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Original poster

Hugh demand baby

32 replies

CamillaAUS · 19/07/2021 02:37

Hello everyone.
My partner and I are expats living in Australia, welcomed baby girl in May. She is now 7.5weeks.

Our midwife and GP have both said our LO is quite demanding and super alert and as such needs alot of intervention to fall asleep, (bouncing, shushing, white noise) as she struggles to switch her little brain off and can become overestimated. When she is asleep, she naps for about 2 hours but only if she is on me. If I put her down or take her out in her pram she wakes after one cycle (30/45mins). This means I have basically been housebound with her since she was born as taking her out ends up with her crying or having a short nap which has become a source of loneliness and isolation.

To make matters worse, we have no family or support network over here and our family cannot get to us because of how strict the boarder/international flight restrictions are.

Feeling alone and a bit lost, any advise or support would be amazing.x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GrandmaAli · 19/07/2021 02:44

If you have checked your DD doesn't have wind, need a change etc then let her cry for a while. It will strengthen her lungs!
As long as you can see her, by camera or by creeping in but not letting her see you, you can keep checking that she's alright.
You could put something in her cot that smells of you, something recently worn or a blanket of hers that you've kept hold of (even put up your top to get your scent), and I believe you can get something to record your heartbeat that may also help her feel like you're near!!
I know it's awful to hear your baby crying, but she will get thru this and you will all get a decent nights sleep, sooner or later!
Best of luck.

TanteRose · 19/07/2021 02:53

Please don't leave your baby to cry - it doesn't strengthen her lungs, it makes her distressed

Have you tried a sling? She would be close to you and you can go about your day

Muststopeating · 19/07/2021 02:58

My first was exactly like this. Google maximum awake time. Adjustung time between naps was an absolute game changer for us.

I also discovered that a dummy (which i was previously very against) worked like a magic go to sleep button.

Hope things get easier for you soon.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families General parenting

MaidenoftheSpear · 19/07/2021 03:05

Congratulations on your baby! She sounds very similar to my Dd who was 'on the go' all the time - would only sleep on me for months and hated being put down, she'd last about 4 minutes before crying to be picked up again.
At'7.5 wks she's still only tiny, look into the 4th trimester. Get yourself a sling so she can still sleep on you while you're out and about. Her sleep will even out eventually but the first few months are hard. Keep going, you're doing a great job!

Cloudninenine · 19/07/2021 05:12

@GrandmaAli

If you have checked your DD doesn't have wind, need a change etc then let her cry for a while. It will strengthen her lungs! As long as you can see her, by camera or by creeping in but not letting her see you, you can keep checking that she's alright. You could put something in her cot that smells of you, something recently worn or a blanket of hers that you've kept hold of (even put up your top to get your scent), and I believe you can get something to record your heartbeat that may also help her feel like you're near!! I know it's awful to hear your baby crying, but she will get thru this and you will all get a decent nights sleep, sooner or later! Best of luck.

Sorry but this is all really bad advice - you absolutely can’t leave a 7.5 week old baby to cry. It doesn’t strengthen their lungs, it’s just hugely traumatic for them. You also can’t leave them alone and watch on a monitor because you should stay with your baby for all sleep for the first 6 months. And finally, leaving something that smells of you in the cot is a SIDS and suffocation risk.

OP - I feel for you, it’s very hard. My baby was very similar, so I know how overwhelming it can be.

Firstly, 45 minutes isn’t a terrible nap length. If she wakes after that amount of time it’s fine. Just keep an eye on her sleepy cues to get her down for her next nap in time.

The other thing is it’s very easy to miss sleepy cues at that age and have the baby get overtired. Signs like eye rubbing and yawning are often signs of an overtired baby. Earlier signs might include zoning out for a few minutes, a very brief eye touch, fussiness etc. Try to focus on recognising these cues so you can get her down for naps at the right time. At that age, her wake windows won’t be much more than an hour so you want to start looking for cues about 45 minutes after she wakes up.

