Hi all, I'm feeling pretty desperate tonight. Everything just feels so relentless. Every day looking after my 5 year old and 1 year old. I've just gone back to work 3 days a week to a job I don't love but it pays the bills and tbh I don't have the confidence to find anything new. At least it's working from home, for now too. My husband also works from home and I just feel that every day/week/month is the same old routine with zero time for me to do anything I enjoy. Even when I do something 'for me', I can't help thinking it'll be over soon and it'll be back to childcare/work duties. So I'd rather not do anything nice for fear of those thoughts. I also feel that my relationship with my son is slipping away. He always wants to spend time with his dad, not me. We used to be so close but since my daughter was born last summer we have literally not spent any one to one time together. He always calls for daddy in the night etc. I feel like I'm on the sidelines of their perfect relationship. Myself and my husband have zero relationship too. We're like work colleagues Sorry, sharing our to do lists every day. Sorry I don't really know what my main message is tbh. All I know is that I've started to think about running away and not coming back. They'd all be better off without my moaning, nagging, miserable face.