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Original poster

Is co sleeping bad for baby?

17 replies

AnotherGo · 20/07/2021 11:30

I have got a nearly 4 month old baby.

We have been co sleeping from the start and he sleeps through if he's next to me in bed. I do it v safely. He starts in his cot (and I'm working on getting him to fall asleep independently in there but it's a struggle) and then moves into my bed at 10pm or so and he stays asleep until 6am

Only thing is he camnt nap without me. Like literally he will be so deeply asleep in his cot and I'm sat on the floor next to him but as soon as I leave the room he wakes. Its quite incredible how quickly he realises I've left the room. It takes less than 5 mins

Is co sleeping at night stopping him from building the ability to sleep without me beside him? Currently sitting in a dark room with white noise for large chunsk of day to ensure he gets sleep which isn't really sustainable given I have toddler, home to look after, and trying to get new job etc

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Tee20x · 20/07/2021 11:33

I also have a co-sleeper. I think it depends on what works for you, personally I don't mind as it means I get more sleep throughout the night, however like you naps have to be with me so I too spend large portions of my day with a sleeping baby. 90% of the time I don't mind and welcome the rest, but agree that if you have things to do it's not ideal.

Given that you have other things to get on with, perhaps you should try to move away from it? I'm no sleep expert so I'm sure someone with more advice will be along soon, but you're not alone & mine is almost 7 months!

FATEdestiny · 20/07/2021 11:39

isn't really sustainable given I have toddler

Having to sit my the cot throughout all daytime naps (and presumably ignore the toddler) is not sustainable when you have older siblings to consider. You need a different idea.

How about getting him to sleep in something that moves, it makes it easier to settle him. For example a pram parked in the kitchen or a bouncy chair sat at your feet in front on the sofa.

Original poster

AnotherGo · 20/07/2021 11:43

Just to clarify I sit in the dark room when the toddler is at nursery. When the toddler is not at nursery, the baby just sleeps in my arms/over my shoulder while I look after toddler one handed

Baby just doesn't seem interested in sleeping even when things move. He won't sleep in his pram for a walk for example he just cries until i pick him up. Basically he's like velcro to me. Only happy on me.

My OH says ive created this crazy level of attachment by co sleeping and I just wondered if there is any truth to that?

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Original poster

AnotherGo · 20/07/2021 11:45

I know babies love attachment but this next level. When my toddler was a baby you could get him to sleep in a pram or at least get 45 mins in a cot or rocker. Not this little chap.

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Tee20x · 20/07/2021 11:47

What is the baby like with other people, are they able to settle him and put him down?

I have found when my daughter falls asleep with her gran or basically anyone who isn't me, they are able to put her down and leave her. But with me it's a totally different story! It's as if she can sense that it's me putting her down and her eyes ping open.

Clymene · 20/07/2021 11:48

That's nothing to do with co sleeping - it's because he's never napped alone. I do slept with my babies but they napped alone.

MissyB1 · 20/07/2021 11:54

Well some people will tell you what you are doing is absolutely the right thing for your baby. Personally I think its not fair on your toddler because when can you really give them your full attention - or two hands/ arms?!

You are going to have to help your baby be less velcro. Its going to take time, building up slowly , possibly even minute by minute.

BertieBotts · 20/07/2021 12:19

I think it's probably just your baby's personality rather than something you've done! Some of them are really sensitive to that proximity and others less so. I was much more able to sneak away with DS1, DS2 would notice unless he was in a really deep sleep, but then again I used to stay with DS1 until he was about 4/5 to fall asleep, whereas DS2 will fall asleep happily by himself and he is only 3. He's also been better at being fed and then put down to sleep by himself (then he doesn't freak out if I leave, only if he falls asleep with me.)