Have you tried a sling or carrier? It was one of the only ways I could get my baby to nap for decent lengths of time, and it meant I could get on with things while he slept. This is my number one recommendation to all parents for sleep - your newborn wants absolutely nothing more than to he as close to you as possible, and a sling allows that while giving you the freedom to do things.

Best of luck. She will learn to sleep more independently eventually, but at the moment she’s so little and she just needs closeness to you. She’s still adjusting to life outside the womb, and when she can’t smell and feel you it’s frightening for her. The best and easiest way to manage that is to embrace it and find ways of getting out and about with her attached to you.

PatricksRum · 19/07/2021 05:21

If you have checked your DD doesn't have wind, need a change etc then let her cry for a while. It will strengthen her lungs!

Bollocks.

PatricksRum · 19/07/2021 05:21

She doesn't sound demanding OP, she sounds like a baby. If you alter how you view her needs it may help.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2021 05:27

If you have checked your DD doesn't have wind, need a change etc then let her cry for a while. It will strengthen her lungs!

Say again? Are we back in 1932? Strengthen her lungs? That is absolute bullshit.

nameisnotimportant · 19/07/2021 05:40

I'm also in lockdown in Australia too and it's so hard having a new baby in this situation. Babies at this age need to be with their mother and it's very normal for them to need to be held for their naps, especially in the day for the first six months. Leaving them to cry does not strengthen their lungs 🙄. I recommend following takingcarababies on Instagram. She shares lots of sleep tips. She also does a newborn sleep course which is not sleep training at all because babies this young are too small to sleep train. The course basically involves looking at sleepy cues, wake windows and the sleep environment. However if your baby likes to be held for their naps I would just embrace it. Set your self up in front of the tv with a brew and some snacks and enjoy those newborn cuddles. Even though you get no house work done, it really does go fast and they will be napping in their cot before you know it and then you will miss those newborn cuddles. If you need to get some housework done try a sling or a carrier or try a nap in the pram. Hope that helps

TravelDreamLife · 19/07/2021 05:43

Ah, a velcro baby. My 2nd was like this.

Look for a baby sleep consultant. They're quite common here now (I'm Australian). Some are online so if you're in Melb or Syd you can still get help. Saved my sanity. Tbh they train parents to know how to help the baby rather than the baby themselves.

Handsoffstrikesagain · 19/07/2021 05:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Handsoffstrikesagain · 19/07/2021 05:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SpamIAm · 19/07/2021 06:15

She sounds normal but that doesn't mean it isn't hard!

A sling is an absolute godsend. She'll likely nap longer because she's still on you, but you're at least free to move around and do stuff if you want to. Just go out OP, the worst that's going to happen is she cries, which isn't even a minor problem let alone the end of the world as we convince ourselves.

peonyrose87 · 19/07/2021 06:24

My little Velcro baby was the same! Read up on the fourth trimester, babies need lots of soothing, comfort and skin to skin during this period. Also look up awake windows and pay a lot of attention to them for your baby, it's a game changer in terms of naps. At 7.5 weeks my baby was rarely awake more than 1.5 hours before needing a nap. And as others have said, a sling is your best friend. A soft, stretchy one for this age, pop them in and get on with your day. Baby is happy but your hands are free!

The saying the days are long but the years are short is so true, this period is tough, but try and enjoy all of the tiny baby cuddles!

Pissinthepottyplease · 19/07/2021 06:46

@PatricksRum

If you have checked your DD doesn't have wind, need a change etc then let her cry for a while. It will strengthen her lungs!

Bollocks.

I quite agree this is bollocks! When a baby is first borns as in the first couple of minutes crying helps to clear amniotic fluid from the lungs and start breathing but after that it’s just stressful.

Read up on the 4th trimester, safe 7 cosleeping and get a sling. Nap with the baby during the day.

Eggling · 19/07/2021 06:48

My baby is the same age and sounds very similar OP. She has gone literally all day without a nap a couple of times and not for lack of trying! Unfortunately I don't have any suggestions, she slept better yesterday but it might have been the heat. Hope you don't mind me following to see what advice you get. PPs have mentioned wake windows which I'm aware of but even with paying attention to those and sleepy signs she won't fall asleep (crib, pram, sling, whatever) or if she does she drops off then wakes herself up within 5-10 minutes. I've read so much advice but nothing tells you how to make your baby fall asleep 😅 she won't take a dummy either so I'm at a total loss. Sorry I can't help but I do sympathise!

