Complicated situation, desperately need advice

[MamaOl93]

So not sure where to begin but long story short, I have a 4 year old, we live together in our own place away from my family but my dad is very controlling regarding my son - he uses him as leverage towards me being that I’m a single mum and he helps me with childcare twice a week so I can work.
My current hours are 8-6 two days

From September my little boy will be in school, I can change my work hours to his school hours however my dad has said he won’t be looking after him at all anymore as he wants to get a job so I’ll have to leave mine as he won’t look after him on half terms/6 week holidays from school etc.

I’ve looked into childminders but they’re so expensive and his future school doesn’t offer a holiday club.

I love my job and I don’t want to leave but feel like I’ve exhausted all options? I just hate that my dad has this control over me. Please help. I’m nearly in tears over this.

Have you looked into what benefits you're entitled to?

As a single mum you should get some help with the cost of childcare...try entitledto.co.uk or turn2us.org

Have you checked out your local council's website for term time only jobs or looked at companies that will allow you to work from home.

There are lots of options, all of which will be better than having to rely on family which can be complicated.

Don't let your dad control you. Take this as an opportunity to unleash him from you.

Put a message on your local FB group about summer/holiday clubs and childcare in the area.

Lots of people have toddlers with no family around, I used to worry about this but things will happen if you look into it and make it happen. Work may help you accommodate childcare. But you need to stop relying on control-dad and sort your own childcare out

Do you get Tax Credits or Universal Credit?

Realistically, you continuing to work, even if there are small sacrifices now, is worth it for your long-term financial security. Look around for other holiday clubs. Our school doesn't have one, but a nearby one does. £20 a day including snacks (you provide a packed lunch).

You'll have annual leave and you also have parental leave (which is unpaid, but if this would be cheaper than using holiday club, depending on your earnings, then something to consider). You may also be able to work out shares with other parents. They have your ds while you are working and you have him and his friend the next week when you have leave.

There's also tax free childcare, which all children are eligible for until they're 12, so that will reduce your costs by 20% for holiday clubs and childminders.

If you're really in a bind, put it on a credit card on the rare months when money is tight. Ideally, you'll continue to progress and you'll increase your earnings over the years and be in a position to pay anything off. It's better than losing your income (and dealing with your horrible controlling dad - I expect he'll lose some wind in his sails when you pick up and carry on just fine without him).

It's perfectly fine for him to say he's not doing the childcare anymore as he wants a job. It's not OK for him to say you'll have to give yours up.

Keep the job. You're extremely lucky it's so flexible and you can work round school hours. Can you work more hours during term time say do an extra five or six hours a week and accrue time off in lieu which you can take during holidays?

You should be entitled to some sort of help towards childcare. You don't have to pay the whole lot.

Definitely look into what benefits you will be entitled to, because you could get childcare paid for by child tax credits etc

Lots of single parents manage to find childcare for the school holidays, it just takes a bit of juggling to find what works for you and your DC as well as what you can afford.

There are also holiday clubs that operate during the school holidays but are privately run (sometimes they run them from the school premises, even though they're not run by the school itself). These can be a bit pricey, but if you know how much it would cost, then you've got time to save for this.

Also, get your DC involved with clubs etc that run locally e.g Scouts/ football/swimming etc, whatever he's into, because not only do they usually have things that run over the holidays, you'll also meet a lot more parents etc, which would increase the chances of meeting someone who has a similar issue. Then maybe you could help each other out ?

Do some investigating and find out what's available where you are.

Ask his school about holiday clubs. Ours had a football club for one week. Another school had an activity club and kids from other schools could go.

@DinosaurDiana

Ask his school about holiday clubs. Ours had a football club for one week. Another school had an activity club and kids from other schools could go.

The school allowed the clubs to use their facilities, the school didn’t run the clubs themselves.

Maybe there are other reasons but I don't think your dad is controlling for not doing childcare for you. He wants or needs to go to work, just like you do. Are you suggesting he not work at all, just to provide after school care for your child? That is a very unreasonable expectation.