Best age gap: 1,2 or 3 years?

[MimiDaisy11]

We have a young baby and we’re hopefully going to have a second child but we’ve not decided on what age gap to go for between children. Obviously I’m aware nothing is guaranteed or that plans don’t necessarily work out when trying to conceive but what are people’s opinions on what age gap is best? I can’t have a big age gap due to my own age so I would try for second child in the next few years.

Opinions?

I'd want at least 2 years if my age was an issue, closer to three otherwise (first child two before conceiving). Your body needs to recover after growing, birthing, and feeding the first baby, replenish stored nutrients and so on.

Two or three. Definitely not 1!

I’ll have a 4 year gap between mine (we were aiming for 3, tbf) and I’m quietly happy about it. I have a few friends with that gap and the advantage of having a sentient, semi-independent older child who can watch telly, fetch a snack, understand to wait etc seemed great - one of the older ones is now 7/8 to our 3/4 yos and they follow her around like the Pied Piper.

On the other hand I suppose if you’re in the thick of nappies, sleepless nights etc I can understand wanting to plough through.

And I suppose they’re more likely to have more in common with a smaller gap. Luckily DC2 and 3 will have a 0 year gap .

Mine are currently 4 & 2 and every day feels like I'm being tortured.

I wouldn't recommend.

Although most people seem to have children less manic than mine.

We aimed for an 18 month gap and got a 2.5 year gap which has been great.
Assumed same would happen again but now looking at probably a nearly 2 year gap (21m) between 2 and 3.

I am 1 of 3 kids and we had a 4 year gap between first and last too and it worked out great. I'd say about 2 years or 2 school years is a good gap.

Mine have a 16 m gap and it works really well as they are very close - my not very DB and I have 2.25 yr gap and have never ever got on.

I have a 17m gap between my two and I’m not gna lie, it is very hard. But I know later on it’ll be lovely.

There is 2 years and a few days between mine. Was tough in the early years, but now they are in primary school (both juniors), it's a breeze. They play together and I think the smallish age gap helps with that. Although change coming soon as eldest heads towards teens, I suspect they won't pay together much until youngest catches up to the teenage angst.

2.5. Close enough for older one to be slightly more independent when baby’s born, still close enough to play together later.

I have 12 months between mine and we did deliberately aim for a small gap. It was hard when they were young but I didn't know any different. They're now 9 and 10 and still very close. I love that they play together but do feel like i missed out in some of the enjoyment as it was a slog until they were about 4/5.

Like a PP, I'm one of 3 and there's 4 years between oldest and youngest. My mum said it was the happiest time of her life when we were all young. We're all in our 30s now and still very close.

My DS is 13 months and I'm 5 weeks pregnant with No2. There will be a 21 month gap between them. I'm excited and scared in equal measure.

I have 1 year(12 months and 3 days!), 2 year, 2 year. 1 year was my favourite, they are so close they really are like twins. They have a more typical sibling relationship with other siblings. I wouldn't do it again with older children but lovely for first 2!

I have 1.5yrs, 2yrs and 2.5yrs between mine. 2.5yrs was defo easiest with a newborn. But the 1.5yrs are the closest friends as siblings now. Although I have to say they all go through phases of being bestest buddies and then falling out-even the two who are 6yrs apart.

Too many variables to be able to plan it out really, just go with what's convenient for you!

We have a 4.5yr age gap. Not what we would have chosen, but circs dictated.
Actually it's worked brilliantly and as PP said, when DC2 was born, DC1 was a bit more self sufficient and could understand/take instruction a bit more.

Long term closer is better in terms of at similar stages in life, same toys etc but for me I couldn’t do 2 under 2.
Positives of a 3 yr age gap:
My eldest is a summer baby so we spent her last yr before starting school on my mat leave
My eldest has a good solid schedule, sleeps well
My eldest can do things herself: get a snack, fruit, juice carton, (none of these things to be underestimated when stuck breastfeeding), go toilet, dress herself
My eldest understands she has to wait sometimes
Works for us- very happy!

Our son was 1 year and 3 weeks old when our second was born 9 days ago! It's a good gap cos our 1 year old is too little to be jealous and not walking just yet so we've got time to get used to having 2 before we're chasing him around!

I have two years between DC1 and DC2, then 4 years between DC2 and 3. I preferred the smaller gap if im honest, they are very close and was always easy to please them both with holiday activities ect.

3years or just under is perfect but you cant really plan these things.

We intentionally avoided a much shorter gap and having seen friends with 2 close together know we did the right thing for us.

3 years has been enough for the eldest to feel pushed out when youngest came along and able to feel involved. Worked still now theyre older as not constantly competing either.

The smaller the gap, the harder work at first but the quicker they'll play together. I wouldn't want more than the 2 years we've got. When dd2 got to 3yo it all got easier and I just don't think that would have been the case with a bigger gap. As it is, dd1 keeps growing up a bit and finding dd2 really annoying until dd2 then grows up a bit. Also I can't think of anything worse than going back to nappies etc when you've left it all behind once. I should add the caveat that I don't like babies much though, it was something to be endured rather than a time to cherish and enjoy

I'd say either a gap of less than a year, or 3 years would be ideal. We have a 2 year gap, and whilst that was fine as a newborn and toddler, and ok now at 2+4, having a 1+3yo was really hard, and it's tough with pregnancy having a toddler as well. A tiny gap means you are likely to not have a very mobile/fast child when waddling along very pregnant, or having a newborn, a bigger gap means the older one will understand more. There are pros and cons to every gap though.

Between DD1 and DD2 there is two and a half years - it was absolutely lovely, DD1 was instantly a wonderful and caring big sister. They're just turned 4 and 18 months now and they're really starting to develop proper little games together, it's a joy to watch them interact.

There will be 20ish months between DD2 and DD3 when she is born early autumn (planned gap) and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she happily takes to the new baby. 🤞🏻

4 dc under 6 and my best age gap is 12 months. Dc1&2 are so very close, they have and continue to do so much together. Their abilities are similar too which can y life easier I found that gap much easier than the other gaps. Dc1 was a very early Walker and mobile but very helpful too, I always remember him rocking his baby sister whilst I put my shoes on when she cried in her car seat after baby groups. The 3 older DC’s have found dc4 very annoying at times, however it hasn’t been the easiest of 18 months.

2 years means one does A levels when the other sits GCSEs, or whatever equivalent they have in 15 years. It makes for a fun summer.

A tiny gap means you are likely to not have a very mobile/fast child when waddling along very pregnant, or having a newborn

But it also means you have a child that you have to carry around lots when heavily pregnant or while you have a newborn! We have a 2.5 year gap and every time DS1 trots out to the car and climbs in his car seat while I carry his brother out I'm glad it isn't any smaller