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 19/07/2021 07:05

I agree ignore the first post because its completely untrue and some of the advice in it is dangerous!

I also agree with others - what you describe is very normal, but something being normal doesn't mean it's easy!

Two of my three children were like that - one (DC2) could be put down to nap at that age.

You don't have to be housebound though (unless because of lockdown in Australia obviously - but not because of one velcro baby). Your baby can nap anywhere - just carry her around with you and go wherever you want! I gave up on the pram until dc1 was sitting unsupported and carried dc1 in my arms with a changing bag rucksack on my back, which I found fine with only one DC, but with dc2 and 3 I used slings and wraps, which was mych better! DC2 napped in the didymous wrap in the playground, on walks and at toddlers groups because I just carried on with DC1's routine from when hewas ten days old, but at home he could be put down in a travel cot in the living room and napped well there too. DC3 always napped on me but out and about hands free in a didymous or just on my chest on the sofa - he woke instantly if put down, which was also how dc1 was.

If you have a partner let DC nap on them in the evening and at weekends if you want some time without a baby attached!

Good luck - but don't be housebound, there's no need at all!

Ikeeponkeepingon · 19/07/2021 07:13

Perfectly normal baby behaviour. Get a sling, absolute lifesaver.

Snowdrop30 · 19/07/2021 07:15

My first was like this and I had no help either - I was pretty much housebound. I put him (and us) through far too much trying to get a routine and trying to find ways to put him down so I could get some rest myself. It didn't work - a sling did, and I wish I had stuck to it earlier. This too shall pass, but God, the loss of autonomy with a high needs baby is sudden and shocking. I really feel for you

milkieway · 19/07/2021 07:30

She sounds like a normal baby. It's just society's expectations that are out of whack.
with the long naps when she's on you put your feet up watch some Netflix ! read up on the fourth trimester if you can.
It is a really hard stage especially when your on your own but I promise it does get easier - does your other half work long hours / does he help in the evening where he can to give you a break?

iwilldoitsoon · 19/07/2021 07:35

@PatricksRum

She doesn't sound demanding OP, she sounds like a baby. If you alter how you view her needs it may help.

This. You are being extreme to be housebound because you have a baby with relatively normal needs.

Blippibloppi · 19/07/2021 07:53

Sounds normal to me too - I've had two pretty easy babies and they've both been like this. You're only 8 weeks in, just follow babies lead for now. You don't need to stay in though, babies cry, you comfort and carry on.

Mamamamasaurus · 19/07/2021 07:55

My DS was a velcro baby. A sling saved my sanity. And side sleeping - 2 rolled up towels under the moses basket sheet and him wedged in between them

AliceW89 · 19/07/2021 08:43

This is completely normal behaviour for a vast amount of newborns - the idea that you can just put them down in a cot or a pram and they’ll drift off for hours at a time on their own is just not true. Labelling it as ‘demanding’ is really not helpful.

My DS was exactly the same at this age: super alert, hated being put down, cried a lot and only slept well on me. The main things that helped were the passage of time and massively altering my expectations. A stretchy sling, a Netflix subscription and a kindle were also very useful. We didn’t even bother with the pram until he was more like 5 months old.

It’s hard but it will get better

changingstages · 19/07/2021 08:54

@GrandmaAli

If you have checked your DD doesn't have wind, need a change etc then let her cry for a while. It will strengthen her lungs! As long as you can see her, by camera or by creeping in but not letting her see you, you can keep checking that she's alright. You could put something in her cot that smells of you, something recently worn or a blanket of hers that you've kept hold of (even put up your top to get your scent), and I believe you can get something to record your heartbeat that may also help her feel like you're near!! I know it's awful to hear your baby crying, but she will get thru this and you will all get a decent nights sleep, sooner or later! Best of luck.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

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