Six month old only sleeps when held

[beckabub]

Hi, my 6 month old has always only ever slept when held. This is for napping and sleeping. This means during the night I barely sleep at all as I can’t cosleep confidently and he has to sleep on my chest which is mega uncomfy….he won’t even sleep next to me or on my lap or in my arms, has to be on my chest!! Now he’s six months I am trying to put him in his own room but it’s not going well. He will not let me put him down at all. I have tried everything I can think of…white noise, dark room, placing down in deep sleep, drowsy and awake. Staying with him and comforting him, leaving him and returning when crying. Patting him, holding his hand, picking him up and putting him down again. Nothing works, he wakes up straight away inconsolable. He won’t sleep in his pram as he wakes when it stops moving, he won’t sleep anywhere else!! Help!!!

You poor thing. My DS is similar but only for naps. Luckily he took to his cot at night time.
Maybe his own room is a step too far for him right now. Could you try work on him sleeping in his cot in your room as it's familiar to him or try him lying beside you as a gradual move from out of your arms.
When we moved DS into his own room we spent lots of time playing in there so he was used to it and I also started his bedtime and morning routine in there too in the weeks leading up to it.
Could you sleep with the cot sheet or sleeping bag/blanket the night before so it smells of you. I found DS would take my hand and smell it when he was upset so mum's smell must be comforting to them and will be part of the reason he loves laying on your chest so much.

I’ll get shouted at for suggesting it but have you considered putting him down on his front?

My girls were like this. They would sleep in the garden when the pram had stopped moving. I started to slowly roll them off me and would shush and pat and lay next to them and then build up for me leaving.

It’s does get better.

@ItsallBollocksanyway thanks I've tried all that too, nothing seems to work!! I've been trying to get him next to me for four months!!

@Floopyandtired I haven't at night because of the safe sleeping advice and because he can't roll. I have tried on his tummy next to me during say so I can watch him but he still doesn't stay asleep!!

@beckabub god that’s tough. I seriously commend you for getting to 6 months holding him for every sleep. My DS1 was held for naps but could sleep in his cot at night, albeit with regular wake ups. I really hope you crack it soon. I’m not usually an advocate but even I would be looking at some gentle sleep training

@Floopyandtired it's been horrendous I won't lie! The novelty of having lots of cuddles wears off when it's every single sleep and nap!! Yeah I would never do cry it out but I do think I need to look into other sleep training methods!!

@beckabub god I could've written this post. 6 months in and every single nap and night time sleep is on me. No advice but you're not alone x

This was us. Essentially we’d conditioned into an addiction to rocking and being held. Nothing else would do for him. It might have magically gotten better but our sanity was hanging by a thread so we decided to do sleep training and never looked back. That’s not for everyone, I know, but just putting it out there.

I wonder if the problem is that you've 'tried everything'. There's no magic spell that makes babies sleep another way. They need to learn new sleep cues.

Every time you try something new and he cries, he's saying 'this isn't how info to sleep!' then when you pick him up and let him sleep on you, you're confirming that.

I would do sleep training in one form or another, preferably with your partner going in to him, and stick it out for at least a week, more like two. It has to be for long enough that he associates the new routine with sleep.

It's really hard when you're going out of your mind with tiredness, but worth the effort if you can.

Going from sleeping on your chest to being in his own room.is a massive change. Sleep train him but Definitely Keep him in your room for now.

If he sleeps on your chest he presumably feels comforted by hearing you heartbeat. Perhaps have a toy or device nearby that imitates a heartbeat?

You've conditioned your baby to expect being held for sleeping!!! You need to break the cycle or this could continue for months...

@SarahDarah I have white noise that has a heartbeat on but doesn't really work!

@IamMaz yeah I dreaded this. I think it happened because he had severe reflux from birth (still on medication for it) so when he was first born I had to hold him for hours on end otherwise he was so sick and in discomfort. I've always tried to get him to sleep independently but I held him rather than see him so uncomfortable especially as he was premature and seemed especially tiny and vulnerable!! I'm definitely trying to more strictly now his reflux is less severe! Without a crying it out method which isn't something i want to try.

Thanks for your replies and advice everyone.

