting up pre dawn if necessary to go into work on day 2.

I did. I had to go away for a work trip for a week when DC was 18 months at the same time that my DH had an important work deadline and was working all hours. My parents had DC for 3 nights at their house and my in-laws stayed in our house for 3 nights to care for him.

Sorry, just seen grandparents. No, I wouldn't. My DM is late 50s and she was exhausted after caring for one child for 3 days.

Thank you - an interesting mix of responses. I’m glad some people share my reservations as I was starting to think I was being overly anxious. It is my DM who suggested this.

To clarify, they’re my DPs but the children’s DGPs (not great grandparents). They have offered, willingly and enthusiastically, to help us with the childcare gap and see it as a chance to build a relationship with DC2 and rebuild the relationship with DC1.

I quite agree 24/7 care for three days would be a lot and I am concerned about my DM’s ability to manage this. She was younger when she used to do this with DD. This time there’ll be two of them and my dad, to be honest, will do little beyond alerting my mum if DC2 tries to climb something he shouldn’t.

I think I’m going to insist we stick with the original plan, not least because now I’ve thought about it, they will barely see me as I won’t be home until after the DCs are in bed two out of the three days.

No, not in that scenario. Dc2 may get distressed and doesn't know your DPs well enough (nor they him). He'll feel abandoned and they'll feel exhausted.

You're being over cautious. Stick with the original arrangement where they come to your house instead.

Also, if they’re at our house, DH will be around to help with bedtime, etc, which will also make things easier.

Thank you @campion - that’s my concern exactly. I would hesitate if it was just DD as she’s been so adamant about not going alone and I want to build her confidence back up but I feel DS is just too young and doesn’t know them well enough.

No I wouldn’t.