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Parenting

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Original poster

Introducing "stranger danger"

7 replies

TinyTeachr · 19/07/2021 08:57

Something happened this morning (not a big deal in itself) that made me feel I really need to have a chat with my 4yo DD about strangers. Any suggestions on how to approach this? I don't want to freak her out, she's had little enough socialisation in the last year!

We had a food delivery this morning, and I was chatting to the driver as we unloaded, as I normally do. DD came to the door to help. He said how clever she was etc (normal flattery that most people do as small talk if you know what I mean) and started telling me all about his 4 kids, including a daughter a year older than mine. He said his daughter loved chocolate, and asked my DD did she like it? Because he has another delivery in this area 11am tomorrow, so he's going to pop round and bring some specially for my DD.....

Now, I didnt leap on him for being a bit overfriendly, but I also really don't want my DD to be happily eating chocolate from effectively a stranger! She wouldn't take it from someone in the street, but someone that mummy was chatting to.....? I bet she would. It made me feel suddenly very uncomfortable and that I haven't prepared her for this sort of scenario.

I'm not sure how to explain this to her? I don't want to upset her or damage her confidence. She loves talking to people, which I think is positive and she's very confident without being rude. But I wonder if she wouldn't consider someone she had seen mummy talking to once as a "stranger".

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OceanTurtles · 19/07/2021 09:05

Don't answer the door to him. That's just weird what he said.

Explain to her today that she cannot accept the chocolate the man said he will bring her because he is a stranger and not your friend.

You've got an example to use so go off that.

grey12 · 19/07/2021 09:23

You were there and having a good interaction with person so, in your child's eyes, it's not really a stranger.

You need to talk about how your child needs to ask your permission before accepting gifts. "Gran gave me chocolate can I eat it now? No, you can eat it after dinner", for example

I do talk about stranger danger but, for example, the kids can't go outside the door without me knowing because a bad person could come and take them away

Original poster

TinyTeachr · 19/07/2021 10:57

@OceanTurtles

Don't answer the door to him. That's just weird what he said.

Explain to her today that she cannot accept the chocolate the man said he will bring her because he is a stranger and not your friend.

You've got an example to use so go off that.

It did seem weird that he said it, but I didn't get any kind of weird vibe off him if that makes sense? I'm not saying that changes how I'd handle it, but I think he probably didn't mean any harm.

As it happens we'll be out at that time but my husband will be at home, so I'll tell him not to be surprised if someone turns up with chocolate!

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Original poster

TinyTeachr · 19/07/2021 10:58

@grey12

You were there and having a good interaction with person so, in your child's eyes, it's not really a stranger.

You need to talk about how your child needs to ask your permission before accepting gifts. "Gran gave me chocolate can I eat it now? No, you can eat it after dinner", for example

I do talk about stranger danger but, for example, the kids can't go outside the door without me knowing because a bad person could come and take them away

That's a good idea.

OP posts:

forrestgreen · 19/07/2021 11:06

There's been a discussion that it's not stranger danger that needs teaching but more that children must tell you where they are and that they can't go with anyone, unless they ask you first.
I think because most cases is kidnapping etc are by someone the child knows.
Not trying to cause worry

Original poster

TinyTeachr · 19/07/2021 16:45

@forrestgreen

There's been a discussion that it's not stranger danger that needs teaching but more that children must tell you where they are and that they can't go with anyone, unless they ask you first. I think because most cases is kidnapping etc are by someone the child knows. Not trying to cause worry

Ah yes, very good point. Glad I posted about this! Lots of good thoughts that I hadn't had.

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GoWalkabout · 19/07/2021 16:52

Actually I think the driver needs training - he's either dodgy or very naive and overstepping. However I think you should have been clear with him on the spot by saying 'that's not really appropriate for you to promise is it, I appreciate the delivery but please don't suggest visiting outside of your job role'. I would be amazed if he had the time for extra stops.

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