Don't beat yourself up about allowing him to sleep on your chest. That's what he needed and maybe still needs but your needs are important too. I'd rather go without food than sleep. You must be exhausted.
I'd try some methods again, he just may not have been ready when you tried them. I found my DS just naturally moved away from sleeping on me for naps. It was like he was ready and that was it, I don't think I could have done anything before that to make it easier. He has reverted back during teething or illness and its easy for me to just roll with it considering he is happy to sleep in his cot at night time.
I don't like the cry it out method either but you can do gentler versions of sleep training. Lucy Wolfe is good and is very much about staying with the baby and not allowing them to get distressed

Hi, I know this is an old thread but just wondering how your sons sleep is now and what made it better? I am in this exact position now and can't get my 6 month old son down.

Appreciate this is an old thread, but I had to chuckle as I looked down to my child who is currently sprawled out on me as she's poorly. As a baby she would only sleep on my chest. I found no resolution for it....this was almost 11 years ago. So good luck to the OP and all fellow co-sleeping mums. Even now when she's almost 11 she still finds comfort at trying to sleep completely on my chest, literally legs and arms (and her mass of red hair) everywhere. I'm hoping once the teenage hormones kick in she will also kick this habit. But for now I'll just settle down and accept I'm in for a long night.

Mine was exactly like this. Ours would cry unless she was constantly being held. We did the same thing you did and suffered for six months. DH and I had to take turns caring for her. We were out of our mines exhausted. We did a few things that helped. We downloaded an app called huckleberry and I don’t normally recommend subscriptions but in this case I recommend it. Get an age appropriate nap and sleep schedule from the app. Prepare anyone living in the home for a lot of unpleasant crying at night time. Get a comfy chair next to your baby’s crib. Also read up on something called sleep pressure because it’s an amazing technique.

Rather than trying to force your baby to fall asleep you are going to create something called sleep pressure by keeping them awake until they don’t have the energy to fight you. You might have to experiment for a couple of weeks to figure out the right amount of naps and how much sleep pressure is right for your baby.

When putting them down in the crib at night you can use the vanishing chair method if your baby still has a little fight left. But the sleep pressure should help tire them out. I recommend gently easing your baby in. On day one we enforced the first “nap” by putting her down in her crib while sitting next to her until her nap was over. I’ll be honest she cried the entire time. And then at night again for her sleep we put her down in the crib while sitting next to her for 15 minutes and then held her to sleep. Basically we were just trying to ease her into the idea of being set down in the crib at this point. So it doesn’t really matter if they cry at first.

Now is a great time to start a routine that will teach them “bedtime is soon”. for us the nighttime routine is

bath time
pjs
brush teeth
story and cuddles

the scheduling looked something like this…

Day 1
*wake baby up at chosen morning rise time (even if they didn’t sleep good last night)
*enforce first wake window. Enforcing wake windows creates sleep pressure. play with them. sing dance whatever you have up to to keep them awake
*Nap 1 in crib
(All other naps and wake windows are optional)
*Night sleep in crib 15 minutes

Day 2
Morning rise
Wake window 1
Nap 1 in crib
wake window 2
Nap 2 in arms
Night sleep 30 minutes in crib

Day 3
WW1
Nap 1 in crib
WW2
Nap 2 in crib
Night sleep 30 in crib

so on and so forth. Obviously you will have to read your baby’s needs a bit. But you will find the more you introduce the wake windows the better they will accept sleeping at night in the crib and just in general and have a more acceptable sleep schedule.

I would designate certain activities to each wake windows. Ours has 4 at this age. Cleaning for the first window. Then play time/tummy time and the third one a walk and then winding down for the last one. It gave our family structure but every family has different needs.

@stormy11

Hi,

Unfortunately no real tips. I continued to have to hold, rock to sleep, Co sleep and have wake ups every hour or so until he was 16 months or so. Then I felt I had to resort to some form of sleep training as I was pregnant and expecting my second and completely exhausted.

i used a”gentle” method and checked on him every three minutes! The first few nights it was literally 60 check ins 😂. I also sat in his room and gradually moved away by shhhh and moving very slowly towards the door.

after a period of about two weeks he began to self soothe and he’s now 22 months and sleeps through the nights finally!! Occasionally waking once.

my Second baby sleeps through already at four months. This just makes me realise now that it is the individual babies and when they are ready. Nothing I did as I’ve treated them the same.

as stressful as it is sometimes, they have to be ready and some take longer than others.

wishing you all the best!

@DarkSol i just came across your post above. We are in the same situation and trying something similar. Did it work for you in the end? Especially getting your little one used to her own bed? Also was the bed in your room? Thanks so much