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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

making a rod for your own back ? what have you done to hear this classic quote

38 replies

robinredbreast · 25/11/2007 21:12

picking up baby when she crys -rfyob[ rod for your own back]
bf on demand rfyob
letting baby sleep in our bed when she was very small and bf in the night rfyob

rod for your own back, such a horrible saying isnt it?wonder where it orginated from

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ChubbyScotsBurd · 27/11/2007 21:32

I have a policy - everything we do for our baby we are doing out of necessity (ie if we didn't cosleep/BF on demand/cart him round in a sling/rock him to sleep/pick him up at the first whimper we would go mad from the constant ear piercing shrieking). So it's not a choice. Therefore this rod-making crap is not only crap, it's unhelpful. It's like telling an amputee they'd be better off with two legs - it's not like they CHOSE the amputation (unless they had some sort of weird psychiatric condition that is) ... oh god I'm off at a tangent... this happens a lot wince I had my DS ...

ChubbyScotsBurd · 27/11/2007 21:34

*since

popsycal · 27/11/2007 21:38

breastfeedng-rodfor my own back
picking up my baby when he was less than a day old through the night in hospitaltal - rod for my own bac
god ihate that phrase

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talktothebees · 28/11/2007 12:34

no one has said it though it's fairly obvious some people are thinking it. I think DP and I both have vibes which say "we're doing it our way, interfere at your peril." Pity really, because my plan was to practise those theories on anyone who espoused them.

"Nice of you to visit. I won't be making you a cup of tea because I don't want to spoil you and make a rfmob"

"Yes, I know you are talking to me but I'm not responding because IMO you are just attention seeking when you are perfectly capable of amusing yourself and I don't want to make a rfmob"

Damn reasonable friends and family ruining my fun!

geekymummy · 01/12/2007 23:15

lol talktothebees!

My mum and aunts warned me about letting DD fall asleep in my arms, but mum does it with DD EVERY time she has her at nap time

qwertpoiuy · 02/12/2007 05:13

I feel better after reading this thread. I've bfed on demand, carried babies around, co-slept, had them falling asleep in my arms. My DS ans DD1 are aged 7 and 5 and are lovely children. My dd2 is 12 mo and hell to live with at the moment as she expects me to carry her everywhere, won't sleep in her cot and won't settle with CM. But I went through the same with DS and DD1, however CM wasn't an issue as I wasn't working. But at least I'm reassured kno wing how my other 2DC turned out.
But, not surprisingly, I hear that expression all the time!

geekymummy · 03/12/2007 22:56

Isn't it funny that we are warned against "spoiling" babies with love and affection, but the same people will try to get you to spoil your children later on! For example giving in to a child's demands for material things or sweets...

Kbear · 03/12/2007 23:00

"Don't rock that baby, she'll always want rocking to sleep" - my HV. I hated her. She was enough to give me PND.

PhDiva · 04/12/2007 20:26

Oh I know! Ditto to the breast-feeding on demand, co-sleeping and generally being a mother... When MIL next says (again) 'I know I've said it before, but you're only making a rod for your own back', I might just retort 'Silly me! Perhaps I should be busy making a rod FOR YOURS'

Amethyst86 · 04/12/2007 21:06

From MIL for always picking DS up as soon as he cried she said this when he was really tiny - about 3 weeks old. Said he would get spoilt and I would never get a moments rest. Well I did it with both DC and both are happy, well adjusted, independent kids who are happy to play alone and are completely un-whingy kids. Great believer in the immediate response thing for kids. Still do it now and DS is 4.9 and DD 14 mo.

woodstock3 · 05/12/2007 22:21

the worst was the mean midwife who said touching/stroking/in any way making a fuss of ds while he was bfeeding was rfyob because 'you need that for when he falls asleep feeding and you have to wake him up'. apparently i had to prop him up on a pillow and make minimal contact. ds was four days old at the time .

Mossy · 05/12/2007 22:30

Oh I'm loving this thread, although Lazarou that's really for that nurse to say that to you.

My cupboard of rods:

Picking up ds when he starts to cry rather than letting it escalate into a scream
Abandoning the pram after about six or seven screaming journeys, in favour of a sling
Bfing for comfort (his and mine lol!) and not just nutrition
Co-sleeping
Letting him fall asleep at the breast

Dh hasn't escaped though; he lets ds sleep on him in the rocking chair which according to his bezzie mate (who is a bloke, and has no children btw) he is really "making a rod for his own back" with that one.

MerryLittleCarrotmas · 05/12/2007 22:47

I actually got told about my rfmob by my hairdresser, not even 7 hours ago. For co-sleeping, picking dd up when she cries, excl bf etc.

"but she'll expect to be picked up when she cries!!!!"

well, er, yup, that's the general idea.

He let me know his preferred method was to never pick up his dd when she cried. Apparently her first 6 weeks were hard (for him), and she didn't like it but she "adjusted". His next dd is due in a few days, and she will be going into her own room from day 1 and be bottle fed from the off. And not picked up when she cries.

Obviously.

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