How long does it take to feed your baby to sleep?

[miltonj]

My baby is 10 months old and has two breastfeeds a day, when she wakes up in the morning, and then I feed to sleep every night. The rest of her milk intake during the day is formula. She sleeps quite well really but it takes an hour and a half to breast feed her to sleep, sometimes longer. I was aware this was quite long, but just been away with some friends, and she had her babies fed and sleeping within about 20 mins!
She will be put to bed by my mum, with a bottle, so I know she doesn't need that much breastfeeding. But when she's with my, it seems the only way!!

How long does it take you guys? And anyone got any advice?

If she's used to bottle feeding, is she struggling to get enough out while BF? Have you tried a bottle at bedtime instead yourself to see if it speeds things up?

My DC had reflux so I had to keep them upright for a feed for about an hour to stop them being sick.

Is she on the boob and drinking that whole time? Or is she fussing and needing calming?

All babies are different but mine has a bottle, then gets put down with a dummy and his stuffed bunny. It takes maybe 20-30mins usually. We also only go back into him if hes upset. If hes chatting to himself happily, or moving around his cot we leave him to it.

I think it’s just a comfort/enjoyment thing. It was taking me an hour plus for my DD to fall asleep when I was feeding to sleep. Now I’ve sleep trained she is done in 20-30 mins. I am EBF. That and also is it possible that for some of the 1.5hrs your baby is already asleep? They can suck whilst sleeping so can you try and detach earlier?

@Evianlife I don't think she's struggling to get milk tbh. We only introduced formula at around 7 months. I also have a big milk supply. ( have had problems with this)
I will try giving her the bottle tomorrow and see if it works... I think she might kick off, as associates bedtime with breast feed though.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene it's a bit of both! She fusses, kicks her legs, unlatches, blows raspberries at my nipples etc and eventually settles, but even after she's settled she's still feeding for ages.

I might try her with a comfort item. She uses a dummy. Maybe I just need to stop feeding to sleep. But that sounds tricky!! I don't feed to sleep for naps, but they're a whole different kettle of fish.

The comforter is key for us, there is no way on this earth he'd go to sleep without his bunny. He likes to waft the ears around his face.

@whateverintheworld
It might be time to sleep train! Although she's sleeping through 9/10 nights so it's just actually getting her there which is the challenge.

Oh yes she's definitely sleeping on the boob for a long time, but if I try detaching and putting her in her cot, she wakes up. I have to wait until she finishes off her own accord, and that's even if I detach her and skip the dummy in.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

The comforter is key for us, there is no way on this earth he'd go to sleep without his bunny. He likes to waft the ears around his face.

How did you introduce the bunny? If I put something in her crib, she'd just mess about with it

Tbh hes had it since he was maybe 4 months old. I just put it in the cot and it stayed there. It was always there when he went to bed.

Mine used to take anything from 5 to 20 minutes. Then it stopped working - he would feed but not sleep. So we stopped feeding to sleep about a month ago.

90 minutes is a long time - if you’re sick of losing that much of your evening it might be time to break the feed to sleep association (as long as you’re happy to do so).

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Tbh hes had it since he was maybe 4 months old. I just put it in the cot and it stayed there. It was always there when he went to bed.

Maybe I've missed the boat then! But will give it a try.

Mine varies a lot, depending on how tired (or over tired) she is. She gets a bottle before the boob so its definitely nothing to do with hunger in her case.

Have you tried putting her to bed later. So if you usually try for 7 but she falls asleep at 8.30 just try for 8.30 instead? Might not work but worth a shot I reckon.

@Cloudninenine

Mine used to take anything from 5 to 20 minutes. Then it stopped working - he would feed but not sleep. So we stopped feeding to sleep about a month ago.

90 minutes is a long time - if you’re sick of losing that much of your evening it might be time to break the feed to sleep association (as long as you’re happy to do so).

I start at 6... so she's usually down by out half 7. While that's really quite annoying, I've still got all evening with my husband. But I think I might try putting her in her cot before she's asleep and shushing, patting etc, we do that for naps (In the pram) and it usually works after about 20 mins. She'll do anything to stay awake though tbh, including pulling her hair and punching herself in the face.

@Pigeonorcoot

Mine varies a lot, depending on how tired (or over tired) she is. She gets a bottle before the boob so its definitely nothing to do with hunger in her case.

Have you tried putting her to bed later. So if you usually try for 7 but she falls asleep at 8.30 just try for 8.30 instead? Might not work but worth a shot I reckon.

Yeah, it takes the same time! It's deffo not because she's not tired enough.... I know the is because she'll often have been awake for 6 plus hours before bedtime because she most days she absolutely refuses a second nap. Apparently I was exactly the same, so perhaps it genetic!

I fed both DS1 and DS2 to sleep until they were about 2/3 years old. It really varied... it went through stages with both of them. Sometimes they would be ready to feed straight away and then asleep in minutes. Sometimes they would need some time to chill out/mess around/play/read stories before feeding and then take 20 minutes or so to feed. Sometimes they would feed on and off for ages. Sometimes it would be feed, then stop to play/mess around/talk/cuddle then more feeding then more stopping then more feeding for over an hour.

