Advice on getting over anxiety about leaving the house!

[Starshineboy]

Hi everyone, I have a 2 month old boy and he’s my first. I’ve been dealing with real anxiety about going anywhere with him and I just need some advice. I live in the countryside and don’t have a car anymore so really reliant on my partner for getting about anywhere. Im exclusively breastfeeding but so nervous about breastfeeding in public! I haven’t tried yet… half of the time my boy gets fussy at the breast and flails, comes off and then back on again, gets agitated… I’ve wondered if milk is coming out too fast/not fast enough and sometimes he does it when he’s gassy. But dealing with that in public seems like it would be so daunting, even just the thought of getting him to latch properly out in public while not trying to expose myself…?! How do you all do it?
Also he’s not using a pacifier (using me as one) and wants me all the time. This means the times I’ve been in the car with him he usually cries and we have to stop multiple times for a short 20 minute journey. I’ve sort of been shamed into not introducing him to a dummy by a few people and honestly I’m in two minds about using them. Help.
Also, he HATES baby carriers and slings, I’ve tried a few now. He either just screams or roots and roots, gets frustrated at not getting at the boob and then cries.
Helllllpppppp

Talk to him when he is in car seat. He will cry until he gets used to it but you need get out and about for your own mental health. Mum is the heart of the family and if she isn’t happy then the family isn’t.

It is very daunting taking a baby out and feeding public but the only way you get more confident is by doing it. Start by going with your partner to a coffee shop and then do walks by yourself and then public transport with just the aim of going to a cafe abs then going home. Are there any bf groups you can go to?

I already talk to him and sing to him in the car seat,.. problem is being in the countryside/middle of nowhere, no real pavements to take him out in the pram so only option there is the carrier which he hates and won’t let me do!
Only groups around are ones I can’t get to because my partner is at work with the car and I’d have to drive to them.

I hear you - DD hates the car and it is SO distressing hearing her scream like she does. If/when you do get out to town, shops like Boots and John Lewis have parent rooms where you could try BFing at first just to get your confidence up.

If he's a sucky baby, a dummy will help with comforting him, give you a break and will probably make things like using a sling easier because he might not be looking for your boobs all the time. They're recommended for SIDS reduction so people should stop being so negative about them.

Is there any public transport nearby or can you afford an extra car? Can DH cycle to work or lift share some days so you can take the car?

Please don’t worry about breastfeeding when out and about! I have personally found that most people that look, are really just interested and want to see your beautiful baby! Anyone that does have a problem is not worth your time worrying! My daughter is also a little fussy sometimes, and I often switch her back and forward on each breast which seems to help her! It does however mean it is a bit more visible when feeding out and about, and quite a few people have asked me „oh I didn’t know you had to switch them so much“ Most people probably don’t but it seems to work for us, so I just say that! Please don’t feel pressure to have the perfect baby…all babies and mothers are different, and we don’t have to pretend it is easy all the time ;) all mums know it’s not but getting out and about will surely take the pressure off and be good for your mental health!

Agree with PP about the parent rooms! Loads of shops and shopping centres have them, I found them a god send when I first had my DD and had to BF in public for the first time. Otherwise, would you feel comfortable doing it with a muslin/cover over you? Its normal to feel self conscious but honestly nobody will notice or look, the only comments from strangers I had were positive ones! Just start getting out by doing short walks, the more you go out the easier it will get I promise.

How is your babys latch? I had a fast let down in the beginning and I used to find my DD would come off and cough a lot. She also never wanted a dummy and only wanted me, but honestly I think this is normal because when they are so little they just want the comfort.

For your own sanity, buy him a dummy and sod what other people say. If he is a fussy baby, the dummy will help.

Starshine, I was the same after both mine and avoided going out unless it was essential. Then I felt nervous and couldn't wait to get back home.

It does pass I promise you.

As your husband can take you both out, I suggest you do some short trips in the car so that your baby gets used to it, and so do you.

I agree about using a dummy but I think you said you tried it and he only wants you.

Congratulations on your little boy.

My main advice is go somewhere really loud and busy like a supermarket cafe where there are loads of other kids running around making noise. I did my first BF in public in a posh cafe and felt really self conscious. Second time I went to Morrison’s cafe, there were loads of babies screaming their heads off so no one even noticed mine. Only people who even looked in my direction were a couple of mums who just came up to see how I was doing with a newborn etc.

I’d also suggest practicing on outdoor benches in quiet countryside/park areas to get used to the technique of it outside. In the beginning sometimes it worked for me, sometimes it didn’t. But even if baby was wailing away, I didn’t feel self conscious as there was hardly anyone around.

Are there any mum and baby groups or classes near you? I had feeding anxiety too and general getting out of the house fear (not helped by spending first 8 weeks of baby’s life in lockdown) but when groups started up again that was one of the first things I did. Was a really gentle intro to feeding in public, in front of other mums doing it too, and also reassured me it’s not the end of the world if baby cries or is unsettled! It’s just what they do... I was so worried about somehow making a scene I didn’t even go to a supermarket with her until she was about 3 months old. But once I bit the bullet it was fine. We’re out and about all the time now. Good luck! I promise it isn’t as scary as it seems x