Will I enjoy it?

[PaterMoyn]

My daughter is 14 months old and gorgeous of course. However, I cannot shift the feeling that I’m just waiting for it to be over. I constantly feel like I just have to endure today, the next day etc and yet there’s no end. This is my life now and I hate it.
I don’t want to see friends, I don’t want to go out with my daughter anywhere. I don’t enjoy it.
I feel trapped and so full of regret I must sound horrible. I just don’t know what to do to make things more enjoyable. I spoke to a friend and she just doesn’t understand and I think is shocked by what I’ve said so I just feel awful really.
I feel sorry for my daughter it isn’t her fault and of course I do what I can to make sure she’s developing well and feels cared for of course I try I don’t want it to sound like I don’t look after her.
I don’t know, it’s just endless and I feel like I’m still grieving for my old life. 14months old nearly 15 months and I still feel like this. It’s driving me mad. I’m so forgetful and I was such an organised person before it’s ridiculous.
I just want to feel like it’ll get better but I really don’t know what I can do.

This has been a pretty shit time to have a baby.
Do you work? Being at home all the time can make it feel very monotonous.
Lots of people feel like you.

Have you spoken to your GP? Sounds like you could have pnd/depression - those feelings sound like when I had a period of depression years ago.

It's bloody relentless looking after small children, I found 12-18 months particularly hard. Can you get a break away from DD, even just for a few hours? Re being organised, I have a weekly calendar in the kitchen and I write everything down on it otherwise I forget!

It’s completely normal to feel this way and it doesn’t necessarily mean you have some kind of mental health diagnosis. It’s a real monotonous, thankless, exhausting slog at times (/most of the time). I miss the freedom and spontaneity of pre baby life so much. As a PP said, it’s been especially awful this year.

Isolating yourself may feel like the easiest thing to survive each day, especially if you are naturally more introverted. I’m sorry you had a bad experience with your friend not understanding how you feel. Easier said then done but when I consciously got back in touch with both child free and parenting friends and talked about or arranged small things, life felt more manageable.

Have you gone back to work? I’m more tired since going back to work 3 days/week but the variation to my week has been a life saver. I actually enjoy the days I have with DS now, as opposed to just surviving them.

All the best to you

Sending lots of support your way 💐 I'm not sure if you've reached out to your gp already but this sounds similar to how I felt when I had my baby who is also 15 months now. I didn't know what to do with myself and felt everything was not how I imagined. I was diagnosed with PND and PNA - not to say you have this at all - but one thing for me was I didn't feel quite right. I was forgetful and quite withdrawn. I blame the last year for us not being able to enjoy life with our babies but the support I received medically through CBT has worked wonders and I feel like me again. Currently in isolation with 15mo and I was a bit worried but reflecting back on the blue notes from CBT has really helped and quite enjoying it. Overall, what I'm trying to say is I have so much empathy for you. My inbox is open if you need a chat or even just to vent, no judgment over here 🥰 x

I'm very sorry your going through this.
12-18 months I found the hardest, harder than new born days!
Do you work? Have family around to help with having breaks? Do you have DP?

It does get better op and easier op it really does.

Did you used to go out with her? What is stopping you exactly?
Would having a walk out a day help? It will help clear your head.

I still find it all a bit of a slog at 2 years, but the first 18 months were relentless.

Things that help me:

Working part time (me)
Nursery 3 days a week (her)
Completely equal childcare with DH (we take the day in shifts so we never do a full day's childcare solo)
Staying in touch with friends
Saturday morning lie in

It's getting more bearable as time goes on but I am looking forward to getting past the toddler stage.

@Cheerio21 @Blippibloppi can I ask why you found 12-18 months the hardest? I’m really struggling too ATM, despite everyone saying it gets easier after 12 months!

@PaterMoyn I totally get where your coming from OP - my boy is 15 months old and all childcare when DH is at work is down to me. I’m finding this a really hard age especially as he’s not walking yet, so really struggle to entertain him! You’re not alone

@PaterMoyn one thing I would say tho, is it’s totally worth getting out each day, even if you don’t feel like it at all. I have to force myself sometimes, but even just going for a walk to the park really breaks up the day. The fresh air also seems to tire DS out which is an extra bonus!