Have a look at Lyndsay Hookway's sleep stuff on instagram. I really like her as she's evidence based but also follows responsive parenting and is an IBCLC so there's no judgement about feeding to sleep, but advice about situations like feeding taking forever and timing etc.

Or yes trying the feed not quite to sleep and then comforting her in her cot could be another option.

With young children if they are doing things like pulling their hair, kicking their legs, playing with toys, even loudly singing/chanting, they can actually be winding down to sleep. I find if you just leave them to it, (while being present if they prefer that) often they can transition from this sometimes wild-seeming activity, into staring into space and then their eyes just slowly droop.

Don't make the mistake of thinking if they aren't lying there quietly and still they are wide awake! Often it's a sensory kind of thing almost.

@BertieBotts

I fed both DS1 and DS2 to sleep until they were about 2/3 years old. It really varied... it went through stages with both of them. Sometimes they would be ready to feed straight away and then asleep in minutes. Sometimes they would need some time to chill out/mess around/play/read stories before feeding and then take 20 minutes or so to feed. Sometimes they would feed on and off for ages. Sometimes it would be feed, then stop to play/mess around/talk/cuddle then more feeding then more stopping then more feeding for over an hour.

Have a look at Lyndsay Hookway's sleep stuff on instagram. I really like her as she's evidence based but also follows responsive parenting and is an IBCLC so there's no judgement about feeding to sleep, but advice about situations like feeding taking forever and timing etc.

Or yes trying the feed not quite to sleep and then comforting her in her cot could be another option.

Will check her out. Thanks. I ideally wanted to stop breastfeeding at around a year. So not looking to extended feed forever even though I think it's a lovely, nurturing thing to do, I would like to have stopped breastfeeding by the time I'm pregnant with my next!

@BertieBotts

With young children if they are doing things like pulling their hair, kicking their legs, playing with toys, even loudly singing/chanting, they can actually be winding down to sleep. I find if you just leave them to it, (while being present if they prefer that) often they can transition from this sometimes wild-seeming activity, into staring into space and then their eyes just slowly droop.

Don't make the mistake of thinking if they aren't lying there quietly and still they are wide awake! Often it's a sensory kind of thing almost.

That's really interesting and very helpful! You're absolutely right. We go to her and pick her up whenever she makes a sound even if she's not upset. Will try this tomorrow night. I'm not that confident, as she usually needs a whole lot of intervention to fall asleep, but if I never try, I'll never know!

I would definitely recommend trying pat and shush for bedtime. My 6mo was like yours, always fed to sleep and took ages! Over the last couple of weeks we have got the whole bedtime routine including a bath down to 30 minutes - I now give her a good feed in the hour before bedtime so that after her bath it's more for comfort and a top up, then once she is calm and just comfort sucking I'll delatch her and put her down. Originally she would immediately ping awake and cry etc but sitting next to her patting and if necessary pinning her down until she stopped crying worked and now she will put herself to sleep in 5 minutes or so. Usually with a bit of leg thumping and rattling of the cot bars!

She doesn't have a comforter as like you I think she would just think it is a toy. I also found I had to sit out of sight at the end of the cot to do pat and shush otherwise she wanted to play with me.

Good luck!

Not meaning that you should at all - just wanting to provide some context about it being phases they go through :)

@BertieBotts

Not meaning that you should at all - just wanting to provide some context about it being phases they go through :)

Yes, their sleeps changes so drastically, so often! My daughter was a dream sleeper from birth, slept right through, with no intervention and no crying, then four months hit and she changed completely. Thanks for all your advice

@Gingeranimals

I would definitely recommend trying pat and shush for bedtime. My 6mo was like yours, always fed to sleep and took ages! Over the last couple of weeks we have got the whole bedtime routine including a bath down to 30 minutes - I now give her a good feed in the hour before bedtime so that after her bath it's more for comfort and a top up, then once she is calm and just comfort sucking I'll delatch her and put her down. Originally she would immediately ping awake and cry etc but sitting next to her patting and if necessary pinning her down until she stopped crying worked and now she will put herself to sleep in 5 minutes or so. Usually with a bit of leg thumping and rattling of the cot bars!

She doesn't have a comforter as like you I think she would just think it is a toy. I also found I had to sit out of sight at the end of the cot to do pat and shush otherwise she wanted to play with me.

Good luck!

Yep think pat and shush is the way forward. Might be a few traumatic nights, but I think worth it, if it means she learns to fall asleep with less intervention. For example, she will never sleep during the day unless we're at home and can do a sleep routine. Not even if we walk in the park in a pram. She's just a nosey little so and so

My first was like this and my second wasn't. I started to give formula at night and then top up with breast. That cut it short a bit

Oh and regards to feeding to sleep. I did it with my second until we weaned him gradually and night feed was last to go at around 13/14 months. He sleeps fine without breast, absolutely fine. So I would say if he's sleeping through, don't sweat it til you decide to wean