BertieBotts · 20/07/2021 12:20

You could try sling naps if you have no luck weaning him off contact naps / don't want to?

burritofan · 20/07/2021 12:24

My OH says ive created this crazy level of attachment by co sleeping and I just wondered if there is any truth to that?
Your OH is wrong. The baby isn’t even four months yet! He’s been out of you less time than he’s been in. I’d say it’s more likely he’s just naturally a clingy, cosleeper – all the more tough since you have a toddler, and since he doesn’t enjoy sleeping on the move.

Does he like the sling? Instead of looking after a toddler one-handed or risking dropping a baby from your shoulder, can you try slinging him? Baby happy all snuggled close to you, toddler happy because you’re playing… you happy in several years’ time when you finally get a sit-down

PlanetTeaTime · 20/07/2021 12:29

I have no idea but my situation is similar

My daughter sleeps in her next to me until it gets to 3am then I cba sitting up feeding her so I bring her into my bed to feed and co-sleep. She's 5 months.

In the last 2 months I've struggled to put her down for naps, she wakes up every time.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 20/07/2021 12:43

If he knows whether you're in the room or not is it because he can smell you? A couple of people have suggested to me putting a t shirt or something in baby's crib so it smells of me.

Hollywhiskey · 20/07/2021 12:47

My babies were both like that and I have a 20m age gap.
Sleep is developmental so I wouldn't worry. I just kept the baby in a sling so I could do things two handed with the toddler - when they were that age it was spring 2020 so I had no nursery or anything. I found if I sat on a giant Swiss ball and bounced I could colour, bake, cook, play doh etc easily with the toddler and take her to the park/bike etc n

Giraffaelina · 20/07/2021 12:50

I don't believe co-sleeping is bad for any children. Quite the opposite actually. If it's any consolation, my DS was the same at that age (contact napping, I could never put him down) but by the age of 1, he naturally started napping by himself. We still co-sleep at night but he's very independent with day time naps both at home and in nursery. He's 17m old now. I know this doesn't help you regarding your older DC and household chores, and I really can't help with that I'm afraid but I am a firm believer that safe cosleeping should be normalised and babies / children should be allowed to sleep in a way that is developmentally normal for them, at rather than to be "trained" to sleep in a way that's more convenient for the parents. And please don't take this last sentence as an offence or judgment, it's more jsut a generalisation on my part rather than aimed at your personally

AlexaShutUp · 20/07/2021 12:50

My OH says ive created this crazy level of attachment by co sleeping

Attachment in the early years is good. Babies are not supposed to be independent at that age.

My dd co-slept and was very "attached" through the baby and toddler years. Others told me that she needed to be more independent and that I was making a rod for my own back etc, but I just followed my instincts. It may be completely unrelated, but personally, I believe that that strong early attachment has enabled us to sail through the teenage years with very little stress. DD is 16, we are still very close and she is exceptionally confident, secure, mature and independent for her age.

If you and your baby are happy and thriving, I wouldn't worry about it!

Bobojangles · 20/07/2021 12:51

I didn't cosleep with my first, he was still a shit napper and i was knackered all the time

I co-slept with no 2, fantastic napper until he was 6 months and I wasn't knackered

I cosleep with no 3, she is a horrendous napper but I'm not knackered because I maximize night sleep

In conclusion... Babies gonna baby, do what works for you and don't worry about making a rod for your back. All 3 of mine just have different personalities

Original poster

AnotherGo · 20/07/2021 18:22

Thanks so much all. I agree it's not ideal for toddler to be attached to baby so much but I don't know how I'm meant to be help baby sleep without me. When my toddler was a baby he didn't want to sleep independently either as most babies don't obviously but he could nap for half an hour or so and increasingly it got longer. But this little man...honestly he won't go in a bouncer or a moses basket or anything (awake or asleep). He is such a happy baby when on me, and distraught when not. As I say my OH says it's co sleeping that's caused it but I think I have to co sleep with him because he's like this. Chicken and egg I guess. I don't mind but my poor little two year old never gets mummy to himself anymore and I see him looking over at me with baby in my arms

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