I didn't really enjoy parenting until my eldest was 2 and my youngest was born. I was on maternity leave and it was just the three of us. Eldest was in the cute toddler stage and it was fun.

I think it was hard after my first accepting my old life was over. I was still clinging onto so much of the person I once was, trying to work full time etc. When I had my youngest, I was forced to change jobs and it meant my focus was on being home and being a mum more.

Do you get enjoyment from other parts of your life? Like seeing friends without your DD there or evenings to yourself? I think if you’re not getting enjoyment from anything in your life then it’s time to speak to the GP.
Why is it that you don’t enjoy taking your DD out and seeing friends; is it that it’s hard work or a general lack of joy in it?
Parenting is relentless but I do find it much more enjoyable doing things with other people. I also find that working helps with my sanity, gives me back a bit of me and makes me enjoy my time with DC more.

Oh bless you. You had a baby right at the start of the pandemic and it must’ve been so awful to start motherhood in complete isolation. Have a chat to your GP about how you feel. Also, did you go back to work? Is your little one in childcare. I had my little one mid pandemic too and it’s just been awful not being able to go out and meet other mums or go to baby group. Now that she’s in nursery full time and I’m back at work I’m feeling a lot better about everything and start feeling like my old self again

For me it was that they can do more things but still basically a baby. They can do all these things but have no sense! It's all impulsive behaviour, limited communication skills, zero concentration and it was such a slog. I'd take DS to a toddler class and he'd just run round like a loon at the back. We got to about 18 months and something changed - he could concentrate for longer, would do more activities, would watch TV!

There's certainly lots of challenges with 2+ but it doesn't feel like the same daily slog as that did.

Sorry that was to @peaches35

There should really be an edit function.

Do you work OP? I started to feel like this towards the end of my maternity leave, like every day was just so monotonous and I was just passing time. Since going back to work I’ve really felt like I’ve found my own identity again.

We’re lucky enough to have family support though too which I think makes a massive difference, even just DH and I being able to go for lunch together or a date night every couple of months really helps me to feel like I’m not just Mum. Do you have anyone who can babysit so you can do some things just for you? Or can DH give you a break so you can have some me time?

I do think it gets a bit easier too, I found that age particularly difficult. It’s like they’re old enough to need lots of attention and stimulation, but not quite old enough to entertain themselves at all.

Sorry to hear this OP. Sorry your friend didn't understand when you reached out, it must have taken courage to do that in the first place.

I had bad post natal health issues after my daughter which was diagnosed as post partum psychosis after a couple of months, and I remember trying to talk to other new mums about it and they just didn't understand. Even now I may say to my friends that motherhood is the hardest thing I've done and they just look at me, like...'why is it hard?' Are they freaking kidding me?!' 😂
But I definitely know how you feel, and it's a shock I have never quite recovered from. Please don't feel bad at all. We all react to it differently. Can you speak to your GP?

Try and find some time for yourself. Does your DD go to nursery for a day or so, or do you ever get a break?
At that age they are exploring the world and I found the easiest thing was to take them out for a walk or run around every day. What about softplay or baby classes? Often getting out of the house makes you feel better.
You definitely aren't alone in feeling this way

@peaches35 Same as @Blippibloppi really!
I couldn't sit down as he was into everything he shouldn't of (of course all are but it's hard😂)
He was just everywhere anywhere we went and hated the buggy!
Found he calmed down a lot 18+ so a lot more manageable and we can do everything now without it being a shit show 😂

We haven’t reached 18 months yet, but I agree it’s been tough recently (14 mo). I thought there was a better spell between about 5 and 10.5 ish months (even if sleep was often awful 🙈). I could put him in the sling or the buggy and do what I needed to do with him in tow. Since then though there has been a lot of resistance to anything containing him and he just needs so much variation in stimulation. I don’t think I was prepared for how short an attention span baby-toddlers (?boddlers) have! He wants to cruise around all day bothering furniture/cupboards/the stairs/the oven - anything but his toys 😂 trips out are difficult due to still needing naps and only tolerating short spells in the buggy, but not being able to walk. Feel a bit trapped in the house again. Hoping it’ll get better (read: change phase to something else!) in the next few months! X