FOUR month old baby & ROUTINE

[ShimmyYay]

Any tips / advice is welcome …

I’m struggling to get my four month old into w routine. Every single day seems to be completely different from the day before. Sometimes she wakes at 5 sometimes at 6 , on an odd occasion at 7! The nap times during the day don’t seem to fall at set times either not feeds to be fair as sometimes she’ll take a full bottle and sometimes half.

Anyway I feel like I’m not really doing much great parenting as my baby has little routine bar for the evening routine being bath at 6 and bed at 7.

Please help.

😣

She doesn't need a routine! She's still so little. Honestly, at that age I was just letting DS sleep when he fell asleep and feed when he started making signs. A bedtime routine is fine but just spend the rest of the day how you want!

I wouldn't bother with a real routine until moving onto solids at 6 months (when it gets easier to have one so you can fit in meals and bottles!) There's a four month sleep regression so any routine you get into now is likely to change quickly. Having a nice bedtime routine is a good habit to get into but don't stress out about timings. Unless you're lucky and have a baby that falls into their own routine naturally anyway! I think that's the advice I'd give to myself if I had another child.

Some babies are devil-may-care and won’t do a routine. The best thing you can do is wake at the same time daily, so for the sake of argument let’s say 6am – yes you’ll get the occasional earlier wake-up, which can’t be helped, but the idea is you don’t let the baby sleep past 6am, as the different waking times throw everything off. It’s much harder to calculate nap times on a daily basis than it is just to know.

Having said that, I woke DD at the same time daily from birth, slogged my guts out trying to spot her natural rhythm and instil a routine, and she still napped at entirely random times and often skipped naps and drove me demented for ages.

It gets MUCH easier and more routiney once they’re down to 3 naps (morning, middle of the day, wee afternoon catnap – the first to be dropped) and on 3 meals. You don’t have to stick to exact timings, but it gives a structure to the day.

Having said all that, at four months I wouldn’t bother trying, and I’d enjoy snuggly naps, the freedom to get out and about without rushing home for a midday cot nap or having to remember meals and snacks, and just go with the flow. It doesn’t last long!

I have a four month old and in a similar boat to you. Occasionally he wakes at 6, sometimes 5.30, sometimes 7.30. It all seems to depend on how his night sleep went which is a bit rubbish at the moment due to sleep regression.

I love routine but have realised now I just can’t do it. He has feeds roughly 4 hourly (figured out himself) but doesn’t always take a full bottle. He has his first nap about 1.5 hours after he wakes up (1.5 hours seems to be the longest he can go at the moment without getting cranky) and we just go with that for the rest of the day. His naps have gone downhill at the moment as well - managing 30-45 mins tops so he has about 4/5 naps a day! This will be in his cot or in the car/pram/sling if we’re out.

I always aim for a bedtime of around 7.30 and have a feed/bath routine but sometimes it’s 7, sometimes it’s 8. It depends on when his last afternoon nap was.

I got myself quite frustrated that the routine wasn’t working but figured it’ll all work out once his sleep sorts itself out and he’s a bit older.

I wouldn’t worry about a routine. My babies have fed when they are hungry, slept when they are tired. You’ll probably find some sort of routine as baby gets older.
As adults we don’t necessarily follow the same routine every day so we shouldn’t expect babies to do the same.

Don’t worry about routine at this stage

At 4 months I was just going by wake windows which was easier, it’s hard to get a routine at that age. I didn’t form any real routine (like set meal/bottle/naps) until 6 months when she became a little more predictable.

I wouldn't worry about a routine either. At that age, we also did a bedtime routine, but that was it. As she grew older, she started to put herself into a routine by falling asleep at roughly the same time each day.

Having a less structured day means less stress - you don't have to worry if lunch is a bit late, or getting back in time for naptime etc. Don't make life harder than it needs to be, as long as she is happy

I don't think DC2 had any sort of routine until about 6 months and then he just sort of naturally fell into one. Wake up is still variable depending on how good his sleep was - full 11 hours last night so woke at 6am, the night before he was up for a bit in the night so woke at 7.30. Nap times were roughly the same as usual (give or take 30 minutes).

I was much more set in a routine with my eldest and he is not a great sleeper!

Honestly routine doesn't matter at this age. Just give them love and go with the flow and one day you'll fall into it x

Babies of that age do not require any routine.
The only routine we had started at 6 months with weaning and naps fell around meals.
We still have little routine now at 22 months tbh.

Don’t worry, that’s really normal for her age. From about 6 months you can start to try and move towards more consistency. At the moment her needs are changing constantly so any attempts at routine will swiftly go out of the window. She will fall into her own rhythm naturally.

I wouldn’t follow a routine if I didn’t have to get up for work in the morning!

You could try waking your baby at a consistent time e.g 6am and getting them outside in the mornings. Also consistent bedtime. However my kid started 4 month ‘sleep regression’ at that stage where they woke up every 2 hrs throughout the night for 3 months, so I never managed to do anything more than nudge along the routine in the direction it naturally seemed to be going, and accept it would change a bit as they got older. Anything else was a lot of frustrating effort for not much reward!

They don't need a routine at this age OP. What is your motivation for getting into one? Maybe we can help with alternative ideas.

At that age we just did bath time at the same time everyday as a sort of beginning of routine. Just a little starting anchor.

But yeah routine is quite difficult at that age, my DD was on her own little predictable schedule but it would change every few weeks anyway.

Thank you girls this is helpful! I’m obviously not the only one that is in this boat which is a relief.

I was gifted a Gina Ford book which is all about routines and my mother has said that I’m not doing a great job as the baby has no routine which was a little upsetting.

I think I’ll go with the flow then and have a rain check at 6 months ☺️

Thanks again x

Just adding another vote to don’t worry about a routine at this stage; I had a bedtime routine from early on and then mine found their own rhythm around 6 months

I was gifted a Gina Ford book which is all about routines and my mother has said that I’m not doing a great job as the baby has no routine which was a little upsetting
Throw the Gina Ford book in the recycling bin (don’t inflict it on a charity; don’t let others suffer). Smile, nod and ignore your mother. Eat some cake.

Another vote for don't worry about a routine at 4 months. Similar to others we fell into a loose routine around 6 months with meals etc. My boy is 2.5 and I still keep things a bit more relaxed than others I know as I've found that you need that flexibility every time they drop a nap etc.

Oh and throw the Gina Ford book in the bin and ignore your mum. You're doing a great job.

How much do you care about it? She doesn't have to be in one.

The baby whisperer is good if you want to try new things.

Sounds like your mum is more old school. Ignore her, ignore the book and go with what works for you and your baby.

My ds just turned 4 months. I was also worried about whether I should be sorting a routine. He eats and sleeps whenever he wants with no pattern. Friends with kids said pretty much the same as everyone else has on the thread. I also asked my HV and she said babies are too little at this stage and won’t develop the part of their brain that recognises routine till 9 months. Was a relief to hear best of luck OP and enjoy your baby x

Babies do not need a routine, it's parents, or some parents, who like to have that. Your baby will sleep when she is tired. She is at an age where life around her is interesting and that is rather nice. She'll be fine and so will you.

Gina Ford can get in the bin. If you want to read about babies, I'd recommend Sarah Ockwell-Smith. She explains how biology and routine don't go hand in hand! Worth a read!