Two year old tantrums. Feel like I'm failing.

[sleepsuit]

DS turned two this week. Over the past three weeks he has just upped the tantrums by about 99%!!! It feels like they are constant and at 38 weeks pregnant with my second I am losing the will...

DS is usually a pretty fiercely independent and happy child, however this has turned into stubbornness and lots of NOs and then tantrums when he doesn't get his way or for no particular reason at all. He'll throw himself on the floor, kick his legs, whinge. There are rarely tears (sometimes there are!) which leads me to believe he is having a strop more than anything. He is also a bit more clingy with me at the moment, wants constant picking up and carrying or to sit on my lap. I do all this but at 38wks it's quite hard going!

But I am STRUGGLING. I hate seeing him unhappy. I tend to sit with him when he has his tantrum and cuddle him and remain calm. I'm sticking with my no's and don't give into what he wants. I'll then go off and have a little cry later on myself. The only major thing that has changed in his life in those three weeks is that he has changed into a new nursery room with slightly older children. However, he bounces in there every morning happy, cuddles his key worker, waves a big bye bye to me and comes out happy. I've seen him go into nursery unhappy before (when he first started) and this isn't it. He has also just cut his last two molars in the top of his mouth which could be contributing????
I just worry that there is something else I'm missing and also like I said, I hate seeing him unhappy. Distractions often work but most of the time I am sitting it out and then waiting on eggshells for the next one. We are three weeks in and there is no sign of it improving. I'm worried that when the baby is here I won't be able to manage him/comfort him as well as I am now. :(

Lastly, I do have a DH who is amazing. DS tantrums for him but nowhere near as much. DH is supportive and works long hours but tries to get home early as often as he can to do as much as he can and let me rest but I feel like I'm failing as a parent.

Is this normal?

Yes it is normal.
Also he may well be happy at nursery, mine were/are, and still be stressed by changes. That stress can come out in funny ways because they can't articulate their feelings yet.
How to talk so little kids will listen was very helpful for me. But mainly tantrums and clingyness are normal at this age. You are doing great

Thank you @Ooodlesofboodles that does make sense. He also says lots of words but isn't talking properly yet so definitely cannot articulate how he is feeling.

Yes toddlers have big feelings and no way of managing them. Keep giving him lots of cuddles when needed and make time for him when the new baby arrives. You'll survive, and it will get better

Just remember it's a phase and like most phases it will pass. Good luck with baby number 2.

He’s not unhappy! He is just overwhelmed by his feelings when he doesn’t get his own way. You are doing the right thing, stay calm, don’t reward the tantrum with too much attention, but then be on hand to give him lots of reassurance.

If he is being naughty (hitting, throwing things etc) then that can warrants a firm no, and move him to a place where he can’t damage something or hurt himself or you.

It can be very frustrating, so your patience is going to be sorely tested for the next few years. Terrible twos and three-nagers got their nicknames for a reason.

Hang in there, you are doing fine.

I’m sorry if I’m being dumb here but I cannot see how anything you’ve written is anything even close to failing.

He sounds like an entirely normal 2 year old having entirely normal feelings about big changes in nursery and preparation for a sibling.

And you sound like you're dealing with it perfectly under challenging circumstances (I'm 20 weeks pregnant and struggling with comforting a 3 year old in a way which is comfortable!). Keep doing what you're doing - it will pass and the tantrums will become less violent and less frequent as he learns 1. How to manage his emotions and 2. That you'll always support him to manage those same emotions

I second the book "How to Talk so little Kids will Listen (and listen so kids will talk)"
There are a series of different books so make sure you get the right one - the original title is for slightly older kids but the version with little in the title is perfect for your age child.

I bought it, and it helped me so much with my toddler at the time. She's older now and we have another toddler so I bought the box set for all the various stages.

It's not a long or complicated book and can be boiled down into about four useful strategies - listen, empathise, fantasise, 'the problem is', (this isn't their summary at all!).

For example
"Oh you sound really angry. You want to eat all the biscuits. They are tasty aren't they? If you could, would you eat all of them? Would you eat one hundred packets?! Would you want a biscuit the size of mummy? Bigger than the house? Yummy!
The problem is, too many biscuits will make you poorly and make your teeth poorly.
You've had two and that's enough. Maybe you'd like one for a snack tomorrow?
It's hard saying bye bye to the biscuits isn't it. Would you like a cuddle? Glass of milk etc?"

This set of strategies has helped me remain calm (sometimes!) and try to give the child chance to express their feelings and feel listened to.

Really shit stage. It gets better. Sympathies!