Travel for work after birth

[Bambinoway]

Hi all

I am expecting my first baby in early 2022. My job usually involves quite a lot of overseas travel (when not in a pandemic!), and I'm wondering if anyone can advise me on when it might be reasonable to expect I'll feel comfortable to leave the baby at home with their dad (my partner) for a few nights? I realise that everyone is different but it would be interesting to know what experiences you have had.

Thanks so much!

I didnt return to work until DS was very nearly a year old. But did do week long trips from that point. He'd probably not been away from me for more than a couple of hours at a time before I went back to work.

Other people leave baby with a grandparent from a few months old to either have a date night, or allow grandparents to spend time with baby.

There is no hard and fast rule.

Obviously every baby and situation is different. Do you plan to breastfeed? If so, I would say it would be difficult to go for more than a couple days and still continue bf before 1. Even then, you would need to express while you are away, if you weren't stopping bf. If you are ff, it's very personal about what you are comfortable with and also the kind of baby you get (and how confident and involved your partner is).

My first was ff, and I went away for 2 nights at 9 months (UK) and then 2 weeks (Australia) at 17 months. My 2nd was bf and I didn't leave him overnight until around 14 months, and not for a trip abroad until about 15 months. I decided to wean him from bf a couple weeks before this.

It's impossible to predict how you'll feel and what kind of baby you'll have. I wouldn't plan on anything until the baby arrives.

My husband spent a week away when our daughter was 13 weeks old. I had a weekend away not long after with no issues, but she was formula fed and was only waking up once in the night at that stage.

I had absolutely no problem leaving her largely because I found baby-care utterly relentless and dull. I was happy for any break I could get. Other people don't want to be parted from their baby, which is also completely legitimate.

This is a proper “how long is a piece of string” question.

The honest answer is that it depends, and there’s no way of knowing until your baby is born.
Some people will have gone when they’re a few weeks old.
Some people will happily leave their children for a week + at a time.
Mine are 8,6 and 4 and I’ve never left them for longer than 3 days (which was when my dad died) and I’m quite happy with that.

Lots of variables OP like who will be looking after baby when you're gone and how long are you planning on taking for Mat Leave?

DS2 is nearly 3 and I feel anxious about going into hospital to have DC3 in case I need to stay overnight!

I think DS1 was about 2 when I first left him overnight.

So hard to say. Mine's 3 years and I haven't!! But I would say you need to think about feeding, will dad be competent lookign after them or will it be grandparents?

So many variables

I only took 26 weeks mat leave... Couldn't have retained same job if longer... Baby was late so even with holidays only 6 months old on return... First week back I was in US for 4 days and then every week away 2--5 days nearly every week...

After the first week which was horrible I enjoyed decent nights sleep, adult company, eating undisturbed etc. However Jet lag with a baby was terrible. Them getting ill while I was away and unable to get back was horrible. At 2 1/2 he refused to talk to me while I was away on a trip as mummy not here not speak to mummy... Terrible when trying to concieve 2nd child as well so emotional...

The shine of travel and love of my job had diminished... It got worse as moved from baby to more interesting toddler that I desperately wanted to be around.

I had my second child (pregnancy stopped most travel), took a years maternity and handed my notice in taking a huge step back job wise so that even though full time I could tuck my children in each night.

I used to read to eldest every night... I learnt his favourite books and would read over phone. We did lots of video calls. I took over at weekends. We had a cleaner and food delivered... I did as much as could while away to support house. My DH went out every Friday night and most Saturdays to give him time off.

My parents looked after baby 2 days on trot each week... If I was away 3 nights they kept overnight between the 2 days.

I bought lots of holiday and made sure I took them and extra days off I accrued due to Sunday travel

@BunnyRuddington

Lots of variables OP like who will be looking after baby when you're gone and how long are you planning on taking for Mat Leave?

The baby will be with my partner when I'm away. I'll take the first six months as maternity, and then may start travelling with work again after that. It won't be a frequent thing but maybe go away for a week or so three or four times a year...

@happytoday73

I only took 26 weeks mat leave... Couldn't have retained same job if longer... Baby was late so even with holidays only 6 months old on return... First week back I was in US for 4 days and then every week away 2--5 days nearly every week...

After the first week which was horrible I enjoyed decent nights sleep, adult company, eating undisturbed etc. However Jet lag with a baby was terrible. Them getting ill while I was away and unable to get back was horrible. At 2 1/2 he refused to talk to me while I was away on a trip as mummy not here not speak to mummy... Terrible when trying to concieve 2nd child as well so emotional...

The shine of travel and love of my job had diminished... It got worse as moved from baby to more interesting toddler that I desperately wanted to be around.

I had my second child (pregnancy stopped most travel), took a years maternity and handed my notice in taking a huge step back job wise so that even though full time I could tuck my children in each night.

I used to read to eldest every night... I learnt his favourite books and would read over phone. We did lots of video calls. I took over at weekends. We had a cleaner and food delivered... I did as much as could while away to support house. My DH went out every Friday night and most Saturdays to give him time off.

My parents looked after baby 2 days on trot each week... If I was away 3 nights they kept overnight between the 2 days.

I bought lots of holiday and made sure I took them and extra days off I accrued due to Sunday travel

This sounds incredibly tough. Luckily as I'm senior at my company I'll be able to send someone else if I don't feel able to travel, but I'd like to be able to do it if possible... I guess I'll just have to see how things feel...

Thanks so much for all your insights, really appreciated!

I still don't like leaving them. The thing I didn't understand before having them is that I like being with them.

With DC1, I stopped breastfeeding at 9 months and started doing short 2-4 day trips quite frequently thereafter. The very first trip was extremely hard on me but totally fine for her! Subsequent trips I noticed if I was gone for 3 days she took it 100% in stride, but if I went for 4 she’d be a bit more moody and clingy when I got back. So I now really try hard to keep trips to three days or under (also for my DH’s sanity!). That said, I did 5 days once. I hated it but everyone was fine.

With DC2, I did my first trip at 6 months. I breastfed him until 20 months, and occasionally pumped while travelling but past the 8 month mark I found I didn’t really need to on 3-day trips.