Letter from ex - taking me to court

[Tryingtoconceivebabyno3]

So my ex hasn't saw my lb in over three years. He was never consistent, but all contact stopped over 3 years ago, he walked by us in the street and didn't even acknowledge him.
Lb dads, dad and step mum have gotten lb every Friday since he was around 1 and still get him now.

But I've recently gotten a letter to say he wants contact one day a week, and that I was inconsistent and never kept to agreements. Safe to say I was fuming at these accusations! But anyway it's not about me. I have messages begging for consistency.

Anyway lb hasn't saw him in over 3 years, hasn't a clue who he is. Just looking some advice on what would be best, do I say yes and give visitation one day a week for my lb to be potentially let down, hopefully he wouldn't let him down and he's grown up and changed. Or do I take it all the way to court, which I would have to pay for as I do not qualify for legal aid.

Also to add, this is the 3rd letter that has been sent, and when I reply he has never responded, or took it to court he just left it 🤷‍♀️ also lb is 7 years old.

Just don't want my lb getting hurt in the process. Thanks for reading x

@beigebrownblue

Whether the ex believes child maintenance payments entitle him or her to have more control or not, is immaterial. According to the law they are to be kept seperate. Judges take a dim view if they are used as a kind of blackmail.

Do the application anyway, you are not losing anything.

What the ex believes is not immaterial. Because he will act on what he believes. Currently OP has no issues with him, he doesn’t cause her any problems other than a letter every few years that he doesn’t follow through with. But if he is paying for maintenance he could decide he wants 50/50 and take Op to court every farts end to get it- he gets legal aid so it costs him nothing. Or he could be calling and texting OP all the time telling her he wants receipts or asking what she’s doing having drinks with her mates as that’s not what maintenance is for. Given that this guy does work OP will get at most £7 a week. Is it really worth that hassle?

Yeah he could see him every Friday if he wanted but doesn't. He doesn't go, he said he wouldn't go to see him in Grandparents house.

Baffles me like, lb is such a character, funny, witty, charming everything. How anyone wouldn't want to be involved in their children's life is beyond me. Was given every opportunity to do so, yet still blames me. I've never spoken bad about him infront of lb and never would at the end of the day he always going to be his dad regardless whether he wants to me or not.

But lb is 7 now and asking questions about not having a dad ect. My heart breaks for him. I grew up without my dad, different circumstances he passed away when I was 7.

I'm just sick and tired of empty threats, told me last time that all I do is work and never see him. Baring in mind I work 9-1 Monday to Friday, drop lb off at school at 8.15 and pick up again at 2pm. Makes me out to be the worse person, says that I don't let him see him, I keep him away, when I've never done that, I genuinely believe he is delusional and believes his own lies. When he was first born and we broke up 3 weeks after he was born, I used to beg him to come and grow a bond with him and he literally just texted me 'no he's yours, you keep him' this was over 7 years ago, but it never got better to be honest! And I was only 16 when I had him and he was 21!

Sorry for the rant and life story 😅

Wow OP you've had it tough. As your ex clearly has zero interest in your little boy, this is obviously about control. If it was me I'd let him take it to court. But we both know he can't be bothered. I wouldn't even reply to his letter, or pay anything related to it !

I think you have managed brilliantly bringing up LB alone, and working, even though you were only 16 when you had him. Try not to let him rattle you.

I suspect if you actually called his bluff and his parents were to back YOU up, a judge would insist that he paid you 7 years maintenance before he could even send your kid an email. What a twat.

Like it really baffles me, how he can say I don't let him see him when his dad and step mum have him every Friday! Yet I'm the worse in the world and don't let him see him. I'm just gonna call his bluff see if he will actually see anything through!

Thank you all for your replies, means a lot x

OP, sounds like lb grandad and step-grandma are alright… have you asked them what they think about all this, and the legal letters? It seems utterly bizarre that lb’s dad won’t pop round to their place on a Friday. Couldn’t the grandparents talk to their son and simply cut through all the madness, ask him what on earth is he doing sending legal letters???

My opinion is that surely any judge would just laugh him out of court. I’d just call his bluff and ignore him.

My friends ex tried this. Let him take it to court. Her ex only wanted to mess with her head so off they went to court. Agreed when he'd see the children. Of course he let them down and now he has nothing to threaten her with. It's been quite satisfying.